Chapter 27
27
The lift doors open into a buzzing bar. Music is playing, lights of different colours illuminate the walls and seating, and along one side the vast window looks out over the city. Back to how we were. I hear the words in my head.
I look out over the snowy rooftops, the city bright with Christmas lights as far as the lake. Then I’m peering beyond, up to the mountains, and wondering what’s happening at the chocolate school, everyone getting ready for the presentation of the residency tomorrow and Gabriel preparing to launch his new signature range on New Year’s Day. Will that even happen now?
I look at groups of people, some outside in the cold Christmassy air. This is how I remember finishing work for Christmas: we worked up to the wire and the release that came with Christmas drinks, Malcolm from Bathroom Fittings doing the conga. It wasn’t in this league, of course. Then I was drinking cava from my Mr Tickle mug. But it was the same feeling of working hard, exhausted, right up to Christmas, and the relief of time away from the office. It’s something about the end of work before Christmas … a buzz of excitement, bonuses no doubt, judging by the back-slapping and jollity.
‘Name?’ asks the woman on Reception.
I tell her and she looks down her list.
A skein of Canada geese flies past … so close I could almost reach out and touch them.
‘Oh, yes, you’re with Daniel. Just over there.’ She points to him standing in a group, holding a drink, his tie off, jacket discarded, just like the last time I was here. Only this time I’m coming back for good, aren’t I?
We’ve spent time together. He knows how I feel about recreational drugs and raclette over fondue , and about being more grown-up around the apartment, picking up clothes and washing up. I listened to his likes in music, films, how he hates programmes like Come Dine with Me , which I love. But we’ve agreed to disagree on that. He has no baggage, no family or ex-wife, and immediately I’m thinking about Gabriel again. I hope he’s working things out with his daughter, although that’s another thing I’ve probably messed up for him. I should never have interfered. He loves her and is just trying to put things right, even if I think she’d be more interested in seeing him and the farm than waiting until he signs his deal with Jacobsen chocolates.
I’m better off staying away. I completely messed things up.
Daniel turns. I raise a hand and wave. He sees me, waves back and comes over to greet me.
‘Hey.’ He kisses my cheek. ‘Is that allowed now?’
‘Well, I’d say so. This is our twelfth date, after all.’
‘In that case,’ he leans in and kisses my lips, ‘it makes us official, doesn’t it?’ He grins. ‘Come and meet the gang. You’ve met some before. And the head of HR is around somewhere. I’ll introduce you.’
He takes my coat from me and my suitcase, which is partly unzipped because I packed in such a hurry, then clasps my hand and leads me into the pumped-up room. ‘What do you want to drink? Champagne?’ He takes a glass from a waiter with a tray and hands it to me.
‘Thank you, merci ,’ I say. The waiter smiles and nods.
‘You see, you’re a people person,’ Daniel says, over the festive music and excited chatter. ‘That’s what makes you good at what you do.’
He heads through the groups, talking and chatting. ‘You remember Luke?’
‘Yes, of course,’ I say.
‘We must meet up in the New Year, with my partner. Daniel says you’ve discovered a great little place up in the mountains, something about a town with a chocolate school. Very quaint. Great for a bit of snow-boarding!’
It’s much more than quaint , I think, and so much more than good for snow-boarding .
‘Great!’ I reply, and smile hard.
‘James, this is Clara, my partner, who I was telling you about.’
A tall man in a red striped shirt and braces turns to us, holding a glass in each hand. ‘Ah, Clara. Interested in joining the team, I hear.’
‘Well, yes. HR is my background.’
‘Tell me more,’ he says, and suddenly I’m on the spot, pitching for a new job at a Christmas party with ‘Frosty The Snowman’, the hip hop version, playing in the background.
Daniel turns away to speak to someone.
‘Well, I was with Duncan and Daughters from when I left school.’
‘Speak up!’ he says, leaning in.
‘Frosty The Snowman’ is mixed, speeded up and scratched with ‘Silent Night’, sounding like it’s being sung by the Smurfs. It’s a mess. My head is beginning to pump. I take a sip of the champagne but it’s not helping. My mouth is drier than ever.
It’s beginning to feel hot in here, despite the snow, which is falling heavier than ever now. ‘Snow on snow’ is being scratched with some kind of bass beat. Something by the main desk catches my eye. There’s a disturbance.
I try to see what’s happening. Is it the usual Christmas-party fracas when too much drink has been taken and too much tell-it-as-it-is has taken place?
‘As I was saying …’ I try to focus on my pitch ‘… I started at the bottom, in the café actually. I loved it there. It was where I first fell in love with chocolate.’
‘Chocolate?’
‘I used to love it when the brownies came out of the oven. Decorating cupcakes with Smarties and eating handfuls of them. Maltesers on the sponge,’ I smile. ‘And if you eat a Malteser at the same time as a handful of licorice jelly spogs – jelly buttons covered in blue and pink sugar balls – it’s a really surprising combination.’ I beam.
‘What’s this got to do with HR?’
‘Oh, yes, sorry. Well, I worked my way up, through the department-store floors until I reached the offices and moved into HR.’
‘I see … Well, it’ll be good to chat in the office in the new year. We have a great team. Very social. Excellent benefits, like gym membership and ski passes. So, do you have any questions for me?’
Daniel is standing beside me again.
My mind is blank. Then I think of it: ‘If you were a chocolate, or the company was a chocolate, what sort would it be?’
James looks at me as if I’m mad.
Daniel looks at me as if I’m mad.
Maybe I am.
The kerfuffle is still taking place by the front desk. Maybe it’s someone like me, who feels they don’t fit in and wants to get out.
‘You know,’ I explain again, ‘if you were a chocolate, what would you be like?’
They’re nonplussed.
‘Expensive,’ Daniel eventually says.
‘If you could describe yourself as a chocolate, what would you be like? What’s your flavouring? What does it say about you?’
They are completely bemused, until Daniel eventually says, ‘Clara’s been on a chocolate-making course while she’s been settling in here.’
‘Sweet,’ says James, still clearly confused.
‘Do you know what kind of chocolate you’d be?’ I ask.
‘Dark,’ he says.
Between expensive and dark, I’m trying to work out if I can ever fit back into this world, even if it gives me everything I wanted, or thought I did.
‘Clara!’
I hear my name being called.
‘Clara!’
Sébastien has broken through security and is coming towards me.
‘Sébastien?’
‘Clara!’
‘What are you doing here?!’
‘Getting thrown out by the look of it.’ Daniel glares at him.
A large doorman puts a hand on Sébastien’s shoulder. Fleur is behind him.
‘Sorry! I didn’t mean to stamp quite so hard on your foot!’ she says to another doorman, who is following her. ‘We just needed to talk to Clara.’
‘Doesn’t she have a phone?’ asks James.
‘Not answering.’
‘Sorry. Too noisy!’ I check my phone and see all the missed calls. ‘What’s up? What’s happened?’
‘You have to come back!’ says Sébastien, and looks between Daniel and Luke.
‘Why?’
‘It’s your grinder. You left it on!’
‘Grindr?’ Daniel is horrified. ‘I thought we were getting back on track! No physical contact, you said! Thank God I didn’t cancel my apps!!’
We all stare at him. He is clearly operating on a different planet from me and the rest of us.
‘Not that kind of Grindr.’ Sébastien tuts.
‘Oh, right.’
‘Come on, time to go,’ says the doorman.
‘Oh, God! Sorry, but I can’t come back for that. Can’t you turn it off?’ I ask Sébastien.
‘Well, yes, but, really, it would be much better if you came and turned it off, see how it’s turned out for yourself.’
‘I can’t come back, Sébastien. Besides, the snow is really heavy now. How are you two going to get back? Do you need somewhere to stay? I’m sure you could stay at the apartment.’ I look at Daniel and feel surprisingly relieved that our first night back together will have to be put on hold. It’s more important I have these friends to stay. That’s what they have become, good friends. All three of us feel out of place here, not just me. This isn’t my world.
‘Come back to the apartment – if that’s okay, Daniel?’
He frowns.
‘You didn’t cancel your dating apps, did you?’ I say to him.
‘Well,’ he laughs, ‘we were on a no-contact contract …’ he starts to flounder ‘… and you can’t expect me to be completely celibate!’
‘Yes, Daniel, I can. I was.’
‘Well … I …’
Fleur steps in. ‘Actually, Clara, it’s nothing to do with your chocolate.’ She takes a deep breath. ‘That was just an excuse to get you to come back. The truth is, it’s Gabriel. He needs you.’