Chapter 32
32
‘I can’t stay, Gabriel. I have to go.’
‘Why? What for?’ The questions tumble from him as fast as they’re whizzing around my head.
‘I’ve never felt more alive, more excited about the possibilities of life here, with you, but …’
‘But what?’ He looks as confused as I sound.
‘I came out here with a pocketful of dreams. What if I blow it all? I can’t get hurt again.’
He takes a deep breath, clasps my hands and gazes into my face. I just want to melt into him, his chest, his arms, his kiss. But I have to stay strong. I have to do this for both of us.
‘You came out here a novice chocolate-maker. Look at you now. The one thing I know about you, Clara, is that if you want something badly enough, you’ll make it happen. You just need to take that leap of faith.’
‘I took the leap of faith when I first came here! I told everyone I needed just to leap! And then I fell flat on my face!’
He breathes in and touches my chin lightly with his finger, lifting it to him, making me want to fall into another kiss. ‘Look,’ he says quietly, his voice like melting chocolate, ‘I can’t promise you what the future will hold. No expensive apartments or holidays or pension plans. All I can do is offer you everything I have, right here and now. This place. The farm. The dream of building it into a chocolate-lovers’ retreat, with the cows on the doorstep. I can promise you fresh air, snow and green fields in the summer … but also the desire for something we build together. Alchemy.’
I gaze up at him. Could this be what I’ve been searching for? No promises or guarantees, just the passion for us to stay here together and make it work?
‘And you’re really not going to sign with Jacobsen’s?’
He shakes his head. ‘You helped me find my passion and love for chocolate again. Now I have so many new ideas, but I want you to be on the journey with me. My partner in business and in life.’
I let go of his hands, and walk to the railing at the viewpoint.
‘Remember when you went after Sébastien? You didn’t know what you were doing when you talked him down from the bridge – or when you rebuilt his sculpture, for that matter.’
‘You know about that?!’
He smiles.
‘Alain,’ we say in unison.
‘Nothing gets past him!’ says Gabriel. ‘Even coming here in the first place: you didn’t know why, you just felt you wanted to be here. Even when you saw you were way out of your depth. You didn’t know you could do any of it. You just went on your instincts. You took that leap of faith.’
I look back in the direction of the farm up the mountainside.
‘You just did it! Like when you confronted me about the Thai green curry chocolate and chased after me. And when you realized I’d lost my sense of taste. You’ve been taking leaps of faith since I first met you.’
He may be right, a voice says in my head. Gabriel carries on.
‘Coming here wasn’t just about being with Daniel. It was a leap of faith to find you.’
I nod slowly. He’s right.
‘But if this isn’t what you want,’ I hear his throat tighten, ‘Jacobsen’s are still willing to do a deal with me. They think the loss of my ability to taste and its return will make for newsworthy headlines.’
This time he looks out to the farm, over the steadily falling snow, the town, the Christmas lights. ‘I don’t want this, if it’s not with you.’ He holds onto the railing.
‘What will you do?’ My teeth start to chatter.
‘Take the job with Jacobsen. Go to Japan.’
He turns back, snow settling on his eyelashes, and I want to kiss it away.
‘Do you want to be sitting in a chair in a retirement home, saying, “I wish I’d done it. I wish I’d tried”? What have you got to lose?’
‘My heart,’ I say quietly.
‘I promise I’ll do everything I can to look after it. If you’ll let me.’
I say nothing, unable to take in that this man could feel the same about me as I do about him. Dare to hope it could be real? Or will I let myself believe, then crash to the ground when it all goes wrong?
‘If you have to think about it so hard, we know your answer, don’t we?’
We look into each other’s face, searching for what we both want. But when the words don’t come, he drops his head, turns and starts to walk away.
I watch him, as he walks down the road leading from the school. Just like I did the day I chased after him, furious at his assessment of my chocolate. He’s right: I took a leap of faith because I cared. And I care now. I may fall, but maybe I’ll fly. It’s got to be worth the risk, hasn’t it? I can’t let him walk out of my life.
‘Wait!’ I shout.
But he keeps walking.
‘Gabriel, wait!’ I run after him, not caring if I slip or fall, because I care, I really do.
He turns and I throw myself towards him.
‘I care! Yes! I want it! I want it all!’ I shout, flinging my arms tightly around his neck, throwing caution to the wind, taking the biggest leap of faith.
He puts his arms around me as I lean into him, hugging him. I feel his feet begin to shift with the force of my landing on him, then slip as he tries to regain his balance. Suddenly we’re toppling, falling, landing and rolling down that same slope, finally coming to a stop at the bottom. This time, though, we fell together and nothing hurts.
For a moment we say nothing. The snow on my cheeks is making my nose tingle. Finally I hear him murmur, ‘You okay?’ from among a tangle of limbs.
‘Yup, you?’ I ask, not moving.
‘Yup!’ And then, ‘I feel like I’ve been swept off my feet – literally!’
We’re laughing and when we stop we sit up, snow seeping under the cuffs of my jacket and the waistband of my trousers.
‘That’s what I call a leap of faith!’ he says.
And we laugh again until our sides hurt and until we pull each other to our feet to the sound of applause. My fellow students are standing at the top of the hill.
‘I think I fell on my chocolates,’ I say. I reach into my pocket and pull them out, popping one into my mouth and one into his.
‘What do you taste?’ I ask.
He smiles. ‘Love.’
I kiss him with every bit of faith I have in me.
Eventually we move apart. ‘Come on, we have a graduation party to get to, and it’s Christmas!’ We walk back, hand in hand, to the chocolate school, where champagne is poured.
‘I have something for you,’ he says, and reaches into his case, which is in Reception. He takes out a box of Lindor. ‘We’ll find out who can fit the most into their mouth, Christmas-party game. Thought it might be fun!’
‘I already know I’ll win!’
And the bells ring out, letting me know Christmas Eve is nearly here and I have everything I could wish for.
‘I can’t think of anyone I’d rather spend Christmas with, not this Christmas or next or the one after that.’ We kiss again as the snow falls around us and the bells peal. This could be the best Christmas ever.