Chapter 48 #3
He knew in his heart that he loved that boy so bloody much, so much so that it pained his heart to be around him and not be able to share the little things that did bring him such happiness.
The way Jay loved him, the overwhelming intoxication that being loved by him brought, the comfort of someone loving him unconditionally; oh but it wasn’t unconditional was it.
Rain’s thoughts began to spiral, creating a knot of confusion within his chest.
“Aerth to Rain,” Emily said, waving a hand in front of his face.
Rain blinked, snapping back to the present, offering her the second apologetic smile of the day. “Sorry,” Rain murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m a little distracted today. But you’re right. You’re deserving of a happy king, and I did indeed feel lighter.”
He inhaled deeply, turning toward Emily more fully, the sincerity in his expression softening the sharp lines of his face.
“No… you know what, Emily?” he corrected himself, voice low but steady.
“I feel lighter when I’m around you all.
You help me look beyond myself—beyond the palace walls.
That’s always been my reason for sneaking out.
To experience life among everyday people.
To meet mortals who aren’t obligated to serve me.
I needed to know there was more to this existence than manipulation and control. ”
His eyes glinted with something raw; passion, grief, gratitude all tangled together.
“I needed to know there was more to life than the horrors I endure by living through the emotions of others.”
Emily’s expression softened, but Rain didn’t notice.
He was too caught in the swell of emotion rising in his chest; a tide he’d held back for far too long.
“It pains me to admit that I had almost reached my limit,” he confessed, letting out a bitter, humourless laugh. “And that was when you all came into my life.”
The table had gone silent.
Rain didn’t realise.
He was speaking from a place so deep inside himself that the world around him blurred.
“Each of you changed my entire world in such a short time. You reignited something in me—a spark I thought I’d lost. You gave me the strength to embrace the life I’m destined for.
I don’t know how to express my gratitude, but I promise I will honour this gift.
I will do everything in my power to be the king you deserve. ”
His voice softened, but the conviction remained.
“I don’t need a man, woman, male or female at my side to live up to that promise. I assure you.”
Emily blinked rapidly, tears gathering in her eyes.
The emotion in the booth thickened with warm, heavy, intimacy.
Until Rogan broke it.
“Wow,” he breathed. “I’ve got chills.”
Rain’s entire body tensed.
He snapped back into himself like a rubber band pulled too tight.
His gaze darted around the table, noting Emily’s watery eyes, Rogan’s awe, Wren’s soft smile, Jay’s unreadable expression.
Sympathy.
It hit him like a punch to the gut.
He hated it.
Sympathy felt like pity wearing a polite mask.
It made him feel small, exposed, weak; everything he’d spent his life fighting against.
He straightened abruptly, spine rigid, jaw tightening.
He needed to shut this down.
Fast.
“So, to answer your question, Emily,” he said, voice clipped. “No. I do not wish to get back with Jay. He was right to end things with me.”
Across the table, Jay choked on his drink.
The hurt in his eyes was immediate; sharp, unguarded, devastating.
He recoiled as though Rain had physically struck him.
Rain winced.
He hadn’t meant to hurt him; not like that.
But he couldn’t take it back now.
Instinctively, he slammed up his energetic shield, blocking out the flood of emotions crashing toward him; Jay’s pain, Wren’s anger, Emily’s heartbreak, Rogan’s discomfort.
He couldn’t bear to feel any of it.
Wren reached for Jay, trying to comfort him, but he brushed her off, jaw clenched, eyes fixed on the table. Wren’s gaze snapped to Rain; accusing and protective.
Rain had seen that look before.
He’d earned it more times than he cared to admit.
The conversation shifted awkwardly, stilted, forced, exactly as Rain had intended.
But instead of relief, a heavy weight settled in his chest.
He felt hollow.
Like he’d carved out a piece of himself and left it bleeding on the table.
Emily sat quietly beside him, her earlier warmth dimmed. Rain mirrored her silence, arms folded, gaze distant.
Doubt crept in—slow, insidious, familiar.
He had sacrificed himself again.
For what he believed was the greater good.
But this time, the cost was different.
This time, his heart bore the consequence.
His promises echoed in his mind; to be a better king, to honour the gift of his friendships, to rise above manipulation and fear and yet here he was, pushing away the very people who made him feel alive.
How could he lead a kingdom when he couldn’t even let himself be loved?
The café, once warm and inviting, now felt suffocating.
The air thickened around him, pressing against his ribs, making it hard to breathe.
He leaned toward Emily, voice barely above a whisper.
“I need to step out for some air.”
He slid out of the booth before anyone could stop him.
He felt their eyes on his back but he didn’t look back.
He couldn’t.
The door clattered shut behind him, the sound echoing like a final punctuation mark on a moment he wished he could undo.