Chapter Eleven #2
Nick had been able to convince himself Claire knew nothing about HashtagNicksDick because the subject had never come up. However, it was clear she’d heard about the scandal.
Ah, shit. Had she seen the video? Although it had been deleted, he knew for a fact that nothing ever went away completely on the internet.
She wouldn’t want anything to do with him now.
“I’m surprised to see you here,” he said to Kristy. “It’s a bit out of the way for you.”
She nodded at her companion. “I’m visiting my cousin. She lives in the area. Look…we can leave.”
Someone at another table pulled out a cell phone.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
He could not deal with another video.
His pulse raced and an ache started up in his frontal lobe. Paralyzed with anxiety, he just sat there, unsure what to do.
“Actually,” said Claire, motioning to their waiter for the bill, “we’re just heading out.” Claire then stood and walked over to the table of the guy who held the cell phone. She stood right in front of him, hands on hips. “Did you take a picture or video without permission?”
“No.” His gaze sheepish, the man showed her the camera. “See? Nothing.”
“Good,” said Claire. She rejoined Nick at their table.
His face burning, he regarded her in awe. At that moment, Claire was a fucking superhero.
“Nick,” she said, “you didn’t want dessert, did you?”
He shook his head.
Their waiter brought them the bill. Nick grabbed it and paid, aware that Kristy was still hovering nearby, seemingly frozen in place.
What does she want?
Was she fumbling for an apology after all this time?
Frankly, he didn’t want it now.
He stood. Claire reached for his hand, once again blowing his mind with how wonderful she was.
She swept past the other women, pulling Nick along. “Excuse us, ladies,” said Claire. “Have a good night.” As they left the restaurant, Nick didn’t even look back.
Once they were in his car, they both sat still and silent for a time.
Claire finally broke the ice. “So…dinner was really good. Did you enjoy yours?”
She was willing to change the subject to save him some embarrassment. If she kept this up, he’d fall head over heels in love with her. “Claire, about what happened back there.”
“We don’t have to talk about it.”
“No, I need to. I…froze.”
“I know.”
“You saved my ass. When that guy pulled out his phone, I couldn’t think.”
“Sometimes we all need someone to do the thinking for us. That guy was a jackass for even attempting it.”
“I should probably explain why it got so awkward.”
“There’s no need,” said Claire. “I know about the video. I’m sorry.”
“You’ve seen the hashtag then, the comments.”
“Nick.” She held both his hands in hers. “I didn’t even watch the video and I refused to look at any of the comments. I just heard about it. And I’m not about to look it up now. The only people who would spread something like that aren’t worth your time or your energy. They’re trolls.”
“I know. It just came out of nowhere. A couple of years ago, I wasn’t even on social media.
Lacey had to show me how it worked. But I keep up my accounts because it makes the network people happy.
Then Kristy had her night of drunken confessions, and suddenly all these strangers showed up in my messages, calling me names.
There were all these enormous threads. They tagged the show, the network executives, everyone. I was mortified.”
“I can imagine. People can be horrible from behind a keyboard.”
“I keep telling myself to let it go, to just forget it. I know for a fact there are people who get treated much worse. God, the average woman gets more abuse online than I ever did!”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t feel hurt.”
“It paralyzed me. I stopped going out, stopped socializing. I even asked my brothers if we could take a hiatus from playing our music in clubs. All I’ve been doing is going to work and going back home again.
I feel like I’ve had no life. I just haven’t found a way to get back out there, and when I do, I can’t shake the feeling everyone’s laughing at me. ”
“Is that why tonight seemed like a big moment for you?”
“That, and the fact that I like you as much I do.”
Her smile scared his demons away—some of them, at least. “You’ll get back out there, Nick. When you’re ready. There’s no rush.”
His biggest, meanest demon shouted in his ear.
You can’t tell her. If you do, you’ll never see her again.
It was tempting to listen to the beast and cut his losses now, but something about Claire made him want to trust her.
“The thing is, Claire, Kristy’s video…she wasn’t lying.
If it had all been lies, I would have been able to shake it off.
” His heart pounding, Nick shared the secret that had been keeping him up at night.
“But she was right. I’ve been having issues, you know, in the bedroom. ”
And this was where she would walk away.
Only she didn’t.
Claire put a hand to his cheek. “I’m sorry you’ve been living with that stress. But, Nick, from what I’ve read, it happens to everyone at some point. It’s normal.”
“But I’m barely thirty-four! I shouldn’t have problems getting it up. That should be the least of my problems.”
“So, why do you think it happened?”
“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “I talked to my doctor, but she doesn’t think anything is physically wrong with me. It seems to be all in my head. When I was with Kristy, it just wasn’t working. I was attracted to her but…I just don’t know.”
“Okay. Let’s consider some options. It could have been as simple as stress. You do have a high-profile job. You’re in the public eye all the time. Maybe it was getting to you.”
“My doctor thought that might be the case, too. I was working flat out at the time. And before I got the new show, I was worrying a lot about my career. Things have been good with Handymen, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had no real direction, that I’ve just been coasting.”
“Everything you just said would cause me stress. I don’t think any of those things would put me in the mood.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Nick gnawed the inside of his cheek, as another of his deep-seated fears rushed to the fore. “And a while back, we had a cancer scare with my mom. She’s fine, but I still worry.”
“Of course you would.” Her eyes watered, but she blinked the moisture away. “I’m glad your mom’s okay.”
“Thanks.”
She stroked his hand, making soft circles around his knuckles. Despite having just bared his soul, Nick felt movement in his pants. He’d never thought a knuckle rub would turn him on, but coming from Claire, it worked.
“Nick,” she said, “I’m not a doctor, but I know from experience that stress can take a toll, sometimes when we least expect it. If Kristy couldn’t understand that, then you’re better off without her.”
He nodded. “We weren’t together long. We kind of fell into bed early on and things seemed great, but my issues crept up quickly. Then, of course, it all fell apart.”
“Has it happened since?”
“I haven’t slept with anyone since Kristy. I’ve had erections, but, well, let’s just say there haven’t been any opportunities to experiment with a woman.” He let out a strange laugh. “I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”
“Hey, look at me.” She waited until he did. “I appreciate how much it took for you to share everything. Thank you. And you will have more opportunities to experiment. In fact,” she said, touching his knee, “I can think of one woman who would love to experiment with you.”
Nick swallowed hard. “You mean it?”
“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m extremely attracted to you. And to be honest, I haven’t slept with a man since Arthur died. I’m unbelievably horny.”
“You’re unbelievably sexy, and you make me smile.”
“I say we throw caution to the wind.” Claire leaned in, as close as she could with the steering wheel in the way.
“How would you feel about taking me home? No pressure, no expectations. We could just cuddle, if you wanted, or watch some TV. But…if you find yourself in the mood, we could whip out the old scientific method.” She rolled her eyes.
“Sorry. I thought I’d stick with the experimentation theme.
I should be clear I’m really talking about fucking. ”
“Yeah, I got that.” Nick laughed. “Are you sure?”
Claire nodded. “Yeah. I think we both need a little boost. We could just help each other get back in the saddle again.”
“Back in the saddle.”
“Would that be okay with you?”
“Oh, yeah.” Nick stuck his key in the ignition, his own engine revving at the same time. “Giddyap, partner.”