Chapter Fourteen
The first thing Claire saw the next morning was Arthur’s face. She rolled over in bed, opened her eyes, and there he was. The photo on the bedside table looked the same as it always did, yet somehow, she glimpsed a new shadow in the pic. It hung around him, like a cloak of disappointment.
It was probably just the way the light was hitting the frame. She nudged it, but the shadow remained.
Claire Bear, how could you forget me so easily?
She had, too. For a few moments, she had forgotten him. However, as soon as the deed was done, it had all come flooding back to her. It had taken everything in her not to roll into a ball and start crying after screwing Nick.
It hadn’t all been because of guilt, either.
It was mostly because he’d made her feel so good. She’d abandoned all her concerns and had allowed herself to just enjoy sex again. It had been sheer bliss for a while, but it had all come crashing back down like an abandoned house in front of the wrecking ball.
After Nick had left, she’d gone back to bed, her own bed. Arthur’s imaginary reprimands had begun then. They’d lasted all night long, too. As a result, she’d barely slept.
She couldn’t understand why it was happening. When she’d gone on those other dates, she hadn’t been tormented like this. Of course, she hadn’t cared for those guys and she definitely hadn’t slept with them.
But she cared for Nick, probably more than she was willing to admit.
She knew Arthur’s voice was a complete fabrication.
There was no way he was admonishing her from the grave.
It was all in her head. Arthur would never have spoken to her like that anyway.
If anything, he was the one who’d helped her lose her inhibitions in bed.
He had been a wonderful lover. He’d been generous and was always willing to talk about what they liked and didn’t like.
He’d loved life, period, and had always dedicated himself to making her feel special.
Exactly how she’d tried to make Nick feel.
And she knew for a fact that Arthur would be the first one to encourage her to sweep up the shards of her life and begin again.
Which was why she still felt a sense of loyalty to him, and why she couldn’t bring herself to sell the sanctuary. It wasn’t as if those feelings hounded her on a regular basis, but as soon as she’d done the deed with Nick, they had downright overwhelmed her.
She wouldn’t let it happen again.
If Arthur’s voice was all in her head, then she had the power to change it.
Claire knew she deserved a new life, and she was determined to pursue one.
Yes, her husband had been one of the best, but Nick had been pretty darn incredible himself, and she was thrilled he’d gotten his mojo back.
Sleeping with another man had been a huge step, but now she’d done it.
The next time around, it probably wouldn’t bring up all these feelings.
She was free to enjoy herself…and her sexy handyman, whenever she chose.
There’s no reason we can’t have sex again—toe-curling, hair-straightening, full-body-sweat sex.
She just needed to explain her little freak-out to Nick. He was a good guy, and he deserved to have fun with a woman who had her shit together.
When she saw him today, she would make him understand. It would all be okay.
In fact, she couldn’t wait to see him.
What about me? Fake Arthur’s voice put a pin in her bravado balloon.
Claire sat up in bed and pointed at his picture. “No, Arthur. We’re not doing this. I refuse to engage with you like this.”
Straightening her spine, her bulwark of confidence, she got out of bed, then showered and dressed. After grabbing a bagel and a coffee, she headed to the sanctuary, eating as she walked across the field.
It was another beautiful day. She held her head high and smiled at everyone she met from the crew.
David met her in reception. “Hey, boss. Two new arrivals over the weekend. Kittens. A family nearby got them from a friend, without realizing their kid was allergic. They’re both settled in the B&B.”
Claire sighed. Two more little mouths to feed. She was glad the kittens were in a safe place, but the stress was wearing on her. “Thanks, David. I’ll check in on them later.”
David reached for her hand. “It’ll be okay. I can take on another shift this week.”
“You already spend half your life here.” David had retired young and his partner, Gary, was understanding, but she hated imposing any further on their generosity.
“I live for these cats,” said David. “I adore the little hairballs. You know Gary and I were serious when we said we’d buy this place from you in a heartbeat. It would be an awesome retirement career.”
The idea of selling still gave her hives. This was Arthur’s place. How could she possibly sell it? “I don’t know.”
“Well, until you do, I’ll be right here to give you a hand.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek and went back to his work.
Claire shelved David’s suggestion for now, and headed toward her office. She was eager to check out the progress there.
Even though she was nervous to see Nick.
Sure enough, they were all there. Nick, Michael, Eli, Lacey and a couple of the other crew members were finishing up their coffees and inspecting the new drywall.
Lacey turned around first. “There she is. Hey, Claire. What do you think of your new office?”
Nick and the others turned around to say hello, but her gaze flew to Nick. He had shadows under his eyes, and his face did a funny dance, as if he wasn’t sure whether to frown or to smile.
Immediately, her spine crumpled inside her skin.
He didn’t look as if he’d gotten any sleep.
Just like her.
Her suspicions made her want to ignore everyone else, fly to him and wrap him in her arms.
“Claire?” said Lacey.
“It’s really great. Thanks, everyone.”
“Awesome. We’ll be able to put your furniture back shortly.” Lacey walked over, all business, and peered at Claire’s face. “Hmm. Are you feeling okay?”
“Sure. Why?”
“You just look a bit under the weather. Come to think of it, Nick does too. You both have dark circles under your eyes. There’s a lot of hard work going on. I hope you’re both staying hydrated.”
“Uh, yeah,” said Claire. “I’m super hydrated.”
“Good,” said Lacey. “Well, hopefully, there aren’t any yucky bugs going around.
Anyway, we’ll have to get makeup on that, and then we’ll start filming the paint job.
” She called over her shoulder to Nick. “You too, Nicholas. I want you and Claire to head straight over to Rochelle and Naomi. Tell the ladies they need to sprinkle extra fairy dust on both of you today.”
Nick nodded.
Michael and Eli just looked between Nick and Claire, eyes narrowed.
Can they tell, just from looking at us?
Surely not.
Then again, maybe lust and confusion were written all over her face.
Lacey shooed the two of them away. “Go on. We have a schedule to maintain.”
She and Nick walked out of the office together.
They didn’t say anything at first as they headed to the makeup room, but before they went in, Nick pulled her aside.
With his toolbelt and scuffed work boots, there was such an aura of strength about him.
It seemed at odds with the boyish vulnerability in his eyes. “Hey, can we talk for a second?”
“Of course.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, you?”
He shrugged. “It’s just that you seemed down when I left last night. I didn’t like leaving you on a sour note.”
He looked so earnest, and she just wanted to take all his hurt away. It wasn’t exactly in line with her plan to maintain certain boundaries. “It wasn’t sour, I swear. I had a great time, I really did.”
“I hope you would tell me if you didn’t, because I can take it.
If there’s something I could have done differently, I would have.
” He rolled his eyes. “I know I’ve been feeling sensitive about my performance issues, but last night was a game changer.
I can’t tell you what a relief it was to understand it’s all in my head.
You really helped me, Claire. It means a lot, and to think I might have disappointed you—”
“Oh, Nick. You really didn’t. It felt amazing.”
“I’m glad.” He frowned, clearly not buying her enthusiasm. “Then were you upset about Arthur? Because I would think that’s normal.”
“I just had a moment, that’s all. A weird, freaky little moment. Like we said earlier, it was a big night for both of us, and I may have let it get to me.” She forced a smile.
“So you’re good?”
“I’m good.” Her head bob might have been a tad vigorous, but he didn’t seem to notice. “I’m very good.”
“Okay.”
When he smiled, she let out the breath she was holding.
Claire wouldn’t have realized so many of her emotions were wrapped up in Nick’s smile, but when his lips spread in that devilish grin, everything seemed right with the world.
She even forgot about the hunk of anxiety balled up in her stomach.
He reached for her hand. “I would love for us to be able to do that again sometime, if you’re into it.”
“I’m so into it.” The words tumbled out of her mouth before they’d formed fully in her head. “Getting back in the saddle takes a few tries, you know.”
Did she have no self-restraint around this man? It was as if her body was insistent on betraying her in every possible way.
“Practice makes perfect.”
His smile widened, incinerating her panties. She almost hopped in place from the heat.
“Well,” he said, “I guess we should get some makeup on. Lacey said I looked like death warmed over this morning.”
“You look fine, believe me.”
He leaned in and whispered. “And you look absolutely edible.” Nick moved in for a kiss, but one of the other crew members walked into the hallway. On a low grunt, he stepped aside. “Makeup time, Claire?”
“Makeup time.”
Nick greeted Rochelle and Naomi with a loud “Good morning” and planted himself in one of the chairs.
Claire followed, sinking into the other.
See? Talking to Nick wasn’t a problem. He’s great. I’m great.