Chapter Seventeen
The Sunday night Zorn family dinner was mostly a blur to Nick.
A happy blur, full of congratulations for him, but a blur, nonetheless.
His parents couldn’t stop gushing over him and his new show, and they had lots of questions for Michael and Eli, wanting to ensure his brothers were content in making the contracting business their focus again.
Nick was glad his parents were proud of him, but he was relieved to take a back seat when Michael and Emily announced their pregnancy.
That was when the shrieks of delight hit the roof. His folks were so excited about having a grandchild. His mom teared up a bit, but his dad shocked everyone when he broke down.
“I’m sorry,” said David Zorn, wiping his eyes. “I really am happy. I just love you all so much.”
Of course, they pretty much all started crying at that point.
Nick knew he should have expected it. His mom had always been more likely to cry at weddings and such, but his dad had always had soft moments too. And even though the three Zorn brothers liked to act tough, they’d inherited much of that softness.
Which was probably why Nick was spent by the time dessert was served. He might have attributed his raw emotions to the evening’s news, but one other thought kept gnawing at him.
He would have loved for Claire to be part of an evening like this.
He would have loved to have her at his side, holding his hand when his parents shared their joy about his new job. It would have been great to draw her near when things got emotional with his dad.
Dude, a dinner like this is not exactly part of a ‘friends with benefits’ situation.
He knew full well that if he’d brought Claire to this shindig, she would have been uncomfortable.
Things are good. Why are you trying to complicate it? Most men would kill to be in your situation.
Fuck those guys.
Nick wanted nothing more than to be able to get over himself, to stop analyzing everything and to set his sights on the horizon. He had a bright future ahead, and he deserved to enjoy every minute. There was no reason he shouldn’t enjoy having sex with Claire, and a few good times.
Although there had been a moment last night when things had gone south. And he knew exactly why.
During those phenomenal moments with Claire, he’d kept telling himself, ‘No emotions.’
No emotions. No fucking emotions.
And yet to see her like that, so open and unguarded, had dragged every last emotion from his core.
He was crap at this no-emotions thing, at least with Claire.
After dessert, when everyone settled in the living room, Nick escaped to the back deck with his beer. The sun hadn’t quite set yet, and was casting a rosy glow across the sky.
Just like the beautiful pink of Claire’s ass after he’d spanked it.
His cock reacted at the memory. He cursed under his breath.
When the patio door opened behind him, Nick rid his brain of any Claire-related imagery. His father joined him on the deck, beer in hand, and leaned on the railing next to him.
“Hey, Dad. How’re you doing?”
The elder Zorn rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. I didn’t mean to start up the waterworks back there. I guess everything just hit me.”
Nick understood. After his mom’s cancer scare, everyone in the family had a new appreciation for life. “No one would blame you.”
They stood quietly, enjoying the sunset together. As Nick glanced at his father, he noticed several new grays in his hair. After last year, Nick was surprised he didn’t have a few himself. He didn’t normally notice his parents aging, but every so often, it hit him.
Once he started filming Nick of Time, he wouldn’t have his parents just a short drive away. No more Sunday night dinners, at least not on a regular basis. No more popping over to help his dad with a task.
More than ever, he was starting to feel like he was losing all his connections to home.
“The deck’s looking good,” said Nick, fighting another unwelcome wave of stupid emotion.
“Of course it does. I have the best deck guy in the business on speed dial. He takes care of us.”
Nick grinned. He and his dad had built the deck when Nick was sixteen. His dad, a master carpenter, had taught him everything he knew. The deck had been one of the many projects they’d tackled together. Just last summer, they’d given it a new coat of stain.
“So,” said his dad, “Michael let it slip that you’re seeing someone.”
“Did he now?”
“Don’t be annoyed with your brother. Your mom was fussing over him and Emily. I think he was just trying to deflect some of the heat.”
“I get it.”
“Tell me about your lady friend.”
“There’s not very much to tell. We’re keeping it casual.”
“Casual, huh? I see.” His dad took a swig of beer and trained his gaze toward the coral sky. “As long as you’re both happy with your arrangement.”
Was he happy?
It was getting harder to convince himself of it.
During dinner, there had been so many moments he’d wished he could share with Claire. Inside jokes, funny family stories and the like. It would warm his heart to be able to create those sorts of memories with her.
“Are you okay, Nick?”
He’d almost forgotten his father was standing next to him. “Yeah.”
“You don’t seem yourself, son. You haven’t for a while, to be honest.” His dad cleared his throat. “I hope that business with Kristy isn’t still causing trouble for you.”
Nick’s face burned. He’d told his parents about the fiasco, or at least, had given them the high-level version of the story. Neither of them used much social media, but he’d wanted to keep them in the loop in case someone they knew shot them a link. “No, it’s not that. It’s Claire.”
“The new woman in your life?”
“I’m not even sure I can call her that, Dad. The whole casual thing…it’s really her idea.”
“But it’s not working for you?”
“I want it to work. It’s worked for me before. But this time, something’s missing. Right from the beginning, I liked Claire, really liked her. We have this connection, and I want to explore it, but I don’t want to scare her away. She’s a widow, and I’m not sure we want the same things.”
“It sounds as if you’ve been considerate of her feelings.”
“I’m trying.”
“But you want more.”
“Dad, do you ever feel like you’re searching for something, but you don’t know what it is?”
“I think you know what it is, Nick. You’ve always known exactly what you’ve wanted out of life.
You’re a straight shooter. Even as a kid, you knew.
I remember when your mother and I introduced you boys to music lessons.
We started you all on the piano, to give you the basics.
You lasted precisely three weeks and then walked out of your lesson saying, ‘It’s not loud enough. I want to play drums.’”
“I remember that.” Nick chuckled. “But this is different. I feel like I’m floundering, like I’m on my own in every part of my life.
For so long, I’ve just been one of the Zorn boys.
People saw us as a unit. When we succeeded, we succeeded together.
When we got in trouble, we got in trouble together.
Even in school, I had a couple of teachers who never called me Nick.
They called me things like, ‘Young Zorn’ or ‘Little Zorn.’ There was this kid in my class who latched on to it.
He started calling me ‘Zorn the Lesser’. ”
His father grunted. “Who said that?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.” Nick sighed. “Dad, what if I really am Zorn the Lesser? I’ve wanted a chance to make a name for myself, and now I’m getting it, but what if it all backfires?”
“Nicholas Henry Zorn, you stop that right now. You are an outstanding person and your mother and I are incredibly proud of you, not because you’re part of a unit, but because of who you are. Can’t you see how accomplished you are?”
“Then why do I feel so lost? Why does it feel like I’m drifting, like I have no anchor?”
“You might have to be your own anchor, Nick.”
He’d always been so fortunate to have good role models. Nick sometimes forgot to look at himself in the same light.
“Son, I could rattle off your achievements, but you know them as well I do. You are going to be fine. You’ve a very good man.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Would you mind if I made a suggestion, though?”
“Please.”
“Let Claire know how you feel.”
“It’s no use. I don’t see how it can work. How can a relationship survive if one of the parties is always on the road? It’s not fair.”
“Hmm.” David Zorn tapped the railing a few times, musing. “Did I ever tell you about the time I took that carpentry job in the Yukon?”
“The Yukon? When was that?”
“Before you were born. Before your brothers were born, in fact. Your mom and I were just married, and didn’t have a dime in our bank account.
A contract came up for me through a friend, and I couldn’t say no to the money.
It was for six months. Your mother and I didn’t like the idea of being apart that long, but we made the decision that I should go.
It was hard. We certainly couldn’t video chat back then.
But we knew it wouldn’t be forever, and that money came in handy.
Because of that money, we were able to put a down payment on our first house.
So, yeah, I hated not being able to see her every day, but we made it work. ”
“You’re full of secrets, aren’t you?”
“I did have a life before you boys came along,” his father joked. “Listen, it seems to me the long-distance thing isn’t really your problem.”
“No?”
“Nah. It’s just a matter of logistics, and you can sort that out.
I think your real issue might be this whole ‘keeping it casual’ thing.
I know it’s what a lot of young people today want, and that’s fine.
As long as you and Claire agree on how you’re going to handle it.
But if it’s not working for one of you, it’s not working, period. ”
Nick nodded. “I really do like her.”
“I can see that.”