Chapter 36
I’m back here again, in a place of dreams I desperately wish were memories to replace the memories that haunt me every waking hour.
Snow falls from the starry sky, but there’s no breeze, and a frigid chill washes over my skin, causing a shudder to fill my bones.
I wrap my arms around myself, which is strange because I am cold.
I’m the bite of frost that can shatter frozen fingertips.
Why do I wish for warmth for the first time in my life?
My feet drag me up the path and to where I used to train with Desmond. It’s an addiction of longing, and tears slip down my cheeks at the thought of why I am here again. Do I always put myself here whenever I am too stressed and cannot withstand the panic of someone other than Desmond touching me?
A lost and forgotten kingdom comes into focus when I stand atop the entrance to the courtyard and turn back the way I came. It’s now a crystallised place where the souls rest beneath the frozen ground. Silence fills my ears, and the howling wind cannot bring a sense of sound over the dead.
When I enter the Training Grounds, he stands in the centre, a smile so bright it can shatter my icy heart over and over again until it aches. It’s what I need. I need him and the heat he brings because I feel numb with everything else except…That’s not true, is it?
“Marionette,” he says when I stand before him, “why are you here?”
I don’t answer, trying to figure out why I am here again.
“Did something happen to me?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
I furrow my brow. “But I was afraid, right?”
Desmond touches my cheek, and his thumb rubs across my cheekbone with a sweet tenderness that tastes like honey. “You are constantly in fight-or-flight mode without noticing. When someone comes near you, your mind believes they’re only there to abuse your body. And so, you snap.”
I move my arms around his shoulders and smile. The forcefulness strains my features, making it hard for them to be believable. “But there are some positives. I get to see you again.”
His hands touch my hips, and grazing across them brings a sense of life to my beating heart, but then it stops there for me. My body locks for a moment. He’s daringly close to the burns and the fire that frightens me.
The snow parts, and he guides me into a slow and seductive dance.
“It is not healthy, marionette,” he says. “You can’t keep coming here whenever you’re trapped and defenceless. You promised to fight before you sank your dagger into my heart.”
My fingers lace along his shirt, and I bite my bottom lip to rid myself of the frustration over his words. There was a time when I thought I was a fighter, but every time I felt alive, someone pushed me back down and showed me how weak I was.
We spin in circles. His indigo eyes never leave mine as we move around and around. They are watchful. He’s attentive, and that’s what I love about him as he twirls me around like a ballerina in a music box.
“It has occurred to me we have never danced before,” Desmond says.
“There are many things we haven’t done together. For one, our first kiss wasn’t what I expected; it was filled with sorrow.”
He strains a smile. “Still, you’re making memories with a figment of your imagination. Instead, bring life back into yourself and truly experience the world. Where do you want to go?”
“Home.”
Desmond makes a face. “Where do you want to go, Marionette?”
I lower my gaze when I say, “I want to go anywhere my freedom will take me. I’m sick of running and hiding. So, I’d like to go anywhere while being myself.”
He leans in, and his lips brush against mine like iron; it’s firm. “Then go chase that dream, marionette, and leave me in the past. You can’t hide here forever.”
Tears slip down my cheeks, and I try to blink them away, but they fall with bitterness, regret, and pain, showing no signs of going away. “What if I miss you?”
“Then you will have memories, not an illusion.”
I press my lips inward, rubbing them together to suppress more sadness from leaking out until it breaks through my cracked lips.
To see me broken sickens me because I don’t want to be like this.
I want to be me, but do I know who I am?
Since being brought into this world, I was raised as a puppet on strings.
Do as everyone says without questioning.
Abuse my body until it ached with disgust. Kill without question.
So, I need to ask myself: who do I want to be now that there is no need for revenge?
Who do I want to be?
“Okay,” I say. “But before I go, can I get a kiss goodbye?”
His hands move from my hips to my face until he cups it. Blurry eyes shift upwards until I arch my chin to gaze at him, and everything about my first and final love. Desmond’s lips find mine, and they feel just as I expect each time I close my eyes: cold, hard, and firm to the touch.
And with our last goodbyes, I sink into him until the snow of imagination sweeps across me, and I wake with an aching heart.
I expected to be lying in pain, still in the apartment, with a broken body, waiting for death to find me.
No.
I thought I wouldn’t wake up, and I was in my mind because it was the last piece of me before I faded away from this life. Yet, here I am, staring at an unfamiliar ceiling, with my body covered in thick blankets that suffocate me.
My focus rolls toward the floor-to-wall windows. A vast, dark blue sea gleams in the silver eye of the moon. So, I’m on a ship? It makes sense if the one who has me doesn’t want me to leave. I can’t precisely swim…I don’t know how.
As I rise, sitting in bed, my focus snaps to the corner of the room.
Through the darkness, illuminated eyes that can see into someone’s soul glow a sickly crimson red.
The darkness melts after a few blinks, and when my eyes adjust, Prince Reen is leaning comfortably in the chair with his arms on his knees, staring at me.
I crack a smile as I say, “I’m surprised I am not dead. You caught me before I reached the postal locker. Don’t tell me you reconsidered now?”
He breathes a laugh. “Wouldn’t you love that?” Prince Reen leans back in his chair. “No. Not a change of heart. More of a…I don’t know what to do with you.”
“And now?”
He taps his finger on his arm. “I want you dead, but everyone around me believes you are more useful to us alive.” Prince Reen rises, and his dominant figure steps out of the darkness and into the silver light of the moon. “I have a proposition for you.”
“Go on.”
“You can either become a Knight of Eraminia underneath my watchful gaze, rot in the cells for the remainder of your life, or die.”
I breathe a laugh. “What a hard decision to make. All of them sound so fucking appealing. But before I give you an answer, how much freedom will I gain if I become a knight?”
“None. I don’t trust you. So, until I can trust you, wherever I go, you follow. Whatever order I give, you listen.”
I take a deep breath and look away. Well, that fucking sucks. I knew it sounded too good to be true, but even here, with his limited options, I would still be a puppet on strings, listening to orders.
No. Like Desmond said, I will fucking fight for my life. Even if I’m risking it.
Folding my arms across my chest, I arch my chin and say to the Prince of Fire, “I have a deal for you.”
His lip curls. “You aren’t in a position to be making demands.”
“But it’s one you will want.”
Prince Reen hesitates, as I knew he would. His brow furrows, and he goes into deep thought, contemplating my desirable offer. I know he will consider my offer. We’re alike, even if we don’t want to think so ourselves. Curiosity will always get the better of us.
It’s in our nature and obsession.
“I’m all ears, Pandora,” he says.
“You want a satisfying hunt, and I want my freedom. So, why don’t we fight it out in the amphitheatre, and whoever survives gets the satisfaction of what they want?”
A grin broadens on his face. “If I agree to this deal, what are the rules?”
“No elemny abilities, interference or weapons. We fight with our fists, and the first to die from them, well…dies.”
“And you want your freedom if I die?”
“I want a pardon from King Walkyer himself. Once I have it in writing, we will go to an amphitheatre that won’t cause my lungs to suffocate from ash, and we will fight.”
Prince Reen taps his finger. A trait he exhibits when in deep thought.
“We will go to Oceanview Harbour. It’s on the way to the Kingdom of Flesh, and before I head home, we will go there and settle things.” His eyes narrow. “My brother won’t be happy about it, but if I contact him and you tell him that these are your terms and I am abiding by them, he will agree.”
“So?” I tilt my head to the side. “Do we have a deal?”
He wears a wicked grin, illuminated red eyes, and the dip of his head shows how sadistic he is, but it also shows his excitement over a game. “I won’t harm you until we enter the amphitheatre, Pandora Hart.”
“And I won’t run, Prince Reen.”