Chapter 30 Not Himself
CHAPTER THIRTY
NOT HIMSELF
ADELINE
“Where have you two been?” Ardruna is pacing on the top steps outside the library, long canines bared. “Talton says a hydra attacked you? A hydra? We haven’t seen one in years. This girl is so unlucky.”
“Thanks,” I say drily, dragging my sorry ass up the stairs after Roane. “Appreciate the sentiment.”
Talton flies over us to land on Ardruna’s back. “Why the long faces? Did you two have a fight?”
I scowl. “That’s none of—”
“No.” Roane marches past the lioness and through the open door of the building. “Where are the clothes you found, Tal?”
“At the nest.” The raven takes off, flying after him, vanishing in the dark interior. “I can’t believe I missed you fighting a hydra. All my feathers are aflutter. Was it dangerous?”
“What do you think?” I call after him.
I can’t hear Roane’s reply.
“Everything okay?” Ardruna is looking at me, and I realize I’ve stopped, the egg held tightly in my arms. “What’s that?”
“A griffin egg.”
“And why do you have one in your possession, pray tell?”
“I stole it.”
“Of course you have. Is that why Roane is in a mood?”
“First of all, I’m a thief. Stealing is what I do. And second, he’s always in a mood, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”
Except when he wasn’t… When he was nice, protective, growly and sexy, but that didn’t last, did it? That in itself is a hazard bell tolling, and I should take heed.
Only I’m stuck here with him. This is so frustrating, and the frustration is a thin veneer hiding my fear.
“Come inside, girl,” Ardruna says, poking me in the side with her muzzle. “Eat something, rest. See if the clothes Talton found fit you.”
“And then what?” I ask, angry because I’m suddenly close to tears. “Learn how to throw knives and use a sword? Find a nice cave to live in until I die here?”
“Calm yourself. One step at a time.”
“Easy for her to say,” Olm says, startling me. “This is her world. She probably hasn’t known anything else. For her, it might be perfectly fine for you to be stuck here.”
“Olm, did you…?” I swallow thickly. “Did you know? That we’d get trapped here? Is that why you didn’t want to come?”
“No, I thought the library was open to visitors. At least, long ago it was.”
“Long ago? How do you know that? Talk to me.”
But he doesn’t reply.
“Are you talking to your book again?” Ardruna asks.
“I told you, his name is Olm.”
“It’s hard to treat him as a person,” Ardruna says, “when I can’t see him, much less hear him. Olm, can’t you… manifest or something? So I can see you?”
“Are you asking me to exit the book?” Olm asks.
“Exit the book? Not sure that’s a good idea.” I think of the ghostly form he’d taken out on the plains and shiver. “How will I convince him to get back inside afterward?”
Ardruna produces a ‘pfft’ sound. Kind of dismissive. “Sorry, I thought he was your friend.”
“It’s a book I found in the city, lying on the ground,” I say. “A dangerous book.”
“Don’t you like me?” Olm whispers. “I thought we were friends.”
“Are we?” I demand. “Why won’t you tell me what’s in your book?”
“That’s for your own protection.”
“So you are the one blurring the pages,” I whisper. “You know what’s inside. You lied about it and you’re still lying. All you want is to protect yourself.”
“And what if I do?” he says shrilly. “Who will look out for us except for ourselves?”
“That’s sad,” I whisper.
“But it’s the truth.”
“It doesn’t work like that, Olm. Either you tell me the truth, or I let Roane bind you and chain you.”
The book suddenly starts shaking in my hands. It bulges grotesquely, the leather-bound cover cracking.
“Don’t!” I hiss. “Don’t you dare, Olm!”
The book groans and writhes, bulging in different places, and I think I see a face on the cover, a male face, appearing and then fading away again.
“Give me that book,” Ardruna growls, “and I’ll take it to Roane. We’ll bind it so fast it won’t know what hit it.”
I’m trembling, drenched in sweat. I don’t know how much more I can take. These past few days are taking their toll. “No.”
“Why are you still holding onto it?”
“I have…” I swallow hard. “I have this feeling that it might prove important.”
“In what way?”
“It has answers.”
“Really.” Another growl. “And what are the questions?”
“This world,” I whisper. “What’s wrong with this world? Something’s off about it.”
Ardruna stares at me, her blue eyes luminous. “Oh, girl. You have barely just arrived. How would you know if anything were amiss?”
“I have a feel for—”
“Stories. Yes, you have said so.”
“You don’t believe me,” I breathe.
“I don’t believe you understand the gravity of the situation. You’re letting a dangerous book manipulate you. It should have already been bound and locked away.”
“Not yet.” I force myself to move. “Let’s go inside before Roane shuts us out of the building.”
“He’d never do that.”
“That pedestal you put him on is kind of high, don’t you think?”
“You don’t know him,” Ardruna says.
“No, I only know he throws tantrums like a child, likes to order people about and glares instead of communicating.”
“If that’s how you feel,” Ardruna says stiffly, walking ahead. “It appears you don’t like us very much.”
Uh-oh. Now I’ve gone and insulted her. “Wait…”
“We’ve only rescued you, fed you, dressed you and kept you alive in this crazy world since you made the mistake of entering, but sure.
Attack the man who rules this place, the one who took us under his wing, the one who risked his life several times already to save yours.
If badmouthing him makes you feel better for your own shortcomings, then by all means, go ahead. Don’t let me stop you.”
Oh Gods… “Ardruna, wait!”
Talton flies out with a long whistle before we enter the temple. “There you are.”
“What happened?” I adjust the egg against my side. “Where is Roane?”
“He told me to fuck off.”
“In those exact words?”
“Sadly, yeah.”
“I told you he’s not being himself,” Ardruna mutters.
“Is that what it looks like to you?” I shake my head at her. “Since I arrived, he’s been ornery, but you two insist that normally he’s… what? A bright ray of light? The life of every festivity?”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Ardruna says.
“Well, good, or I’d think you’re crazy.”
“He’s usually quiet, but also polite and protective. He smiles and laughs a lot more, believe it or not.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” I grumble. “So now you’re saying I’m the cause of his bad mood?”
“That’s not what I said.”
Talton lands on Ardruna’s back. “Hasn’t he been nice to you, Aline?”
“He was… nice last night,” I grudgingly admit. “And this morning. Then he pushed me away and has been in a mood since.” I frown. “Do you think he’s sick? Maybe it’s a mental condition.”
“You’re joking.” Ardruna’s tail swishes back and forth in annoyance. “You think we wouldn’t have noticed if he was losing his marbles?”
“I don’t know.” I chew on my lower lip. “I mean, he said something about illusions.”
“Yeah,” she agrees, “he has mentioned them. Sometimes he becomes caught up in his past.”
“You don’t think he’s telling the truth?”
“About the illusions? Oh no, I think he’s truthful.
” She turns her head to snarl softly at the bird on her back.
Talton clicks his beak at her. “I don’t know how the magic of warrior librarians works.
If imagined or remembered things appear as real.
If they become real. Or if it’s in his mind, the same way a nightmare is, real to the one who is plagued by it, but invisible to everyone else. ”
“You’re wise for a lion,” I mutter.
“And you should appreciate animals more.”
I laugh. “You’re wise for a human, too.”
“So I’ve been told.”
“What were you two discussing without me earlier?” Talton asks. “No secrets allowed. Tell me.”
She growls at him. “We’re discussing you. Talking about how insecure you are.”
He ruffles his feathers. “That’s mean, Druna. I’m your friendly neighborhood raven and basically your only friend.”
That line… reminds me of something, but I can’t put my finger on it.
“Have you been reading?” I ask him and he croaks.
“Books? I’m a bird.”
“A bird who thinks and talks like a man.”
“Ravens are intelligent. Some say more intelligent than men.”
“But not more intelligent than women.” Ardruna’s ruby tongue lolls. She looks like she’s laughing. It makes me snort.
I shouldn’t be horsing around with them. I’m badmouthing their friend, apparently, and sooner or later I’ll have to face Roane again. Face all three of them. A united front.
On cue, Ardruna turns and pads into the building. “Roane was teasing you, Tal. This is our home. Come on. And you, girl. If you don’t feel like you’re too good for our company, then you’d better come inside.”