Chapter 7
“A
bsolutely nae,” Ryan said, swiping his hand through the air.
Beitris was standing before him, a shocked look on her face. Caroline was not present, nor were Allan and Elliot. It was just the two of them.
“Da, ye cannae dae this! It’s unfair of ye tae treat me differently than Allan and Elliot,” she rasped.
“But ye are different. They hae more training than ye, more experience.”
“And how am I supposed tae gain more experience when ye dinnae ever let me fight? I want tae contribute tae this war just like the rest of the family, but ye are stopping me. When it’s over I dinnae want tae be left out of the toasts. I dinnae want people tae think that I was helpless.”
“Naebody will think that,” Ryan said, although his tone faltered.
Beitris didn’t believe him anyway.
“Aye, they will. Ye ken they will. I hae proven myself on the training field. Ye cannae coddle me. I am nae a lass any longer. Why will ye nae let me fight?”
The frustration in her voice kept rising. Spittle flew from her mouth to the point where she was screaming. In response, Ryan slammed his palm on the arm of his chair.
“Because I’m afraid of losing ye!” he thundered.
The words echoed around the room and caused Beitris to fall silent. The war had been harrowing for so many, but she had rarely seen her father this distraught. He looked as though he had aged ten years with the passing of a few moments, and his features were pale.
“Da… death is something that all warriors must face.”
“There are fates worse than death. I cannae… I cannae bear the thought that ye will suffer the same fate as Angus, that he will strip ye of yer memories and make ye think ye are his child. That is the kind of twisted man he is, especially if he blames me. I’m sure it would be a sick kind of justice in his mind.
He blames me for the loss of his daughter, so he would take mine from me. ”
Ryan’s tone was desolate and filled with dread. He put his head in his hands. “Ye would be more of a target than yer brothers. That is why I cannae allow ye tae fight.”
“But the villagers, I want tae help them.”
“I ken ye dae, but we must choose our battles wisely. I need tae keep ye safe, and if that hurts yer pride then sae be it. If ye hate me, sae be it. I would rather have ye alive and angry with me than dead or… or worse,” he said.
“It’s nae fair,” Beitris muttered.
“None of this is, but I hae tae keep my family safe. That is the end of it.” He lifted his gaze. “And I would appreciate it if ye dinnae meet a warrior at midnight.”
Beitris supposed it had been too much to hope that the training session would have been kept secret.
“He is nae just a warrior. He’s the best at what he does, but I will become better.
I’ll become the best warrior there is and ye will hae nae choice but tae send me tae war.
He is the only one who sees my potential.
I bet if I were a boy we would nae be haeing this discussion. ”
“Think that if ye want, but it is nae true. One day ye will understand what it is tae be a parent, and ye will forgive me,” Ryan said.
Beitris stared at him but could not conceive of an instance where that would be the case. She turned on her heels and marched away from him, heading out to the training field to blow off some steam.
To her surprise, she found Logan there.
“Why are ye nae with the others? Hae ye nae heard about the attack on the village? Everyone is certain that Warnock is waiting tae ambush us,” Beitris said.
“I will nae be needed. Warnock will nae be in a mere ambush. If anything, this is a distraction and he will be elsewhere.”
Beitris pressed her lips together and nodded. It was a wise thought and something she had not considered when she insisted on riding to the village. There was more to being a warrior and a captain than prowess with weapons it seemed. She would have to start thinking about things in new ways.
“Then it is prudent tae hold back,” Beitris said as if she had thought of the possibility herself.
Logan had a strange, distant look in his eyes and there was a thickness to his voice that had not been present before.
“Aye, although that dinnae make his army any less dangerous. I hope Brody returns.”
It was the first time she had seen Logan care about anything.
“Our armies hae fought Warnock often. They ken his tricks,” she replied, although he did not seem convinced. “By the way, I’m afraid I hae some bad news. I dinnae think a good word will make any difference with Da. He kens that we trained taegether last night.”
Logan nodded, although he didn’t seem too disappointed.
“I see,” he replied.
Beitris looked away and bit on her lower lip. Then before she could stop herself she blurted out, “He forbade me from joining the army.”
“I dinnae think ye were the type tae allow anyone tae forbid ye.”
“It’s different with him. He is my father and my Laird. He will hae ordered everyone tae stop me from riding out.”
“He dinnae believe ye can fight?”
Beitris shook her head. “It’s nae that. My cousin was captured by Warnock.
He lost his memory and believed himself tae be an ally of Warnock, a ward.
Warnock made him hate us, treating him as if Angus were his own son.
I cannae think of a worse fate,” Beitris spat, and by the look on Logan’s face, he seemed to think the same as well.
“I believe I heard whispers of something like that…” Logan said.
“Da is worried the same thing will happen tae me, which I think is unfair, but there’s little I can dae about it.”
Logan didn’t reply, and it was as though he hadn’t heard her. She was about to chastise him for ignoring her when she realized it was because he was distracted by something over his shoulder. She turned to follow his gaze and tension curled within her as she saw her father striding to meet them.
“I thought I told ye tae stop training with him,” Ryan asked.
“It’s nae midnight,” Beitris replied.
She felt Logan tense. It must have been hard for him, she thought. He wanted to make a good impression on the Laird yet here he was helping her, going against the Laird’s wishes. Although she wasn’t entirely certain of her feelings about him, she didn’t want him to suffer on her behalf.
“Ye might be able tae keep me from fighting, but ye cannae stop me from making my own decisions. Unless ye want tae lock me up in the Keep like ye did Ma.”
Ryan flinched at this and pursed his lips.
When he spoke it was in a terse tone. “I dinnae want that at all. I came out here because I dinnae like the way our conversation ended. I want ye tae understand that I am trying tae look after ye. That is all I hae ever tried tae dae, and just because ye are older now it dinnae mean I am gaeing tae stop being yer father. I ken I cannae stop ye from training, but please just be cautious. We hae lost sae much already. I dinnae ken what I would dae with myself if I lost ye. I love ye, Beitris, I’m just worried that yer wild nature will prove tae be dangerous,” he said, and exhaled deeply afterwards.
Then, he turned to Logan.
“I’d ask ye tae argue against her dangerous ideas, but I ken my daughter. Donal speaks highly of ye, but if ye want tae prove yer worth tae this clan then ye will make sure that naething happens tae her; otherwise I’ll hae yer head,” Ryan said before marching away.
“He dinnae mean that,” Beitris said.
Logan barely heard her words. His eyes stung and there was a raging cacophony in his mind. His fingers twitched beside his sword.
It would have been so easy to draw it and plunge the blade into Ryan’s back, or his stomach, or across his neck.
In fact, in those brief moments, Logan thought of a dozen different ways to kill him.
Beitris would shriek in horror and if she remembered she was a warrior as well as a daughter then she’d likely kill him in one breath, but it wasn’t enough.
He needed Ryan to know why he was being killed.
And he wanted to make sure that Brody was safe. Logan hated to refuse the call to fight, but he could not engage the enemy now. They might recognize him, and all of his efforts would be ruined.
Perhaps there was another reason why he hesitated as well, although he would rather not dwell on this question because there were some things he could not admit even to himself.
Being so close to Ryan made Logan’s skin prickle, but it was worse to see him make amends with Beitris, to tell her that he loved her.
Logan had never heard those words slip between his father’s lips, and he was certain that Abigail hadn’t either.
Warnock had been quick to send Logan to war, whereas Ryan sought to protect Beitris.
Logan couldn’t imagine Ryan sending Beitris or any of his other children out to spend the night in a pit with only the distant stars for company.
Or taking another man to be his replacement.
Logan had heard the whispered stories about Angus, although he refused to believe them at first. He didn’t want to admit that Warnock was cruel enough to replace him after he ran away, yet the facts were irrefutable. And now Warnock wanted him back. Logan could almost laugh.
Still, it didn’t change what Ryan had done.
He might be a good parent to Beitris, but he had still rejected Abigail and inflicted a wound so deep that she took herself away from the world.
Ryan shouldn’t have had the opportunity to apologize to his daughter.
Soon enough Logan would quench his thirst for blood and this would all be over.
Perhaps it should have been already.
Why hadn’t he drawn his sword?