Chapter 15
“Ican’t believe you’ve never tried deep-dish pizza,” Paige said, perplexed. “That’s like, one of the first things Nadia and I did when we moved here.”
“You forget that I’m from the East Coast. I grew up an hour outside of New York City, so the only pizza that I choose to recognize is a thin-crust slice bigger than my face,” Carter stated. “Whatever that saucy dish is, it most definitely is not pizza.”
The pair had returned from the store and were putting away their groceries.
Paige bought fixings for them to have a charcuterie board, including a brie that she planned to bake with honey and walnuts.
She threw in a few extra snacks to have on her plane ride, plus a couple of bottles of wine.
She hoped some liquid courage might help her tell Carter how she really felt about him before the night was over.
Carter bought a few frozen thin-crust pizzas and some more protein bars to hold himself over until the snow cleared and he could resume his usual takeout routine.
While they were shopping they talked about their favorite spots in Chicago, favorite places they’ve traveled to, and crazy stories from their early twenties.
Talking to Carter was comfortable—something Paige hadn’t experienced in a long time. The more she got to know him, the more she saw how funny and sensitive he really was. He was the opposite of how he’d originally presented himself to be. And she was dying to better understand what had changed.
After putting the groceries away, they each retreated to their own rooms to shower before dinner.
The warm water felt like a blanket surrounding Paige’s skin. After spending all that time out shoveling and walking to the grocery store, she was chilled to her bones. The only thing that kept her from soaking in a hot bath was the fact that Carter would be waiting for her in the kitchen.
Once she was dry, Paige wasn’t sure what to wear. Typically, she would go with something cozy and comfortable, but now that she knew Carter was interested in her, she didn’t want to look like a total slob.
She settled on leggings with a cute yet slightly oversized Christmas sweater. She followed it up by putting on mascara and some subtle lip gloss. She figured this elevated her comfy look a little bit.
“How many Christmas sweaters do you own?” Carter questioned her when she walked out of her room.
“Nadia and I get new ones each year, so at this point we each have about eight or nine,” Paige replied proudly.
“Well, you’re nothing if not dedicated,” Carter said. He was leaning against the island in a black T-shirt and black joggers, giving Paige a half smile that sent her head spinning. “Are you excited to get back home tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I am,” Paige confessed. “Don’t get me wrong, these last couple of days have actually been much better than I thought they’d be, but I hate the thought of missing Christmas with my family.”
“I get that,” he said. “It’s going to feel lonely here, but I really hope your flight can go out tomorrow.”
He gave her a genuine smile before grabbing one of the wine bottles and pouring them each a glass.
Paige started getting the charcuterie board ready for their dinner.
“So,” she started, “what were you going to do this Christmas anyway? You said you usually travel somewhere?”
“Absolutely nothing,” he answered. “For the first time in five years, I was planning to do this.” He pointed around the condo.
“Just sit at home and chill. Lately I’ve packed so much into my life to try to avoid feeling anything too intensely.
” He paused and took a drink of his wine.
“It’s always been my coping mechanism—even before my dad passed—and losing him only made it more necessary.
The more I stood still, the more I missed him, so I decided I would just constantly be moving and chase the highs so I didn’t need to experience the lows. ”
“Wow, it’s great that you’re so self-aware,” Paige said. She was genuinely impressed.
“Well, after so many years of running from my emotions, I finally hit the wall,” Carter admitted.
“I went to see a therapist and he helped me sort through all of this shit in my head. I finally saw that everything in my life was superficial. The way I dressed, the way I acted, the way I lived, the vacations I took, the apartment I lived in, my friendships, my relationships—none of it actually made me happy long-term. So, I went against every instinct in my body that told me to just deal with it and stay numb, and I finally decided to make some changes.”
Is this what a real adult relationship looks like? She thought to herself. I don’t think Chance ever had a thought this profound—at least nothing he ever said out loud.
Paige reached across the island and squeezed his hand. “For what it’s worth, I don’t see anything superficial about you. All I see is a kind and genuine man who expresses his feelings, helps elderly neighbors in need, and really, really sucks at Mario Kart.”
“Well, wait a minute now.” He gasped playfully. “That race was mine to win and you know it.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Carter.”
“Stupid blue shell,” he muttered under his breath.
Paige’s phone timer went off, and she took her hand out of his grasp. She grabbed the baked brie from the oven and brought the completed cheeseboard over to the coffee table. Carter followed behind her with both their glasses of wine and the open bottle.
They situated themselves on the couch—this time sitting much closer to each other. Paige’s heart skipped a beat.
“So, you said you’ve made some changes. Anything new in your dating life?” Paige asked boldly, admittedly a bit nervous to hear his answer.
Carter took a sip of his wine.
“My last relationship never went below surface level. She’s an aspiring model and I’m a little ashamed to admit that I started dating her because she fit with what I thought my life should look like.
” Carter had the decency to look uncomfortable with this admission, but didn’t hold back as he continued.
“We went to fancy parties and traveled to exotic places, which helped numb the grief of losing my dad. But we never talked about anything important. I was okay with it for so long because our lifestyles were a good fit and the physical part of our relationship was never an issue.” He shrugged as if he were sharing the most casual detail.
“But eventually, I couldn’t deny any longer that I felt hollow.
” Carter’s gaze lifted to meet Paige’s briefly before he grabbed a cracker and a slice of cheese.
Paige was trying not to spiral. Carter’s life had looked exactly as she’d imagined it when she first met him. “How recent was this?” She couldn’t help but ask the question. She saw a brief look of panic on his face, and she feared her suspicions about a recent breakup were true.
“We started dating about three years ago,” Carter said, not fully answering the question. “And then, uh, we bro—”
Paige’s phone went off. It was Nadia trying to FaceTime.
“Oh my god,” Paige exclaimed. “I think Nadia just got engaged! Do you mind if I answer?”
“Not at all, let’s see the bling,” he said, looking relieved.
As soon as Paige answered the call, she saw Nadia’s left hand directly in front of the camera with a diamond ring on her finger.
“Guess who’s gonna be Mrs. Eriksson!” She exclaimed.
Paige let out a shriek of excitement for her friend.
Nadia filled her in on the events of their day.
She and Linus drove out to the lake to take a walk.
They came across a bench and sat down to take in the view of the icy water.
When Nadia turned to look at Linus, he was sitting there, ring in his cold, purple hand, and then he asked her to marry him.
Nadia said that Linus had all these other elaborate ideas in mind, and the blizzard had thwarted all of them. But to her, this was the most romantic proposal she could have asked for—just the two of them taking in the view of the lake and the city they both now called home.
They talked for a few more minutes until Nadia had to go to start making calls to her family. Paige was honored to have been the first FaceTime.
“They look so happy,” Paige said to Carter after hanging up. She reached over and filled their wine glasses up with what was left in the bottle, completely forgetting where she and Carter had left off in their conversation.
“Yeah, they really do,” Carter agreed, but kept his eyes down on his glass. “So, what about you? Ever gotten close to getting married?”
“I thought I was close with my ex from work,” Paige confided.
“But turns out I was the only one who thought that. We dated for just over three years, and the way we talked, I thought we had a future together. But looking back on it now, I realize he never really gave me anything aside from empty promises.” She took a gulp of wine.
“You know, he even had the nerve to come begging for forgiveness after he cheated on me. And in less than two weeks, his head was already turned back to the other girl.”
“Real class act.” Carter rolled his eyes.
“For the past year I’ve avoided dating. I think part of me just didn’t want to open myself up to getting hurt again, but if I’m being really introspective, I think a big part of me feels like I just won’t be enough for anyone.
I wasn’t enough for Chance to propose. Hell, I was barely enough to meet his family more than a few times.
And do you know how humiliating it is for someone to cheat on you?
Like, as if I needed a bigger reason to feel unwanted. ”
Paige surprised even herself with this revelation. There was something about Carter that made her feel more in tune with her emotions. She felt safe putting her thoughts out in the open.
“Chance is an absolute idiot,” Carter said, reaching over and grabbing her wine-free hand.
“I’ve only known you a few weeks, and I only really started getting to know you a couple of days ago, but you’re special, Paige.
You have passions, you have personality, you have depth.
You have this way of making me feel one hundred percent comfortable with you, which is something I haven’t experienced in a long, long time.
I need you to understand that you are most definitely wanted. ”
Carter had scooted himself closer to her while he was talking, and Paige’s body was tingling more with each centimeter of the gap he closed between them.
He was like a magnet, because Paige realized she was already leaning into him, practically begging for him to kiss her. But as soon as he finished his sentence he was there, meeting her lips again with the same softness from earlier.
The kiss lasted longer than before, but they eventually parted and Carter rested his forehead against hers.
Paige’s heart was pounding so hard she was sure Carter could hear it. She never believed it when people said they experienced fireworks during a kiss, but now she had firsthand proof.
“I know we’re snowed in here,” he breathed, “but I still feel like I can’t get enough of you.”
And with that, they were kissing again, this time with more passion. Carter’s right hand moved to her thigh, his left hand lightly resting on her neck with his thumb stroking her jawline.
Paige grabbed at his T-shirt and used it to pull herself even closer to him. The next thing she knew she was tugging his shirt up, and he obliged by pulling it up and over his head, breaking their kiss just enough for her to give his chiseled torso a once-over.
He wrapped his arms around her, effectively pulling her into his lap.
If he couldn’t hear her heart before, there was no way he couldn’t hear it now.
He traced his fingers down her back, and Paige felt electricity surge through her body.
This was the hottest thing that had happened to her in a long time—maybe ever—and her pulse was racing.
It was clear Carter knew what he was doing. The movement of his tongue was skillful and subtle, and his hands touched all the right places. Paige started to worry her hookup drought would become obvious to him. Did she still remember the right techniques? Was he enjoying this as much as she was?
“What’s wrong? Do you want to stop?” he asked, sensing her hesitation.
Why am I overthinking this?
Paige wanted this. She wanted him.
“No,” she whispered. She pulled her sweater over her head and pulled him toward her as she laid back on the couch.
***
“That was . . .” Paige’s brain couldn’t come up with the words to adequately describe the sex she just had.
“Amazing?” Carter finished her sentence.
“What’s better than amazing?” She smirked as she ran her hand through his hair, twirling a strand around her finger.
He tilted his head up to kiss her again as she laid on his chest.
“Are you sure your flight tomorrow didn’t get delayed?” Carter asked jokingly. “I’m not ready to let you go.” He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her back.
“Well, you’re not making it easy, that’s for certain,” she murmured against his chest.
“Fine,” he conceded. “I’ll be waiting patiently for your return then.”
“You know,” she said, “if I’m leaving tomorrow, we should probably go for round two to hold ourselves over.”
“Consider my attention piqued.” With one arm already wrapped around her, Carter used his other to roll her over so he was on top of her.
They made love again—this time was even better than the first—and then stayed up talking until they couldn’t stay awake any longer, falling asleep to the beat of each other’s hearts.
***
ang, bang, bang.
Paige slowly opened her eyes as she realized someone was knocking on her door. She checked her phone: 8:27 a.m.
Bang, bang, bang.
Who could possibly be at the door at this hour? She thought, still half asleep.
She smiled at the still-groggy Carter as she got up off the couch. She threw on her leggings and sweater and made her way to the front door.
Paige opened it to find the most beautiful woman with dark hair and perfectly symmetrical features standing opposite her.
“Hi, can I help you?” Paige asked the mystery woman.
“Yeah,” she said, sounding annoyed. “I’m looking for my boyfriend.”