Chapter 27
Mother told us that Gareth needed at least another day to fully regain his strength. Given how thoroughly he’d loved me the previous night, I thought his strength was perfectly sufficient, but I didn’t protest.
Instead, I kept to myself: a long, brisk run through the woods, training with a heavy branch that made a serviceable practice staff, and then a quick dive into a nearby pond to cool down.
I lay naked on a flat rock to dry in the sun, trying in vain to silence my roiling thoughts, until I lost hope that Gareth would wander this far into the woods, stumble upon me, and proceed to distract me with those deft hands of his.
I dressed and walked back to the house, and by the time I arrived, my stomach was growling and I had a headache from sheer irritation.
The beauty of Wardwell grated on my every nerve.
Rationally I knew that Mother staying hidden up here and strengthening her powers in secret was the safest thing for all of us.
Parading around Gallinor to reinforce Order patrols or search for the ytheliad anchors alongside Gemma and Talan would be like presenting a slab of fresh meat to a hungry wolf and expecting it not to bite.
Kilraith would certainly bite.
I couldn’t bring myself to go into the house.
The sunlight felt too nice on my skin, even as enchanted and false as it was.
I picked an armful of fruit and vegetables from the gardens behind the cottage, then found a soft patch of grass under an ancient-looking oak tree and sat and ate.
Snacking and sulking, I thought to myself.
Not my finest moment. Especially when there were so many more pressing things to ruminate on than all the old sadnesses swimming around in my mind.
From the tree’s shadows I could see everyone coming and going from the cottage: Father and Gemma walking arm in arm, deep in quiet conversation; Mother humming to herself around the stem of her pipe while Talan dutifully handed her one wet garment after another to hang on the clothesline; and, to my delight, Ryder and Gareth having a sparring session on the lawn.
I heard Farrin’s footsteps behind me long before she spoke.
“Ryder wanted to give Gareth a chance to test his muscles,” she said, sitting down beside me.
I nodded. “Ryder is a smart man. We’ll all need to be able to fight.” I popped three blueberries into my mouth and munched angrily. “I should have been the one to think of that.”
“You needed some time to yourself,” Farrin said. “I certainly understand that. I’ve just been on a long walk myself.”
We sat in silence for a time, and then Farrin cleared her throat delicately. “So. You and Gareth.”
My cheeks burned. I grabbed five blueberries this time, enough that I had a moment to chew and think.
“Me and Gareth,” I replied at last. A profound response, to be sure.
“If he hurts you, I’ll kill him.”
“He won’t.” The confidence with which I said the words surprised me, but they were true. I felt in my bones that they were true. “And if he does,” I added lightly, “I’ll kill him long before you get the chance to.”
She laughed once, softly, then drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. “For all the years I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him like this.”
A sudden lump in my throat made it difficult to swallow. “Seen him like what?”
“Happy. Strong. Settled. It’s like he’s finally grown up. Several years too late,” she added dryly.
“We’ve been here for only a few hours, during several of which he was unconscious... Or otherwise occupied,” Farrin added slyly.
I blushed. “...and you’ve already managed to see all of that?”
“He’s my best friend. I can tell.”
Finally I found the courage to look at her, a question on my lips, one that had been stirring in the back of my mind for weeks. “Farrin, do you mind at all?”
She smiled. Wisps of golden-brown hair had fallen loose from her braid. Her eyes were just as soft. “In fact, I’m delighted. Just surprised.”
That made me laugh. “No one’s more surprised than I am.”
“When we were all in Vallenvoren in the fall, and he kept pestering you and mooning over you...”
“I’m used to that sort of thing. Usually people aren’t so earnest about it though.”
“Earnest. Yes.” Farrin watched Ryder and Gareth with a thoughtful look on her face.
“He is earnest, though I don’t think many people know that.
He makes jokes, he flashes that smile, he beds his latest paramour and then breaks her heart when she inevitably falls in love with him, and everyone thinks they know exactly who he is.
But they don’t. He’s brave, and he doesn’t love easily—not real love—but when he does, it’s with his entire heart. ”
I followed her gaze to the lawn just as Ryder swung his practice sword and caught Gareth behind his knees, making him stumble.
Ryder let out a hearty laugh that broke off quickly as Gareth caught himself and spun around to strike.
Ryder just barely managed to block Gareth’s sword before it smacked him on the shoulder.
Gareth crowed in triumph and pushed his sweaty hair back from his forehead, his smile as bright as the sun. Looking at him, I felt the knots of tension in my shoulders begin to melt away.
“Who is he to you?” Farrin asked quietly.
When I turned once more to look at her, she kept her eyes trained on the men, a small but fierce furrow between her eyebrows. The guarded note in her voice was obvious: If you hurt him, I’ll kill you.
The thought made me feel so tender toward her—my angry, tired sister with her golden voice and her heart of steel—that I had to move closer to her, hook my arm through hers, and take one of her hands in mine.
“He hurts like I do,” I said at last, choosing my words carefully.
..not for her, but for myself. “And he isn’t afraid of me.
” I hesitated, thinking of that lonesome mountain in Ghorlock where I’d lain down to die.
“I’ve done things that would frighten most people away.
They’d run and never return. But he sees them—sees me—and he keeps coming back. ”
As I spoke, Ryder knocked Gareth to the ground with the butt of his sword, and Gareth lay there, gasping with laughter. “Peace, you bearded brute!” he cried. “Let me catch my breath!”
Ryder relented, lowered his sword, and offered his hand to help Gareth to his feet. But after Gareth grabbed hold of him, he pulled hard and brought Ryder crashing to the ground.
“Talan!” Gareth shouted, scrambling atop Ryder to pin him in place. “Talan, get your beautiful, gallant ass over here! I’ve got him! Grab a weapon and come to my aid before he recovers!”
But Ryder, it seemed, was in no danger of recovering anytime soon. He was flat on the ground, shaking with laughter—big booming laughs that left him completely incapacitated.
Gareth rose to his feet, tossed away his sword, and raised his hands in triumph. “The mighty house of Bask, bested by a librarian! A banner day for academics everywhere!”
He barely got the words out before Ryder rolled over and kicked his legs out from under him.
Gareth fell as gracelessly as it was possible for a person to fall, and then they were both howling with laughter in the dirt.
Talan, grinning, abandoned his post at Mother’s side and hurried to retrieve the two fallen swords, which made Gareth cry out in alarm through his laughter, “The demon’s coming for us, Ryder!
We must cast aside our petty differences and ally against him to save the realm! ”
“Don’t you dare go over there with those two idiots,” Mother called out after Talan, to no avail. “You’ll get dirt all over this clean laundry!”
I watched the chaos with a smile on my face. Farrin did too, for a time, but then I felt her looking at me instead.
“I’ve never seen you smile like that,” she said quietly.
“He makes me smile,” I replied, “and laugh, which astonishes me every time. I don’t laugh much anymore.
But when I do, it’s because of him. His wit is as sharp as mine, if not sharper.
He infuriates me. He challenges me. He’s so good with his team at Rosewarren.
He leads them effortlessly and never hesitates to encourage them.
He’s not a warrior, but that doesn’t stop him from throwing himself into battle with as much courage as any Rose.
If it wasn’t for him, I’m not sure I would have survived Gothyn.
I think I would have given up and stopped climbing that tree.
I would have let it consume me and the key too. ”
I blinked back a sudden rush of tears. “But he doesn’t let me give up, even when giving up is all I want to do. Even when it’s the only option I feel is left to me.”
Farrin squeezed my hand gently. “You love him.”
“I do.” I looked at my sister, let my tears spill over. “I love him, and it terrifies me. Look at me.” I gestured helplessly at my face. “This isn’t me.”
“But maybe it is.” Farrin wiped my cheeks with the backs of her fingers.
“Maybe you’ve just had to hide this part of yourself for so long that you don’t remember it.
Brave Mara. I’m so sorry for everything.
If I could go back to that day, I would take your place in an instant. I would insist that the Warden—”
“I’m glad you didn’t.” I swiped a hand across my face and looked away. “We all have our places in the world. Rosewarren is mine. Ivyhill is yours, and it wouldn’t have survived without you. Father wouldn’t have survived without you.”
After that, we were quiet for a long time.
All three men were now wrestling like schoolboys on the lawn, covered in mud and grass stains, but I felt as though they were very far away.
My world was only as large as my sister and me.
She nestled against me, and I held on to her, and the leaves above us rustled softly in the wind.