6. 6
Selene
Despite myself, I’m having a good time.
It’s not that I set out to be miserable, but I acknowledged early on that attending the coronation of the king of Laandia would bring about feelings of envy and possibly resentment.
It’s only natural to feel that way.
I acknowledge, accept, and plan to move on.
I think I’m moving on. At least I hope I am.
Envy and resentment aren’t my favourite emotions, and I’ve put in the work these last few months to resolve them. And it’s not just what I’ve learned as a psychologist—I’ve had sessions with a colleague to help me move through things.
Also many conversations with Courtney have helped.
She was my assistant for two years, but now she’s my best friend. I’m glad she moved to Ottawa with me.
“I can’t believe I met Duncan Laz.” Courtney rubs her hands together, still in fangirl mode.
“You also met the King of Laandia,” I point out.
“Technically, I did not, because you dragged me away before he could kiss my hand like he did yours. By the way, how did you not swoon? I mean, how often does a devastatingly handsome king kiss your hand like that? Totally fairy-tale moment.”
“I’m not looking for a fairy-tale moment.”
‘But still! You think he’s good-looking, don’t you? And Duncan?”
Duncan, yes. I’ve fallen asleep with too many novels with him on the counter not to appreciate his attractiveness. Sharp cheek bones, smoldering gaze, those full lips that beg women to imagine kissing him, and that hair. There’s no question about Duncan.
But Magnus?
“I’m not sure he’s my type,” I admit.
“Why, because he looks like a real man?” Courtney says with a sour twist of her lips. “And yes, that was a shot at Lord Darren.”
“You never liked him.”
Courtney stares at the dance floor, refusing to meet my gaze. “No, I did not. And I don’t think I hid my feelings that well either.”
I have to agree with that. Courtney was the only person I knew who didn’t think that Darren and I made the perfect couple. “No, you did not. The relationship made sense.”
That’s what everyone should look forward to in a relationship. That it makes sense.
I’ve learned a lot about my relationship in the past few months.
“For him. Not for you. You were always too good for him.”
“Because I was going to be queen,” I point out. Because that’s what Darren really wanted. Not me. To be king of Avelaine.
How did I miss his ambitions? And why doesn’t it hurt more?
I’ve been numb since Papa told me, interspersed with bouts of anger that are finally fading. But still, the pain of losing Darren never appeared and I don’t think it ever will.
“No, because you’re you,” Courtney says, squeezing my hand. “You’ll always be a queen, Selene, even if you don’t wear the crown. No more men like Darren.”
Definitely. And possibly no more men in the foreseeable future. “I agree.”
“But someone like Magnus…” She wiggles her eyebrows hopefully, and I smile with a shake of my head.
“I doubt Magnus is interested. He didn’t even remember me.”
“Temporary brain fart, because when he did—” Courtney smiles widely. “There was interest.”
“There was not,” I assure her, even though my mind flashes to the smile Magnus gave me.
“You’ve been in the Darren bubble for too long, my friend, and I’m so glad it has popped. I can tell interest from a mile away.” She pats her stomach. “A prime example of my talent.”
“You got very lucky.” I’m happy Courtney found love so quickly, but it’s difficult not to be a little envious.
Courtney smiles at me. “There’s lots of luck to go around, so it’s time to get over the Boring Baron and find someone for yourself.
And what better way to find someone than at a ball?
In a ballroom! In a castle. Now, come on.
” She tugs at my elbow. “Let’s go find you some more of that champagne so I can smell it. ”
“Smell it?”
“I certainly can’t drink it in this condition.”
She tucks her arm through mine, and we head to find me a drink.
Afterward, the evening takes a turn when, prompted by Courtney, I dance with three men, and each turns out to be more obnoxious than the next.
The first one, a cocky American without knowledge of anything that has happened in Avelaine, and who thinks he’s a sure bet to be a “king to my queen.” He is not impressed when I tell him that I’m not going to be queen, and even if I am, he would be my last choice as king.
The second, an attractive, somewhat smarmy Italian, does his best to woo me during the four-minute song and when I don’t fall into his arms like he thinks I should, heads off in pursuit of his next target and leaves me alone on the floor.
The third doesn’t warrant a description.
The next man to ask me to dance is King Magnus.
I’ve watched him take the floor, with women each more attractive than the last. For a man of his size, he’s quite graceful.
He also has some moves, as shown when he dances with a pretty brunette.
I notice that he’s rarely without a glass in his hand and suspect his being over-served helps with the smiles and the small talk. He seems quite personable. Charming, even.
I can’t help the flicker of resentment. I shouldn’t let it bother me—we have very different lives. Just because he has been crowned king and I will never be queen doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be allowed to have fun.
No one is to blame, other than a stupid caveat in the Charter.
I’ve let go of my anger toward my father. He fell in love with Lorraine, and I’m glad he’s doing what he needs to be happy.
When Magnus finds me laughing in the corner with Courtney and Lorraine, watching my father leading the Queen of England around the floor, I accept his request to dance out of obligation.
And because Courtney practically pushes me into his arms.
“It’s a lovely party,” I begin as his arm circles my waist. “You seem to be enjoying yourself.” I wish I didn’t sound so disapproving. I should be happy for the man. He’s just gotten everything he’s ever wanted.
Magnus’s wide smile dims at my comment. “Why shouldn’t I be having fun?”
“It is your coronation ball, after all. You’ve just been crowned king of Laandia. Granted, it’s a smallish country and part of Canada…”
Magnus’s expression snaps closed. “You can insult me all you want, but I’d appreciate it if you leave out Laandia, or even Canada.”
I draw back in shock. The easy charm is gone, leaving a steely coolness in its place.
“I get that you’re dealing with some resentment about your life plan being all out of whack, but I’d appreciate if you not take it out on my country,” he continues.
I’ve never had anyone speak to me like that.
“I don’t blame you for being in bad mood, especially with those dance partners I saw you with. But still… it’s my party. I’d be cool if you want to start over.”
“I think I’d rather walk away and leave you alone on the dance floor.” I retort. Not much of a comeback, but I’m still in shock.
About how he seems to be able to see right through me.
I was letting the surge of annoyance slip into anger, and it’s not fair to Magnus.
“Doesn’t matter.” Magnus shrugs. “I’ll have a new partner before you can get very far.”
He would. The women here are hungry tonight. With that crown on his head, Magnus Erickson just became the most eligible bachelor in the world.
That is not why I don’t walk away. I take a deep breath. “We could start again.”
“Great idea. No feeling sorry for ourselves.”
“You feel sorry for yourself?”
Magnus snorts. “My father just died, I broke up my band, and something attached to this crown is sticking into my head. I want to be anywhere else than at this party.”
“You don’t want to be king.” How can that be possible? Magnus Erickson has had everything given to him. He is the king of Laandia. Why isn’t he happy about that?
Magnus looks straight at me. His blue eyes are stunning. Even shadowed by lack of sleep and sadness, the shade of blue is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. How could I have thought they looked like a cold ocean? The colour is that of the night sky, just before the first star appears.
“Would you?” he counters. His shoulders seem to take up most of the ballroom, narrowing my focus to him rather than the other dancers.
The ceremonial uniform he wears is hideous, but he wears it well.
Enough about thinking of his physical appearance. “Yes,” I admit, my voice strong and steady. “I waited my entire life to become queen of Avelaine. But now that my father has abdicated, the throne has gone to a distant cousin who knows nothing about ruling.”
“Like me. I don’t know anything,” he scoffs.
“I’m sure you can learn. Julian…” I shake my head. “I’m afraid for my country. And I apologize for saying what I did about yours. That wasn’t fair. I… this isn’t as easy as I thought it would be,” I admit.
I have no idea why I say that. Being so forthcoming is unusual in my position.
Former position.
But Magnus is being honest, so I feel like I should do the same.
“I can’t imagine it would ever be easy,” he says in a voice that surprises me with its gentleness. His hand is warm on my back and leads me to a quieter part of the dance floor, his steps slowing as we talk. “Your life just got turned upside down, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
No one has ever been sympathetic to my situation. Courtney knows how I feel, and my father tries to understand, but he’s in love, and he wanted this.
I did not.
I take a deep breath, but it trembles on the way in. “It’s no matter,” I say, pushing down the emotions deep enough that they can’t be seen.
Magnus frowns. “What if I say it does matter? I am the king, now, you know.”
I laugh. I’m not sure who’s more surprised, Magnus or I. I haven’t laughed in a while. A true laugh because I actually think something is funny, and not because a humourous reaction is expected.
I like the way Magnus smiles at the sound, as though my laughter delights him. “The same thing happened to you,” I point out. “Your life got turned upside down.”
“It did. We really have no control.”
“Duty,” I say ruefully.
“Family responsibility.”
“Societal expectations.”
“History. I was never one for school, and I can’t believe that now I’m going to be in those history books. The third in the line of Laandian kings.” He grins. It’s different than his smile, more… intimate. “They’re pretty short books, mind you.”
I laugh again, which leads to another delighted smile.
It helps take away the sting that comes with the realization that I will never be part of Avelaine’s history books.
“Would you like to take a walk through the gardens?” The question surprises me. I’m enjoying myself more than I expected, and I don’t want to stop dancing.
“I’d rather keep dancing,” I tell him apologetically.
“Then we keep dancing.” His hand tightens around mine. “Why did your father step down? The real reason. I heard it was because of his new wife but…”
“A little hard to believe? It was love,” I confirm, my voice a mix of sadness, disappointment, and pride. “My mother died when I was young, and my father raised me alone. When I was old enough, I told him he needed love in his life, and he agreed.”
“Everyone needs love in their life, even fathers with devoted daughters,” Magnus agrees. The song changes, but we both stay where we are.
“But then, he fell in love with a commoner who couldn’t handle the pressure of being queen. He gave up the throne for her,” I explain.
My father is proud of this, so it’s not like I’m telling Magnus state secrets.
“I’m sorry,” Magnus says. “About your mother.”
“It was a long time ago,” I say automatically.
“It’s still never easy to lose your mother.”
Too late, I recall that his mother passed away a few years ago. “No,” I concede. “It isn’t.”
He’s quiet for a few turns. I have to admit he’s a good dancer. Strong.
He smells good.
I dance with the king of Laandia for a second song. I’m slightly embarrassed that I’m proud of this, because he hasn’t spent that much time with any other woman tonight. But we move well together, and even though I won’t admit it to anyone, I like the feel of being in his arms.
“So you want to be queen?” Magnus asks with a strange look in his eye.
“Yes.” There’s no point sugar coating it.
“Do you think you’d be good at it? Like, do you think you’d make a good queen?”
I don’t think about my reply. “I would. I’ve spent my life preparing.”
“Huh. Sounds pretty boring. Considering all the learning I’ve been doing these past months.”
“Compared to stadium tours and Olympics, I’m sure it does sound uneventful. I take it you’ve never learned the art of governing?”
“I have people for that. We have a lot in common, you and I, I think? I’m stuck doing something I didn’t really want to, and you had your dreams taken away.”
“You could say that,” I say a touch sadly.
“You know what would make it better? If we got married.”
“I… pardon?”
There is no way I heard that correctly. Or maybe it was a bad joke.
But no… Magnus keeps talking, his words tripping over each other in a rush to be heard. “You should marry me. I need a wife because all these women eyeing me like I’m a prize piece of beef is getting old. I need a queen. And you, Lady Selene, know how to be a queen.”
I can only stare at him for a long moment. He can’t be… “Are you serious?”
Magnus laughs, the sound cracking in what might be nerves. “I think I am.”
He shouldn’t be nervous because there is no way he should be serious. “You think?”
I give him credit for giving it a second thought. But— “I know. I think we’d make a good pair. Will you marry me?”
I stare into his pretty blue eyes. Did Magnus actually say that? Did the king of Laandia propose marriage to me?
A marriage would make me queen.
Queen of Laandia but… queen.
My heart gives a squeeze from what might be joy. Happiness. There’s a chance I can fulfill my duty. What I’ve always planned for.
“What do you say?” Magnus asks.
He looks pleased. Confident that he has what I want, and he does. I do want to be queen, even if it’s Laandia and not Avelaine.
But still…
That’s not all I am. That’s what Darren thought of me, what everyone does who thinks of me solely as what I can do for a country.
I’ve finally realized that. Not just tonight, but weeks ago. It’s why I haven’t grieved for my relationship with Darren, because he didn’t see me, but what I could do for him.
And that is why I don’t give Magnus’s question much time to sink in. “No.”