17. 17
Magnus
“How’s married life?” Duncan asks one day as I sign some paperwork in my office.
It’s been almost a month since the wedding, and we’ve been so caught up with the summit meetings to talk about much else.
It was a successful summit in that I don’t think I embarrassed myself. And the rest of the world was waiting for it. Thanks to Selene, and Duncan as well, I handled myself better than I expected.
Marrying Selene was a good move.
I keep my head down as I flip through the papers before adding my signature. “It’s good.”
“Good. Just good?”
When I glance up, Duncan is studying me with a serious expression. “Would you rather it be bad?”
Duncan frowns. “I think I’d rather you be happy with your wife.”
“Who says I’m not happy? I’m very happy with Selene. Look at the insights she gave us for the meeting. I never would have known half of that without her.”
“We didn’t have time for a lot of research,” Duncan says with a touch of defensiveness.
“That wasn’t a criticism. I think the three of us work well together.”
Duncan hums under his breath. I suddenly wonder if he misses singing, and if he still does it in private. I haven’t picked up my guitar in months. “What about when it’s just the two of you?” he asks.
“We work well together,” I say with my own touch of defensiveness.
“What about when you’re not at work?”
I laugh. “Are you asking for details? And is this for you or Dee, because she’s always asking about stuff like that.”
Deflecting. Selene would say I’m deflecting.
“I definitely don’t want you to kiss and tell–”
My face falls. And Duncan sees it and knows me well enough to realize why. “Should I be asking you to kiss and tell?” he asks.
“I’m not—no…” I bend over the papers again, rereading the same passage and not understanding any of it.
“How is the kissing?” Duncan presses.
“Dude! Don’t ask that!”
“Have you kissed your wife, Mag? Seriously, kissed. Like… really kissed?”
I don’t know which of us is more uncomfortable with the turn this conversation has taken.
“Of course I’ve kissed her.”
Duncan gives me the intense look he uses for book covers. I do not find it attractive. “Really.”
“You saw us kiss.”
“At the wedding… That’s it. That’s the only time? Nothing more?”
I look at him like I did the time he had a sore throat before a show and suggested Benny take over lead vocals for the night. “No,” I say in a flat voice.
“Then what’s the problem?” he bursts out. “Mag! What…? Don’t you like her?”
“Of course I like her.”
Of course I like her. I like that she’s smart and competent, and always knows the right thing to say. I like her sense of humour and how it’s slow to start, but how her laugh is contagious when she finds something really funny.
I like the way her blonde hair swings past her shoulders and how her lips form a tiny bow.
I like her so much, I find it difficult to think about anything but the ways I like her.
“Are you attracted to her?”
I roll my eyes. “Of course, I am. It’s just… I haven’t wanted to rush her.”
“Ever think that she might want to be rushed?”
That possibility has actually never crossed my mind.
I shrug. I’m not proud of my lack of… I’m not sure what to call it. My lack of physical affection between me and Selene. Lack of action, to sound like a man.
Selene is my wife. My queen. My Viking descendants wouldn’t have waited like I do. I know I have rights… but I also have respect.
I want Selene to want me, more than just for the crown on my head.
I want her to want the man as well.
I can wait for that. “I didn’t want to rush things,” I protest.
“You’ve been married for weeks! A month.”
“And I’m basically still a stranger to her.”
“Who is now her husband. You’ve known her for over six weeks. Even if you were just dating, things would have progressed farther than… this.”
“How would you know? When’s the last time you dated?”
“Tuesday night.”
“Tuesday—what? When? What Tuesday?”
“The day before Wednesday. Two days ago.”
My mouth drops. How did I not know this? “Really? Who?”
Duncan and I are close, but that doesn’t mean I poke around in his romantic life. I leave that to his sister.
“Her name is Signe. I met her in town.” He shrugs like meeting a woman is nothing. And to him it isn’t. “We’ll see what happens.”
“Well, yeah. It’s new and… Did you kiss her?”
“Do you really want to know that?”
“I really don’t… but, yeah.”
“Yes.”
“You kissed her.”
“That’s what I said.”
“How long have you known her?”
“Maybe a week.”
Ah. So I’m… I don’t know what I am, but I don’t think it’s a good thing. “I’m not you, my friend,” I tell Duncan, turning back to the window. “I’m not the one with women lined up around the block.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I point to his briefcase. “The proof for your latest cover looks pretty good. You look even better with the silver starting in your hair.”
“That doesn’t mean anything. I’m a part-time model. You’re a king.”
“I get that. But I’m not dating Selene. It’s different. And you helped arrange my marriage. Literally.”
“Maybe that’s how it started, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. I’ve seen the way Selene looks at you at dinner.”
“After a half bottle of wine,” I scoff.
An expression of amazement crosses his handsome face. “Are you scared she won’t like you like that?”
“Neither of us signed up to like each other like that.”
“That doesn’t mean it can’t happen.”
“Well, it hasn’t.”
Duncan looks at me like I’ve told him the sky is pink. “Really, Mag? You don’t know that. You don’t know how she feels because I think… from the sounds of it… King Magnus of Laandia is afraid of telling his wife that he likes her. In that way.”
I bend over the paperwork on my desk. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“It doesn’t have to be that different. You want a real marriage with her, don’t you?”
I don’t look at him, because then he’ll know that’s what I want. What I really want. “Hopefully.”
My feelings for Selene are new and uncertain. I like her as a person, and I find her undeniably attractive, but…
It’s more than that. It’s so much more, but I don’t exactly understand it.
And I definitely don’t know if she feels the same way. If she ever could.
Because what if she can’t? What if this marriage means something different for Selene? What if she might not ever want to close the gap between us in bed?
I hate the gap between us in bed, and I’m too mortified about my inability to do anything about it.
Because I’m scared.
There, I said it. But not to Duncan. There’s only so much that you can tell your best friend.
“Maybe it’s time…” Duncan makes a little pushing motion with his hands. “Get moving with things.”
“What, you think I should just lay one on her? Out of nowhere?”
“I don’t know how you do things, but it might be a start.”
I push back my chair with a huff. “I know. I know. But I thought I should try to make it special,” I admit. “Do like a grand gesture like in one of those books that have your pretty picture on the front.”
“Have you ever read one of those books?”
“No. Should I?”
“If it’s taken weeks to kiss your wife, then yes, you should.”
“Ha.” I scribble my name on another paper. “You really think she’ll… you know? Be interested?” I don’t look up because I don’t want to see the expression on Duncan’s face. If he’s not telling me the truth…?
“I’ve seen how she looks at you.”
I glance up hopefully. “Is that a good thing?”
“It is.”
And my heart gives a leap, like I’ve jumped off the top of the castle and can suddenly fly.
Duncan grins because he sees it. “And I’ve seen how you look at her, Mag, so start planning this grand gesture.”
She looks at me. I don’t know how exactly, but it’s a good thing. Looking at me is a good thing.
And it’s not like I haven’t thought of it. Of leaning over to kiss her goodnight. Or surprising her at the breakfast table. Or… anytime.
I think about kissing Selene more than I think about anything. Is that normal for a husband?
Maybe for a husband who has never actually kissed his wife.
“Maybe after we get back from England…” I muse, thinking about what kind of grand gesture I could make toward my wife.