One
FEbrUARY
Laissez les bons temps rouler!
Somehow Tuck and I had driven right into the beginning of Mardi Gras season. We’d been in the car for more than ten hours since leaving Eastbrook and making our way to the Risen Star Stakes held at Fair Grounds Race Course in New Orleans. We planned on attending the race to check out Dream’s competition.
I couldn’t quite express what it felt like seeing purple, green, and yellow beads hanging from the branches of the trees. Surely that was just something from the movies, right? Had parade participants thrown them up there on purpose, or was it a bead toss gone wrong?
“Can you believe this?” I asked.
“The sights or something else?”
“That we made it on the Derby trail.”
Dream had done well in the early prep races, and now he’d be participating in the championship series, consisting of sixteen races that would lead to twenty horses on the field of Churchill Downs to run the Kentucky Derby.
“You mean when you asked me to train Dream, you didn’t actually think you’d make it on the Derby trail?” Tuck smiled at me from the driver’s seat.
My breath hitched at those perfectly curved lips and baby-blue eyes. Why did my best friend always have to make me feel like I was in need of a fainting couch?
I swallowed. Focus on his words. “I’d hoped. But now that we’re here...” I shook my head. “Seriously, Tuck, how did we get here?”
Risen Star was the first race on the Derby trail, but we’d chosen to instead participate in the Battaglia Stakes at Turfway Park in two weeks. Each race awarded a certain number of points for the first through fifth winners. The twenty horses with the most points were eligible for the Derby.
“Hard work.”
Hishard work. Sure, I’d picked the horse, but I hadn’t been the one spending hours and days and weeks training the colt. Tuck had. Though I did give my opinion here and there.
“I can’t begin to thank you enough.” My fingers itched to squeeze Tuck’s hand like I’d done numerous times. But I needed to get my heart rate back to normal and push those affectionate feelings aside before I could touch him platonically.
“No thanks necessary, Pipsqueak.”
Well, there went those loving feelings.
Since Tuck and I had started working together, our friendship had taken a strange path. We’d gone from sharing everything with each other to Tuck putting up an invisible brick wall between us. He treated me more formally, like he’d once treated my dad, his old boss. Yet every now and again, the wall lowered, and he’d choose to call me by my childhood nickname. I couldn’t remember how often he called me Pipsqueak prior to training my Thoroughbred, but now I heard the unflattering nickname way too often.
More than once I’d considered confessing my feelings to Tuck, but the longer I remained mute, the longer it seemed taboo to me. Tuck would most likely reject me with all the love and kindness that existed in him, but that goodness wouldn’t lessen the blow. No matter how he cushioned his words, telling me I would simply remain his best friend would shatter my heart.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t sure his returning my affections would be the best thing either. We’d never been anything but Tucker and Piper, the two kids seen running across my folks’ estate, playing hide-and-seek or, once we got older, racing our horses. We were always together, and people naturally assumed that meant we were like brother and sister.
Only there wasn’t a single ounce of sisterly affection for Tucker Hale in me. I stuck my hand out the window and let the warmth from the sun soothe me. It had been a lot colder in Kentucky when we’d left my farm.
I’d bought the property last July, throwing my folks for a loop. I could still remember the shocked look on my mother’s face when I enlightened her regarding my plans.
“Piper, honey, we didn’t even get to look at the place. What if they upped the price because you’re a McKinney? How could you make this step without our guidance?”
Dad had winked at me. “Now, Jackie, we raised Piper to be smart. I’m sure she handled it beautifully.”
I sighed as the memory faded.
“You’re thinking awfully loud over there. Thinking ’bout your folks?”
“Yeah,” I murmured.
Tuck sighed. “They show their love the only way they know how.”
Which begged the question, How did I need to be loved? Was it ungrateful for me to want them to let me stumble a bit? As soon as they’d learned of my plans, they’d tried to step in and help. They’d offered to find a jockey to race Dream and even tried to pay for my farm. I’d had to beg them to let me be independent and trust I could handle the responsibility.
“I might be smothered by the end of the season.”
Tuck laughed. “Jackie McKinney is a fashion icon in the Derby world. Surely her picking out outfits isn’t all that bad.”
I just stared at him while he tried to dial down his laughter.
“Okay, the last outfit made you look like a Stepford wife.”
“It’s not me.” I shuddered thinking of the pale pink tweed skirt suit Mama suggested I wear at our last race.
“Keep gently reminding her of that, and she’ll eventually get it.”
I rolled my eyes. Maybe I needed to have a conversation with Dad. He was great at playing mediator when I thought Mama’s guidance a little overbearing. I tried so hard not to show her how upset her suggestions made me.
“Don’t slouch. People will wonder why you can’t walk with confidence.”
“Don’t wear those colors. They’re not good with your complexion.”
“Always use the manners we raised you with. We don’t want others to complain.”
She was so focused on what other people thought. And I got it. I was, too, but I saved myself a little breathing room. Of course, I couldn’t be mad at her, because she adopted me. Wasn’t it ungrateful to be mad at a parent who’d done more for you than your biological parents had?
My bio parents had dropped me off at an orphanage in ?l?r? Ilé—an island country in the Gulf of Guinea—and left me without a backward glance. Believe me, I know. I had that one childhood memory of their departure to torture me. Their retreating backs and my wails were all I could recall of them. On the other hand, my adoptive parents had continuously poured their love and monetary blessings on me. I’d never wanted for anything ... except a little more autonomy.
As the parent of an only child, a little breathing room wasn’t something Mama knew how to give. She loved fiercely and with a side of a little-overbearing presence. She’d been unable to have biological children, and Dad said after the two long years of waiting for my adoption to finalize and for me to actually arrive in the States, it was too much turmoil to go through again. So I became an only child to wealthy parents who were royalty in the Kentucky Derby scene. Their horses had sired past Derby winners, and they enjoyed selling the foals to the highest bidder in hopes that history would repeat itself.
“I don’t know when, but I have no doubt your mom will learn how to parent an adult and give you some space.” Tuck’s voice broke my silence.
“I hope you’re right.” Because I didn’t look forward to another ten years of feeling like a child past the age of eighteen.
Tuck slowed the truck to idle in front of our hotel.
I looked up at the white building with a black awning over the front entrance. “These buildings are gorgeous.”
“And right downtown where you wanted to be.”
“That’s because I was thinking of my stomach.” I grinned. “I’ve been dreaming about gumbo and beignets ever since I’ve known we were coming.”
Tuck laughed. “Are we going to try to catch a Mardi Gras parade or two as well?”
I shrugged. I was there to scope out the competition, and I hadn’t really made any plan other than that. Knowing Tuck, he’d taken care of that for the both of us.
“What’s your plan?” I asked him.
“I’ll share with you. Don’t worry.”
“Okay.”
After we found the guest parking lot, skipping valet service, I followed Tuck up the hotel steps. He handed our baggage to a bellboy, and then we went inside to check in. My eyes took in the swanky details of the place, and I recalled the first time I traveled with my parents. They always stayed in five-star hotels for the best accommodations. I had to admit, the hotel snobbery bug caught me. Only now it was my money paying for my room as well as Tuck’s.
“We going to eat right away?” I asked.
“Definitely. I don’t want you getting hangry.”
I loved that crooked grin on his face. What would he do if I let my wobbly knees tip myself right against him where lips could meet? I turned away, feeling heat in every pore on my face.
The memory of our first meeting came to the surface.
“You the new kid?”
I’d tilted my head back, the sun silhouetting a kid’s frame. Someone sat down next to me, and a young boy’s face came into focus, showing blond hair and blue eyes. The complete opposite to my black eyes and short black hair. His skin was pale where mine was dark.
“Yes,” I said, English feeling foreign on my tongue.
He stuck out his hand. “I’m Tuck. My dad’s the horse trainer.”
“Piper.”We shook hands, and something clicked right into place.
I hadn’t realized it then, but Tucker Hale had stolen my heart before I even knew what love was. From that day forward, I followed him around Bolt Brook on a daily basis. Tuck taught me how to skip rocks at the water hole. He was right next to me when I rode my first horse. He was there to wipe my tears when I fell off and to cheer me on when I got back up.
I hooked a thumb over my shoulder. “I’m gonna go shower and change, then.”
“Sure thing.”
Good grief.Attending races together now proved to be a lot more difficult than when we worked for my parents. I thought removing my family from the equation would make work easier, but it had only added a weird tension.
After checking out my room, I grabbed a fresh set of clothes and toiletries from my suitcase. I wanted to look my best for Tuck just in case he ever decided to open his eyes and see that we could be more.
At least, I think that was what I wanted. My mind was so conflicted. The risk of losing him as a friend or being rejected because of my ethnicity was too much. Mentally, I knew Tuck had never given me reason to believe my race was an issue. But when you spent the majority of your life being the only Black person in nondiverse spaces, you couldn’t help but believe people were just keeping their racial judgments quiet.
I didn’t want to believe that’s what Tuck did, and for the most part, I could assure myself he wasn’t like that. But then a little voice would whisper in my ear, and doubt would ensue.
Most of the time, I could be myself around Tuck without race entering my mind. Fortunately, he seemed to accept all of me. After all, this was the same guy who watched rom-coms with me because I liked them, not because he would choose that genre.
So how could I risk the one friendship I could never bear to lose?
I couldn’t.
Wouldn’t.
Right?
I shook my head and turned on the shower. Surely those troubles would be waiting for me another time, another day. I wouldn’t give them any more headspace ... for now.