Chapter 18
Kerry
This sweet woman has no idea she’s making me hard, even as we sit at this table. Hearing her say she respects me? That she doesn’t want to provoke me? She’s like a drug, and I’m addicted.
She makes putting up with her bleedin’ grandfather worth it. She has no idea what she does to me. I can tell she’s a little scared of me, even if she doesn’t want to admit it. It makes my heart race in a way I can’t explain.
I had to let the conversation drop for a bit after she told me she respected me. My blood is getting too hot and I need to be able to control myself. This isn’t the time to get a stiff, not when I know my little leannán isn’t ready for me. I’ll scare her off if I’m not careful.
Amy is chewing on her lip when the waitress brings us the bill. I barely glance it over before telling her to charge it to my room. “Are you ready?” I stand up, and Amy nods.
She hasn’t looked at me once since our food arrived, and it seems she’s not planning on changing that now that we’re leaving. I can see the lost look in her eyes, her mind racing. It’s something she does a lot. My goal is to help ease her mind, but I’m not sure how to do that at the moment.
A muscle in my jaw twitches. I’m a man of action, and not knowing what action will fix the problem makes me restless. “Would you like to know what we’re doing today?” I try to keep my voice soft and gentle to see how she responds.
She turns and looks at me, her brown eyes a little wide. “Yeah, sure. I wasn’t sure if you would be willing to tell me or not, so I didn’t ask.”
I lean a tad closer to her as we walk through the lobby of the hotel. “And why wouldn’t I be willing to tell you, leannán?”
She shrugs. “Because it’s a surprise? Or it’s just a hassle to tell me? I don’t know.” I clench my jaw. She’s clearly used to such treatment.
“Well, a surprise, maybe. But I feel that’s not the kindest thing to do to you after the week you’ve had.
Proper communication should never be a bother.
Why shouldn’t you be informed about everything that’s going on, just like anyone else?
” Her mouth falls open slightly in surprise, and my attention is drawn to her beautiful lips. “We’re going shopping.”
She nods, an expression of thoughtfulness on her face.
She doesn’t seem all that excited about shopping, and I’m surprised that I find myself disappointed that my idea isn’t as thrilling to her as I’d hope it would be.
“You keep calling me that word. What does it mean?” There’s a flicker of nervousness in her eyes as she asks.
She turns her face away from me. Why is she scared of asking what the nickname means?
“Well…it is a term of endearment in Irish.”
We exit the front doors of the hotel, and there’s already a car waiting for us, just as I planned.
Another car just behind it, with Liam and Jack in it, following us.
Protection without scaring Amy. I’d prefer they’d be in the car with us to ensure we couldn’t be separated, but Amy’s comfort is paramount at the moment.
I raise the partition to separate us and the driver. I watch Amy put her seatbelt on with a chuckle. “Cars practically crawl with the traffic in the city. Do you really think it’s necessary to wear a seatbelt?”
Amy frowns, flattening her lips as her brows furrow. The expression only makes my amusement grow. “It’s not safe. There’s a reason it’s against the law.”
I chuckle. Is she really arguing with the leader of the Irish mafia on breaking the law? Over a seatbelt? Adorable. “Most things are illegal for a reason, leannán. But that doesn’t mean that, in certain situations, they lose that reason. Or that the reason isn’t worth overlooking.”
Amy purses her lips together and looks out the window, seeing the many buildings of the city crawl by. “So…what does the term of endearment mean?”
I can’t help but smirk a bit. She clearly didn’t want to talk about the flexibility of laws with a man who makes his money off of underhanded criminal dealings, including murder. I can’t say I blame her. It’d probably be a fruitless discussion.
But her focus on the nickname is interesting, even as I wish she’d stop poking at it.
Most of my behavior could be explained away as gentlemanly, or trying to upset her grandfather, but calling her my leannán…
? It reveals too much of the depths of my obsession, too close for comfort.
“It just means ‘dear’, or the equivalent of that.”
Not exactly false, but it certainly minimizes the depths of it. You could call a child dear in English, or the waitress. But you wouldn’t call a stranger or a child your leannán.
She nods, although it’s clear she’s still thinking it over. But at least she seems to be satisfied with that answer for now. Which is good. I need her to be.
I take in a deep breath. The word leannán means more than just ‘dear’. Really, it’s true translation is more akin to darling or lover. But there’s another aspect to it, one that’s personal to me, from my younger years. If revealed, it’d make it clear how deep my adoration for Amy goes.
Thinking of my childhood reminds me of home. “Do you like the city, Amy?” I’m not sure where the question comes from, but it tumbles out of me with a desperate need to know. What were her plans for the future before I came along? Would she like Dublin? Would she like a life with me?
She shrugs without looking at me, her gaze still focused on the world outside the car window. “This city or just cities in general?”
“Both, I suppose.” I clear my throat, trying to erase any trace of desperation from my voice.
She takes a deep breath before exhaling it slowly.
“This is my first time in New York City. As you can imagine, the current feelings attached to it aren’t pleasant.
I..honestly haven’t been to many cities in general.
My parents raised me in the suburbs and we never really left. Not to the city, not to the country.”
“Hm.” My mind races to understand her, to predict what she’ll think for the future I’ve planned for us. “I see. Would you want to see more? Or are you content with your suburbs?”
“I want to see more,” she says quietly, as if it’s a confession of sin, as if it’s forbidden to want that.
I chuckle softly, admiring her side profile from where she’s peering out the window. “Then you shall see more, leannán.”
I see her look at me out of the corner of her eye, but she doesn’t say anything before she turns back to the window.
As we step out of the car, Liam and Jack are getting out of their vehicle at the same time.
I notice Amy glancing their way, taking note of them.
I place my hand on the small of her back, noticing her stiffen and inhale sharply at the contact.
It takes everything within me not to grin.
“Fifth avenue. Quite the famous place, is it not?”
Amy looks around at all the luxury and designer stores. “Yep. That’s what they tell me.”
I arch a brow at her nonchalant attitude. She always finds a way to surprise me. “Aren’t you excited?”
She arches a brow at me. “Excited? I don’t know what we’re doing here, so it’s hard to be excited for something I’m ignorant of.”
I can’t help but flash her a grin. “You haven’t figured it out yet, then? I told you we’re going shopping.”
She presses her lips into a thin line. All right, so she doesn’t like being reminded that she doesn’t know things.
Considering the little I read on autism, it makes sense.
Feeling lost, especially in social situations, is a normal but frustrating occurrence for people with autism.
It’s probably not a good idea to rub her ignorance in her face, even if it isn’t a social cue she’s missing.
“No. I can’t say I’ve figured it out yet. ”
I take in a deep breath. “My apologies. I didn’t mean to imply you should know. I’m just…excited about this.”
She raises her brows in interest. “Oh?”
“Yes. But first, please let me introduce two of my friends, and co-workers. They’re here to help ensure our safety and that we have a great time together today.” Jack and Liam see me gesture to them, so they approach us. “Amy, meet Jack and Liam.”
Liam steps up first. His roguishly charming grin makes a spark of jealousy crawl up my spine for no good reason.
I know I have nothing to fear, but there’s still a part of me that just wants to keep her for myself and never let another man lay eyes on her.
“Hi there, missy. Nice to meet you, I’m Liam, that’s Jack.
We’ve heard a lot about you. Don’t worry, you’re right safe with us. Consider us your new big brothers.”
Amy’s eyes widen but then she smiles. It’s so pretty, I can’t help but wish it was directed towards me. “Nice to meet you both. Brothers, you say?”
Jack speaks up this time with a nod. “That’s right, brothers. You see, Kerry is the closest thing we have to a brother. We’ve been friends for most of our lives now. We’re brothers by honor, not blood. And you’re going to be married to him, which means we’re your family now, too.”
Amy’s eyes look over at Jack as he speaks, and her smile widens a bit, sparking a bit more jealousy in me, which I tamper down. “How nice of you. Thank you.”
Both men nod at her, continuing to smile, before turning to me. While I’m feeling a bit green with envy, their kind words soothe the beast inside, especially since I know they mean it.
I clear my throat to get Amy’s attention back on me. “Now, Amy, I want you to look around and pick a store. Any store.”
She furrows her brow but looks around. I see her chewing on the inside of her cheek, her nervous habit. “Um. Can I have more context to help me pick? I’m really not familiar with a lot of these stores, and I need more of a frame of reference to decide.”
“Well, we’re going to have fun today. So what stores do you think that you’ll have fun at?
” I slide my hand around her shoulders. A car honks right down the street, and she jerks her head in that direction before looking back to the stores.
I suddenly realize how loud the street is, with all the cars and people talking.
The city is abuzz with life, and with life comes noise.
“Perhaps we should just find a quiet place to decide first, hm?”
Amy eagerly nods. I look around, seeing a small area with a statue and trees surrounding it.
It’s still going to be loud, but at least we’d be a bit out of the way so she could take a moment to think.
I move my hand to the small of her back as we walk over, finding a bench in the shade of a tree for her to sit on.
I grab my phone and pull up a list of shops on fifth avenue.
Amy’s eyes are darting around. She winces as a siren screams out on the street, as an ambulance zips by.
Noise really bothers her, that’s for certain. Her leg bounces with anxiety, and my mind races for solutions. I lean over to Liam and hand him some American cash. “Go to the Apple store and buy some of those bluetooth earphones, the one that can block out sound well. Hurry back.”
Liam nods and disappears down the street. Thankfully, the Apple store isn’t far, so hopefully it won’t take him long. When I look back to Amy, she’s frowning at me. I tilt my head as I step closer. “Here’s the names of the shops you can choose from.” I hand her my phone.
She takes it, but doesn’t stop frowning at me. “Where’s Liam going?”
I hadn’t been quiet about my instructions to Liam, so I’m surprised she didn’t hear it.
She’s probably worried about danger, especially with the week she’s been through, so I rush to dissuade her fears.
“Nothing’s the matter, leannán. He just went to pick something up for me at a store. He’ll be right back.”
“He’s picking up noise-canceling headphones from the Apple Store.” She repeats back to me, obviously having heard me like I assumed she would.
I arch my brow. If she heard, why is she still frowning? “Yes. That’s right.”
She purses her lips. “Are they for you?”
I pause. “Well, no. They’re for you, if you need them.”
She sucks in a breath, looking like she expected that answer and is upset about it, although I don’t understand why. “I don’t need the headphones.”
Her tone is firm, with no room for argument. I’ve never heard her be so forceful before. And the slight edge in her tone is something I’ve only heard once, on the recording of her phone call between her and her friend.
My little leannán is angry with me, and I don’t understand why.