Chapter Eleven #3
Ah, but what was she to do about him once she was back home? Would he come around to see her? He gave the impression that he would. But she had been fooled by impressions before, fooled by a deceitful husband long ago.
Did Solway truly care for her?
She shook off her troubled thoughts and began to make a list in her head of all she had to do upon returning home.
First on her list was to catch up on all the correspondence she had missed for the month away.
There would be dozens of invitations for her and Gwenys to sort through now that Gwenys was making her come-out.
Perhaps she would ask Solway to escort them to the first few events, and not only because she wanted to see him again.
He’d been so protective of her and Gwenys on their journey.
In a way, he had taken on the role of father to her niece, watching out for her as her real father ought to have done but never bothered to.
He would be helping her out as well, for she had spent most of the last fifteen years keeping busy with her societies and charity work but often avoiding ton balls and other affairs where she might run into Gwenys’s stepmother or Lady Trowbridge.
But with Gwenys now making her debut, she would have to be out in Society and attend all the important balls no matter who was in attendance.
Circulating among so many who had ignored and ridiculed her all those years ago would be much easier with this handsome duke and his protective instincts by her side.
They reached Oxford late on the last night of their travels.
As much as she looked forward to arriving home, Miranda also felt a profound sense of loss. Ever since meeting Solway, she had been with him from the moment she awoke to the moment she retired to bed and had grown quite used to having him around. She was going to miss him terribly.
But was this not her fault entirely? He had asked her to marry him. She wanted so badly to accept his proposal but had not yet overcome this fear that made her physically ill because she dreaded making another terrible mistake.
“In time, Miranda,” she mumbled. “In time.”
Would he give her that time? Or would he give up on her and court a younger, prettier lady to take as his wife?
She found a moment to catch him before he retired to his quarters at the charming country inn on the outskirts of Oxford, the bustling city where they were now lodged. “Solway, may I have a word with you?”
“It’s Bram to ye,” he replied. “Why are ye so reluctant to call me by my given name?”
“I’m not. It’s just that…” She sighed. “Bram, may I please have a moment?”
“Aye. Ye may have all the time ye wish of me.” He invited her to step into his quarters.
She glanced around, saw no one about the hallway, and scurried in. “I cannot stay long. Gwenys is washing up in preparation for bed, and she’ll worry if I am not back soon.”
“I’ll no’ keep ye, then.” He offered her a seat on the sofa of his suite’s small parlor.
“We are only here for one night,” she remarked, looking around this spacious suite that was the size of a small apartment and quite elegantly appointed. “You are not an ostentatious man, yet you always request the largest and best accommodations.”
“Aye, because I am a big man and dinna like to be cramped when I travel. What else does a bachelor like myself have to spend on? I do a lot of traveling, unfortunately. Might as well be as comfortable as can be.”
She smiled. “Gwenys and I like the cozier rooms. She likes to cuddle against me. She’s a restless sleeper and usually tosses this way and that, sometimes almost pushing me out of bed.
But I never let on. She rolls back to her side once she is deeply asleep and then doesn’t move a muscle. In truth, I like having her beside me.”
“She’s very attached to ye.”
“As I am to her.” Miranda nodded. “Bram, we’ll be attending balls and routs and musicales these next few months, and I am worried.”
He sank onto the sofa beside her and placed an arm across the seat back as he relaxed. “About what?”
“We are going to run into the odious Lawsons and Lady Trowbridge at these affairs. I was hoping you might escort us to the first few that we attend. I would not impose on you for the entire length of the Season. But it would be nice for Gwenys to have a protector with us, just until she gains confidence enough to stand on her own. Of course, I will always be close by her side.” She glanced at her hands, which she had clasped and rested on her lap.
“But we both know I am rather inept at protecting her.”
“Ye’re very good at it. What ye have never learned is how to protect yer own gentle heart.” He leaned toward her. “I’ll help ye, Miranda. I would never let anyone hurt ye or Gwenys. But I do have one condition.”
“And what is that?”
“I’ll need to have a say in which invitations to accept. My schedule will be busy while in London, most of my time devoted to government affairs.”
“Oh, yes. Of course.”
He took her hands into his big, warm palms. “But I’m glad to help ye out. Ye know I wish to see ye again. Ye know I wish for much more.”
She nodded. “I know.”
He sighed and released her. “And ye, Miranda—do ye wish for something more than a convenient escort?”
She pinched her lips and her hands began to tremble because she wanted so much to admit how deeply she cared for him.
But to take the leap and marry him?
This cursed fear still overwhelmed her. Would he continue to hold her in admiration once the beautiful ton diamonds began to flutter around him?
“Let’s see how we do once we reach London and fall into our routines,” she replied with an indulgent smile that felt as false to her as it must have appeared to him.
He rose and escorted her back to the guest room she shared with Gwenys. “Och, when are ye going to trust me?”
“I do trust you. Oh, Bram…” She was going to cry again if they continued this conversation.
He sighed. “Dinna give me tears. I’m no’ going to leave ye. Nor will I ever disrespect ye. I want ye by my side. Do ye no’ see how good we are around each other?”
She blushed. “I do see it. I do want this, but I had this same feeling before.”
“When ye were an innocent lass of eighteen and easily tricked,” he muttered.
“May I add that yer husband had to be the biggest horse’s arse in existence to ever choose Lady Trowbridge over ye?
Seriously, he must have been kicked in the head by a donkey when he was a lad, because that woman is poison and no man in his right mind would ever choose her, even on pain of death. ”
She laughed. He made her feel so good. It always felt so easy to be around him. “Bram…”
“Aye, love?”
She took a deep breath. She wanted to tell him that she loved him. But the words would not come out yet.
“Pleasant dreams, and thank you for helping me out with Gwenys.”
She hurried back to her room, unable to bear the disappointment in his eyes.
Why could she not get over this hurdle and choose happiness?
But that was the problem. Did she dare trust this happiness would last?