Chapter Fifty-Four
Flora hadn’t seen Brodie since the day of the rescue. She had texted him that night to let him know she was glad he was okay. I was so worried. I’m glad everyone is okay. And you. Shall I come over? Xx
But his reply was brief and perfunctory. Thanks but I’m fine. x
And he hadn’t called her.
She’d been frantic with worry when he was called out that day of the storm and grateful that her gran had been with her.
But she’d needed to see for herself that he was okay.
Now she wondered if she had done something wrong by waiting for him at the beach.
She wondered how people managed. She knew there were husbands and wives and partners and parents and kids of rescue volunteers all over the country and she now understood how much worry they carried on their shoulders every time the pagers went off in an emergency.
The not knowing and the waiting had been excruciating.
But she was so proud and in awe of what he and the crew had done that day.
Brodie had seemed glad to see her. He had kissed her.
That kiss that had left her breathless and in no doubt of what she meant to him. And yet . . .
Every time her phone buzzed, she snatched it up in case it was a message from him.
But there was nothing other than short replies to her own messages, so similar in tone to his first: I’m fine.
Just floored. I need to rest. Each time Flora stared at his words, unsure of how to reply, especially when something felt off.
He had distanced himself from her and she had no idea how to fix it.
She was due to go to Aberdeen later that day for her interview the following morning.
She had debated over whether to withdraw her application, but knew she needed to go, especially when there was nothing else in the pipeline; all her other applications had been rejected.
She had been working on her interview presentation alongside preparing for the makers market at the end of the month.
It wasn’t as though she didn’t have enough to occupy her mind, it was just that thoughts of Brodie dominated it.
She couldn’t force him to see her. Yet she couldn’t go to Aberdeen having not seen him.
‘I’m just going to drop some groceries off at Brodie’s,’ she told her gran.
‘That’s a nice idea, pet. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.’ She paused. ‘It sounds like he’s maybe picked up a nasty bug and that’s why he’s been laying low. It’s unlike him to miss work.’
Flora knew her gran was being diplomatic, especially as he hadn’t been back yet to finish off the gazebo, and all she could do was shrug. She packed a bag with some soup, oranges and cold meat. Then she stopped off at the bakery on the way.
‘Hi, Flora.’ Jessica greeted her with a huge grin. ‘How are you? I was just thinking that we need to arrange another wee get-together.’
Flora managed to muster a smile but it took a huge effort. ‘I’m okay, thanks. I just wanted to drop some stuff off to Brodie. He seems to have been hit by a nasty bug.’
Jessica frowned. ‘Of course. I heard he was out on that rescue the other day.’
Flora nodded.
‘Sounded grim. Though at least everyone was safe. It must take it out of the rescue crew though . . . Anyway, look, what can I get you?’
‘A small loaf of sourdough.’
‘Coming right up,’ said Jessica, bagging it up. ‘I hope he feels better soon.’
‘How much do I owe you?’
She waved a hand dismissively. ‘It’s a gift,’ she said, throwing in a cookie. ‘Just tell him we all hope he’s better soon.’
‘If you’re sure.’
‘Of course.’
‘Thanks, Jessica. Oh, and I’ll be in touch about that drink sometime. I’m away for a few days but will give you a shout when I’m back.’ She was grateful that Jessica didn’t pry for any more details but rather gave her a kind smile and nod.
After climbing the steps to Brodie’s flat, Flora paused at his door, wondering if this was actually a good idea.
But then she started to knock. There was no answer so she put the bag down on the doormat, just as Brodie finally opened it.
He looked awful. His face was pale and his eyes bloodshot.
‘Flora.’ He was clearly surprised to see her.
‘I just wanted to drop some stuff off.’ She hesitated. ‘I felt so bad thinking of you here on your own and feeling poorly.’
He paused warily for a moment or two. ‘Come in.’ His voice was gruff as he opened the door for her.
He gestured to the sofa and she perched on the edge, feeling uncomfortable and awkward. Brodie sat on a chair opposite and rubbed his hand over the few days’ old stubble on his jaw.
‘You didn’t need to do that,’ he said. ‘Thank you, though.’
‘That’s okay. I wanted to.’ She crossed her arms, feeling out of sorts and now not sure that coming here was the right thing to do. She knew he was feeling rubbish but he wasn’t giving off the most welcoming vibes. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘A bit better thanks. I guess the rescue wiped me out. I had a terrible migraine and I must have had a cold brewing anyway.’
There was an awkward silence and Flora desperately racked her brains for something to say. What had happened to the easy banter and rhythm? They had slept together in this flat just a few nights ago for God’s sake. She wished she could pinpoint what had happened and what had gone wrong.
Then Brodie broke the silence. ‘Look, it’s probably better that we slow things down a bit .
. . I’m not sure I’m in the right space for this at the moment.
’ He lowered his gaze to the floor for a moment then looked back at her.
‘I saw how worried you were with that rescue, Flora, and I hate being the reason for you feeling like that. But I can’t walk away from it.
Being part of the team is so important to me especially because of Rory .
. . and you are important to me, too. But I hate hurting you and causing you worry. You deserve better than that.’
Flora felt as though she had been punched in the gut. ‘So that’s it?’ she whispered, her voice trembling. ‘You’re walking away from this, from us, because you’re worried about me? Because you think I deserve better?’
Brodie’s jaw tightened. ‘You do deserve better, Flora.’
‘That’s not your choice to make.’ Her eyes glistened and she blinked hard, willing her voice not to break. ‘You keep saving everyone else, Brodie. When will you let someone get close? Let them save you?’
Neither of them spoke for a moment until Flora finally broke the silence. ‘You don’t trust me enough to be there for you.’
‘It’s not that.’ His voice caught as he struggled to say composed.
‘Then what?’
He exhaled, staring at the ground. ‘I trust you too much, Flora. And that’s what scares me.’
Flora wasn’t sure what she could say, to change his mind. ‘Isn’t that enough though — to make you want to take a chance with me? With us?’
He didn’t reply and Flora certainly wasn’t going to beg him to reconsider.
She stood up, her legs shaking in shock.
How could this be happening? They’d become so close and had such a strong connection.
Or so she thought. She looked at her watch.
‘I need to be on my way. I’m going away for a few days.
’ She didn’t elaborate and he didn’t say anything or ask where she was going. ‘Bye, Brodie.’
‘Thanks for dropping that stuff off,’ he murmured. ‘I appreciate it, Flora. And . . . I’m sorry.’
She nodded and without another word, turned and walked away, hearing him close the door gently behind her.