16. Amos
AMOS
I smile at the receptionist as I lean on the wide reception desk. "I'm here to see Alana Johnson."
She eyes me like I'm a giant cookie and picks up the receiver. Her eyes linger on my muscles, and there's a small, knowing smile.
"Alana," she says into the phone. "There's a man here to see you."
She draws out the word man . I straighten up and walk to the window. The last thing I want is the receptionist flirting with me.
While I wait for Alana, I pace the room. She left in a hurry yesterday, and she didn't return my text. Okay, texts. I might have texted her more than once. But damn, yesterday was incredible.
She finally opened up a little, and I loved watching her let down her guard and take something she wants. The memory of Alana coming undone on my palm stuck with me all night. I relieved my own ache in the shower, reliving the moment and wishing she was there with me.
I've never felt this attracted to a woman before. But the way she left all in a rush has me concerned.
I get it. I'm about to become a caregiver for a child, and she doesn't want to get involved. But I've learned life can be short. If there's something you want, you should go after it.
I look up as Alana comes into the reception area.
She's looking sharp in black slacks and a crisp white blouse.
This one has all the buttons, I note, remembering the one that pinged off as I pulled her top open.
A surge of heat races to my groin, and my dick twitches to life.
I turn away from the receptionist so she doesn't see something she shouldn't and think it's for her.
Alana fixes me with a wary gaze. "Hi, Amos."
"I've come to take you out to lunch."
Her eyes flick to the receptionist, who's blatantly staring at us, then back to me. "Is there something you need to discuss?"
I get the hint. She can't be seen dating me in front of her colleagues.
"Yes," I say. "I have some questions before I pick up Sam this afternoon."
She nods. "I've got my own sandwiches. I'm about to take my lunch break. You can walk with me."
I'd prefer to take her to a cafe nearby for lunch, but I'll take any scraps I can get. I wait while she grabs her coat and a brown bag of sandwiches.
There's a park across the road, and we follow a path until we reach a picnic bench. I take a seat, and she sits opposite me, but she doesn't pull out her sandwiches.
A gust of wind whips her hair, and a strand escapes her ponytail, dancing across her cheek. On instinct, I reach out, take it between my fingers, and tuck it behind her ear.
"I'm sorry I left the way I did yesterday," she says. "It was unfair."
A frown crosses her brow. I want to smooth it away with my thumb.
"It's okay to put yourself first sometimes, you know."
The frown deepens, and she shakes her head. "There's something I didn't tell you."
I stiffen at the words. If she's hiding a boyfriend somewhere, I'll have to hunt him down for not giving her what she needs.
Alana huffs out a long breath. "I've got a foster child with me at the moment. She's been with me a long time, and yesterday I forgot to pick her up from a playdate."
She presses her palms against the table, and her frown deepens. She's beating herself up about one missed pick up.
"Okay. I get it. Next time, we set an alarm. Make sure you don't get carried away."
The smile tugs at her lips, but it doesn't meet her eyes.
"There won't be a next time, Amos. I'm sorry. What we did... it was a mistake."
The words hit like a punch to the gut, and I sit back on the bench. "How can something that felt so right be a mistake, Alana?"
"I know you don't understand, Amos. It's not just that I'm looking after Kyra on my own. I've applied for adoption."
I fold my arms across my chest, waiting for her to go on.
"That little girl has no one else in the world.
The process can be lengthy. It has to go before the adoption board.
It helps that I'm cleared as a foster caregiver, but adoption is something else.
And it's even harder as a single parent, especially when the job I'm doing is far from high income.
I've got to be squeaky clean, Amos. They can't put a little girl into a home where men are coming and going. "
My hands squeeze into fists as a rage of jealousy engulfs me. "Do you have a lot of men coming and going?"
She shakes her head. "Of course not. You're the only man who's touched me in years."
I relax my fists and run a hand through my hair.
"I'm not some guy who's going to be in and out of your house, Alana. I'm playing for keeps here."
She glances up at me, her eyes wide. "You may think that now, Amos, but you're about to take on a child.
You're about to become a single parent. You may think this is what you want now, but I'm telling you, things are going to change for you.
Life is going to change. If you really value me that much, you'll see that. You'll back off."
I inhale deeply. She's right. My life is about to change. I'm starting a new job; I'm becoming a single parent. Hell, I haven't even lived in the same town for more than three months since I was eighteen.
But it doesn't change the way I feel about her. It doesn't change the attraction I have and the feeling in my gut that this could be something more. But I respect her decision. I have to.
"It's not just the adoption, Amos. Those foster kids need me.
I want to be available to take in emergency cases.
My home isn't big enough to take a foster child full time, but when there's an emergency, there'll always be a spare bed.
Those kids need me. Kyra needs me. She has absolutely no one else in this world. I can't fuck this up."
I sit back and glance around the park. It's the same one where we had the first meeting with Sam. Kids’ laughter drifts over to us from the playground.
A kid goes down the slide and grins up at his mother.
He tries to stand but tumbles over, and the mother scoops him up. I'm struck by how vulnerable they are.
She's right. The girl she's caring for has no one else in the world. And If Alana thinks this is what she needs to do for the girl, then I respect that.
But I can't stand the thought of not having her in my life.
"I understand."
Relief floods her expression, but it's tinged with sadness.
"I'll back off, Alana. But can we still be friends? I don't know who else to talk to about the questions I'm going to have about Sam."
She smiles. "Of course. We can do a playdate with Kyra sometime."
That's not what I was hoping for. I was hoping for another playdate with Alana. But I'll take what I can get.
"Friends, then."
"Friends," she echoes.
Her smile is bright. She holds out her hand and I shake it, wondering how the hell I'm going to be just friends with this woman.
But I'd rather have her friendship than nothing.