22. Amos
AMOS
I wake with a start at the sound of a door opening up the hall.
My neck cricks as I move it. At some point I must have fallen asleep sitting upright on the couch.
I checked Sam's temperature throughout the night, and towards dawn was satisfied enough that it wasn't going up to allow myself a few hours’ sleep.
As a SEAL, I learned how to nap anywhere and to fall asleep fast. When you're on a days-long mission, grabbing ten minutes sleep when you can is a lifesaving skill.
And taking care of Sam is the hardest mission of my life.
I stretch the crick out of my neck as Alana pads into the room. She's looking beautifully disheveled in the same over-sized t-shirt she slept in and a pair of soft jogging pants. Her hair is sticking up, and she looks fucking adorable.
My dick stirs to life as memories of last night spring into my mind. Alana's soft body under mine was glorious. The way we fit perfectly together was unlike anything I've experienced before. It was too good not to do again.
"Hey beautiful." I stand up and pull her toward me, planting a soft kiss on the top of her head. "You sleep okay?"
She nods but doesn't lift her head. She's warm from sleep, her body soft and squishy against mine. I nuzzle the top of her head, breathing in the scent of sleep.
"How's Sam?" she asks.
"Still running a temperature, but it's not as high as last night. He woke a few hours ago, and I gave him another dose of Tylenol. He's sleeping again."
"That's good."
"How are you?" I take half a step back and tilt her head up so she's looking at me. Her expression is haunted, and a knot of doubt forms in my stomach.
"About last night..." she starts, then looks down.
"Last night was incredible, Alana." Whatever she's about to say next, I don't want to hear it. "You were made for me, baby."
She shakes her head and pulls away and her expression is agony. "It was incredible." Her cheeks blush and I smile as I think about the way her body felt in my hands, and the noises she tried to cover with the pillow, and the way I lost control in her.
"But nothing's changed, Amos. I still have to put Kyra first. I can't date."
The words hit like a blow to the stomach. "I don't want to date you, Alana. I want you in my life. You and Kyra."
She shakes her head. "How can you say that when we've only known each other a few weeks?"
"It's enough for me. My instincts are never wrong."
She frowns and studies my face. "It's too soon for me. I like you, Amos. But I'm too close to the adoption going through. I can't do anything to jeopardize that. Kyra has no one in the world but me. I can't let her down."
Her expression is agony, and it makes me love her more. Alana will do anything for her daughter, and I respect her for that.
I rest my hands on her shoulders. I can't force Alana into anything, and I can't let her go. "I understand now. I'd do anything for Sam, anything."
Her expression softens. "Thank you for understanding."
"But that doesn't mean I'm giving up on you, Alana. I'll wait for you and Kyra however long it takes.”
Tears spring to Alana's eyes, and she blinks rapidly. With my thumb, I brush away a single tear that leaks out of her eye.
"One day we'll be together, the four of us under the same roof. I'll take care of the both of you, and we'll be a family. You just tell me when you're ready, Alana."
Her gaze meets mine wide with amazement. "You'd wait for me?"
"I'll wait a lifetime if I have to."
There's movement in the hallway, and she steps away from me as Kyra walks into the living room, rubbing her eyes from sleep.
"Is Sam better?" she asks.
Alana goes to her and crouches next to her daughter. "He's getting there."
She pulls her daughter into a hug and leads her through to the kitchen.
As she walks past me, my heart goes with her. I love her for putting her daughter first, but damn, it's hard.