24. Alana
ALANA
K yra shifts her weight from one foot to another as she peers up at the judge seated behind the wide wooden bench.
She's in her favorite tulle skirt that's purple with golden sparkles woven through the fabric. Her hair is braided neatly for the occasion.
By the time we got back from Amos's place last night, she was asleep in the car.
I carried her inside and tried not to think about the little boy I had to take into emergency foster care yesterday.
There are so many kids who need a home, but I can only do so much on my own.
I'm just glad Amos was able to pick up Kyra, so I didn't leave him scared and on his own.
"Can you state the child's new name in full?"
The judge smiles down at me, and I squeeze Kyra's hand. "Kyra Romana Johnson."
Kyra squeezes my hand back and grins up at me.
The judge picks up a fountain pen. "I'm going to sign this paperwork, and then you've got your girl."
I hold my breath as he scrawls his signature on the adoption certificate.
It's been a long wait for this day, but finally Kyra will officially be mine. The adoption ceremony is the final step. It's a formality in the long process that's taken over six months and a lot of sacrifice.
The judge holds up the certificate with his official signature. "Congratulations Kyra and Alana, you are officially a family."
Kyra turns to me with hopeful eyes. "Can I call you Mom now?"
There are tears in my eyes as I nod. "Yes, honey. You can call me Mom."
She beams up at me and leaps into my arms. We both shriek, and I twirl her around before remembering we're in a courtroom. However, by the way the judge is beaming at us, he doesn't seem to mind.
I set Kyra down, and she takes a firm hold of my hand. The judge hands over the certificate and we both stare at it, marveling at our names together on the document that makes Kyra officially my daughter.
"Would you like me to take a photo?" My family lawyer is smiling as much as the judge.
I hand her my phone, and she snaps a few pictures of me and Kyra holding the certificate proudly between us.
"I've got to send one to Amos."
My lawyer murmurs her congratulations as she hands the phone back, and I send the picture off to Amos.
In the last few months, we've remained friends. I don't regret the night we spent together. But as I stare into the smiling face of my daughter, I don't regret putting her first.
We've been friendly, but he's kept his distance. Still, he's the first person I think of who I want to send the picture to.
He texts back with a smiling emoji.
Congratulations Mom
A moment later another text comes through.
Dinner tonight?
My heart skips a beat. He hasn't forgotten the conversation we had the morning after we slept together. A smile plays on my lips as I think about how to answer him.
I may have been overly cautious about not wanting to get involved with someone while waiting for the adoption papers. But I couldn't take the risk. I didn't know if it would work out with Amos, and it wasn't the time to find out. But now that I have the adoption papers, what's stopping me?
I'm about to text back when another message pings.
And by dinner, I mean you and Kyra me and Sam and the gang at Pizza Feast
The smile falters on my lips as disappointment hits me like a kick to the stomach.
I've waited too long. I friend-zoned Amos, and now it's too late.
I stupidly thought he meant just me and him for dinner.
But I missed my chance. A man like Amos doesn't wait around, no matter what he said in a post-sex guilt talk.
He's probably had women throwing themselves at him. Why would he wait?
Kyra twirls around the front of the judge's desk, and my heart warms at how happy she is. She’s come a long way from the timid, suspicious girl who came into my care over two years ago.
"You want to get pizza tonight?"
She squeals again, and I swallow down my disappointment about Amos.
This is the sacrifice I made to become a mother, and I have to live with my choices. And that means accepting that Amos will only ever be a friend.
Meet you there at 6
I message back and add a smiley emoji to pretend I'm not hurting on the inside.