Chapter 8
Eight
Winter
The kiss gets out of control way too fast. Especially right here in the middle of the lodge. There hasn't been a ton of foot traffic, but that doesn't mean someone won't come down, or maybe Alana will need something. Pulling away form her, I clear my throat. "We shouldn't do this here."
She groans, burying her face in my chest. "You're right, although everyone is stuck here, it's still a place of business. By the way, do you have any idea how much longer this storm will be going? I can't get anything except for my text messages to load."
My chest tightens. Does this mean she's ready to leave, or she's worried about being here longer than needed?
I'm getting that familiar feeling for abandonment again, but I push it away.
"It should end tomorrow night, but there's a ton of cleanup that needs to be done.
You'll probably be able to leave the day after Christmas. "
I watch to see if she's excited by that prospect, but she seems to play it cool. She smiles, and it reaches her eyes, I make fucking sure. "I'm excited to spend Christmas with you and Alana. There might not be any gifts for either of you, but I'll be glad to be with you all."
This is everything I've wanted. So many times while I've been building Cedar Lodge up, I've wanted to see what Joy would think of it.
"Neither one of us care about gifts. We don't see my parents, and obviously her other pair of grandparents aren't in her life.
We spend the holiday here, and we love the company.
What do you normally do for the holiday?
" I ask her, wanting to know how she lives her life.
She smiles sadly. "I'm usually by myself. Sometimes a coworker invites me to do something with their family, or I volunteer. I've never had any kind of tradition or anything. Not since I moved out from my parents house, and even then you know we didn't have anything we had to do."
That all sounds so lonely to me. "Then we're happy to have you here with us."
She leans into me, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her close. The fire crackles beside us, and outside the snow continues to fall, but in here it's warm. Like maybe we're in our own little snow globe, protected from the world.
"Do you want to go outside?" I ask, the words coming out before I've really thought them through. "I know it's cold, but there's a covered porch out back with a fire pit. We could be alone. Talk without worrying about who might walk in."
She pulls back to look at me, her eyes searching mine. "I'd like that."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." She grins. "Let me grab my coat, gloves, and hat."
Ten minutes later, we're both bundled up in winter gear, and I'm leading her through the lodge to the back porch.
It's one of my favorite spots, especially in the winter.
The porch is covered and enclosed on three sides, with a large stone fire pit in the center surrounded by comfortable outdoor furniture.
"This is beautiful," Joy says as I flip the switch to start the fire pit. The flames jump to life, immediately throwing off heat. It won't be enough to keep us completely warm, but it'll keep us from freezing.
"I added it last year. Thought guests might enjoy it, but mostly I come out here when I need to think." I settle onto one of the cushioned chairs and pat the seat next to me. "Come sit."
She does, close enough that our shoulders touch even through our thick coats. For a while, we just sit in comfortable silence, watching the flames dance and the snow fall beyond the covered area.
"Can I ask you something?" Joy finally says, her voice quiet.
"Anything," I say, desperately wanting to know what's going on in her head.
"Are you happy? With your life, I mean. With what you've built here?"
I consider the question, wanting to give her an honest answer. "Most days, yeah. I love what I do, I love being Alana's dad. The lodge has been more successful than I ever dreamed. But..." I trail off, not sure if I should continue.
"But?" she prompts gently.
"But sometimes I wonder if something's missing. If this is really everything I wanted, or if I settled for it because it was safe." I turn to look at her. "Does that make sense?"
"More than you know." She sighs, staring into the fire. "I'm not happy with my job."
The admission hangs in the cold air between us. It makes my heart stutter.
"You're not?"
"No." She shakes her head, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.
"I mean, I'm good at it. I do social media marketing, and I've been successful by most standards.
But I'm not happy. My boss is a dick, the hours are insane, and I just found out I've been competing against a coworker without even knowing it.
All those sixty-hour weeks, all those missed holidays and relationships I didn't pursue because I was always working.
.. for what?" She throws her hands up, her voice full of annoyance and despair.
I reach over and take her hand, and even through our gloves, I can feel the spark between us. "You deserve better than that."
"I'm starting to realize that." She looks at me, and in the firelight, her eyes are glassy with unshed tears.
Along with what looks to be disappointment.
"Being here with you and Alana, seeing what you've built, how you actually care about the people who work for you and the guests who stay here.
.. it's making me realize how empty my life has been.
I've been so focused on climbing some corporate ladder that I forgot to actually live. "
An idea forms in my mind, crazy and impulsive, but I can't seem to stop myself from saying it out loud. "I need a new social media marketer."
She blinks at me. "What?"
"For the lodge. The person I have now isn't cutting it.
They post maybe twice a week, the content is boring, and we're not reaching the audience we should be.
I've been meaning to find someone better, but I haven't had the time.
" I squeeze her hand. "If you're really looking for something new, you're welcome to work for me.
The person who's doing it for me now is doing it on an as needed basis, and it's something I haven't made a priority, but I know I should.
I'm losing a lot of money and opportunities. "
"Winter, I…"
"I'm serious." I tell her, having all the faith in the world.
"I'm sure you're talented since you've done this so long, you understand this business, and you care about quality.
You always have. Plus, you'd be working for someone who actually values you, not some asshole who pits employees against each other.
" I pause, my heart racing, as I wait for her to listen to everything I've said and process it.
"And you'd be here. In Pine Ridge. Near me and Alana. "
She's quiet for a long moment, and I start to worry that I've pushed too hard, too fast. But then she leans over and kisses me.
It's different from the kiss inside. It's slower and much more deliberate. Like she's trying to tell me something with her lips that she can't put into words yet.
When she pulls back, she's smiling. "Thank you. For offering, for believing in me. That means more than you know."
"You don't have to give me an answer right now," I say quickly, not wanting her to say no. I really want her to give it thought. "Just think about it."
"I will. I promise."
We fall silent again, but this time there's an energy between us that wasn't there before. A possibility that there's a second chance available for us, and since I kissed her, there's an undercurrent of arousal I can't get rid of.
"Come here," I say, pulling her closer until she's practically in my lap. She comes willingly, settling against my chest.
"This is nice," she murmurs, and I can feel her breath against my neck.
"Yeah, it is."
I tilt her chin up, and suddenly we're kissing again. This time it's urgent and desperate, like we're trying to make up for all the years of missing each other. My hands find their way under her coat, and she gasps when my cold fingers touch her waist.
"Sorry," I mumble against her mouth.
"Don't be," she breathes, and then she's kissing me again, harder this time.
We get lost in each other, the fire warming us, the storm providing privacy since everyone is staying in their rooms. Her hands are in my hair, and mine are exploring the curve of her waist, the small of her back.
I remember every inch of her body, even after all these years, and touching her again feels like coming home.
"Winter," she gasps when my mouth moves to her neck. "God, I've missed this."
"Me too," I admit, my voice rough. "Me too."
Unzipping her jacket, I allow my hands to slide further under her sweater, and she arches into my touch.
I can feel her heart racing, matching the frantic beat of my own.
This is moving fast, way too fast, but I can't seem to stop myself.
I want her. Want this. Want everything we used to have and everything we could be.
But then her hands are on my chest, gently pushing me back.
"Wait," she says, breathless. "Wait, we need to stop."
I pull back immediately, searching her face. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, God no." She's breathing hard, her cheeks flushed from more than just the cold.
Her lips are swollen and pink, as she reaches out with her tongue to collect my taste off of them.
"This is... this is amazing. You're amazing.
But we shouldn't jump into this just because we're feeling close and the setting is as romantic as a snow globe. "
I can't help but smile at that. "A snow globe, huh?"
"You know what I mean." She touches my face, her fingers tracing my jaw. "I left you once, Winter. I broke your heart and ran away because I was scared. I don't want to make any decisions right now that I might regret later. That we might regret later."
She's right. I know she's right. But that doesn't make it any easier to slow down when all I want is to lose myself in her.
"Okay," I say, pressing my forehead to hers, trying to steady my galloping heart and raging hard on. "Okay, we'll take it slow."
"Thank you." She kisses me softly, sweetly. "I'm not saying no. I'm just saying not yet. Not until we're both sure this is what we want and not just nostalgia or proximity or hormones."
"I get it," I interrupt gently. "And you're right. Alana's involved in this now too. I can't just jump into something without thinking about how it affects her."
"Exactly." Joy settles back against my chest, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her close. "Let's just enjoy this time together. No pressure, no expectations. Just see what happens."
"I can do that," I say, even though every fiber of my being wants to tell her that I already know what I want. That I've always known. She's it for me, always has been, always will be. It's like everything I've always wanted is right here within reach, and I can't reach out and grab it.
But she's right to be cautious. We're not kids anymore. We have responsibilities, histories, scars. We can't just pick up where we left off and pretend the last ten years didn't happen.
So instead, I hold her and watch the fire and the snow, and I tell myself that this is enough for now. That whatever happens between us will happen in its own time.
"Winter?" Joy's voice is sleepy, muffled against my coat.
"Yeah?"
"I'm really glad I got stranded here."
I tighten my arms around her, breathing in the familiar scent of her hair. "Me too, Joy. Me too."
We stay like that for a long time, wrapped up in each other and the moment, while the snow continues to fall and the fire burns. And for the first time in ten years, I let myself hope that maybe, just maybe, we'll get a second chance at the life we were supposed to have.
Eventually, we head back inside, our hands clasped together, and I walk her to her room. At her door, she turns to me.
"Thank you for tonight," she says softly.
"Thank you for staying."
She rises on her toes and kisses me one more time, soft and sweet and full of promise. Then she's slipping into her room, and I'm standing in the hallway, grinning like an idiot.
As I head to my office to check on Alana, I realize that this Christmas might turn out to be the best one I've had in years. Not because of presents or decorations or traditions, but because Joy is here.
And this time, I'm not going to let her get away without a fight.