Chapter One. #2
Adam now looked like I’d slapped him. “You wish I died?” he whispered, hurt present in his voice.
“Yes!” I hissed. “Because it would be better living with the memory of your laughter and love. All we get is anger and bitterness. There’s no gratitude that you lived.
Willow gave birth to a son that Grey will never see.
Jesus, I thanked God you made it because our children still had a dad.
But now…” I broke off, unwilling to put the rest into words.
“Say it!” Adam yelled back.
“I wish you’d died! Yeah, you had an injury, but I had you, and the kids had their daddy. But you’re not their father, not even close. Zoie avoids you, as do the boys. Walker’s disgusted and can’t stand to look at you half the time.”
“Because I’m a cripple.”
“Only in your head! Sure, your leg isn’t one hundred per cent, and never will be.
But you’re here and living. Instead of embracing that and being grateful, you’ve turned into the most miserable motherfucker alive.
The kids and I don’t consider you disabled.
Fuck, we were just happy you lived,” I hissed and leaned back against the counter.
“You’ve given up, it’s already like you didn’t survive.
I don’t recognise the man in front of me. ”
Adam’s face twisted, and he swept the remains of breakfast, bowls, mugs, and food off the table.
“Rina, I’m a gimp! Useless! Can’t protect James or look after you.
Every day, I try to bite the bullet, but I’m too much of a coward to pull the trigger.
Do you think I don’t see how everyone looks at me? ”
“Like what, Adam? Like what?” I demanded.
“With pity and sympathy, they know I’m worthless now.”
“You’re right, you are, and not for the reasons you believe, Adam,” James said from the doorway. He looked at Adam and shook his head.
“Your fighting can be heard throughout the house. Kate and Tammy have the children in the garden.”
“You agree with me,” Adam spat, shock in his voice and on his face.
“Yeah. Because I can’t use someone full of self-pity, that’s just a waste of space.
There was more to you than being a bodyguard, Adam.
You forgot that. We didn’t. May I suggest that before you lose everything, listen to what Rina has planned?
And I strongly urge you to take it up. Otherwise, you were never the man I believed you to be,” James said sternly.
With that direct statement, James turned and walked off.
Adam faced me. “What have you plotted? A divorce?”
“No. I booked a vacation. It’s in England, away from everything here that reminds you of what happened.
We’ll be staying there over Christmas. James is lending us the plane, and we’ll buy presents out there.
I’ve arranged a four-week stay at an inn called The Black Cat, situated in a quaint English village. ”
Adam stared, shocked. “You did what?”
“You heard me. We have to get away from here. Leave your hate and self-pity behind. Because when I married you, Adam, I said in sickness and in health, and I meant that. Now, I’m going to fight for you, but I need you to fight with me!”
Adam shook his head. “Nothing to fight for. Maybe we should get a divorce.”
My breath caught in my throat. Panic welled, and I gaped. “What?” I gasped in a strangled voice. My hands began to shake. Adam surely hadn’t said that?
“Divorce,” Adam repeated.
My anger melted instantly, and a cry like a wounded animal left me. My scream rattled around the room, and I clutched my chest as pain seared me. Adam’s eyes stared blankly, with no emotion at all.
Someone gripped me, and I gazed into the concerned face of James. “Rina?”
“Adam wants a divorce,” I forced out.
Pure anger crossed James’s face, and he released me, spinning on Adam with a fierceness that took him aback.
“Get out!” James snarled. “I’m ordering you to the mausoleum!”
“You aren’t my boss anymore! Got replaced, remember?” Adam sneered.
James leaned forward, fury in every line of his body. “Go talk to the man who believed in you. Tell Frank he made a mistake. Ask Frank if he’d rather have a bad leg than be dead and unable to watch his kids and grandkids grow up.”
Adam still didn’t flinch. Angrily, he held our gazes as I struggled to breathe, and then he limped away without a word.
Another cry escaped me as Adam didn’t even glance back, and my legs gave out as I crashed onto the ground.
James came with me, anger and sorrow pouring from him.
He wrapped his arms around me as I wondered why I wasn’t crying.
Had Adam hollowed me out so much that there were no more tears left? Kate entered and sat beside me.
“Shit, I heard. Tammy and Frankie took the kids for ice cream. Is there anything I can do?” she asked softly. Numb, I shook my head until finally I began to weep.
“I’ll deal with Adam,” James snapped, and I nodded. James didn’t move, though, and sat there, sandwiching me between him and Kate. At least somebody cared.
Adam
Had I really just hit Rina for a divorce? I couldn’t believe that had left my mouth. What a damned fool I was. Rina wanted me gone? Said I’d have been better off if I’d died, fuck her! That had hurt. How the hell did you want somebody dead if you loved them?
I sat and stared at Frank’s tomb. What would he say about this?
James’s words had hit home—mainly because I knew Frank would have chosen a gimpy leg over missing out.
That man had lived for family. Frank would definitely have even taken a double amputation if he’d been given the choice.
Why couldn’t I be grateful for being alive?
What was so fucked up in me that I couldn’t accept that life changed, but love surrounded me?
Nobody wanted to see me in pain or watch me fail.
Yet, I kept lashing out and hating everyone.
“You’re a full-on asshole,” a voice said, and I didn’t bother looking around.
“Thought James would come himself, or ain’t I worth that consideration anymore?” I snapped.
Strong hands grabbed and hauled me up from where I was sitting. I was slammed back against a wall and pinned. Before the war, this would never have happened.
“Fuckin’ idiot,” Gunner snarled.
“I’ve got nothing to say,” I retorted weakly. “Let me the fuck go, Gunner.”
James’s brother looked me in the eye and sneered. “Make me.”
I shoved against his chest, and Gunner didn’t move. “Pussy,” Gunner taunted and released me. He walked over to Frank’s tomb and laid his hand on it. Moments ticked past before he turned back to me.
“Frank died for James and me. Everyone thinks Frank gave his life for James, but it was both of us. Frank came for me, wanting James and me to work out our shit. His selflessness was what brought us to reconciliation—that and the old ladies. Pushy bitches, all of them, and my old lady one of the worst,” Gunner said softly.
Love of his family leaked into his voice. Gunner might tease Autumn, but we all knew she held his heart in her hands.
“Without Frank’s sacrifice, I’d not have my loved ones, James wouldn’t have Kate, and your kids simply wouldn’t be here either. Think on that in your bitterness, Adam. Those beautiful children wouldn’t exist apart from Walker.”
“They’d be better off if I’m not here,” I muttered.
Gunner sent me a scathing look. “If you’re thinking like that, then yeah, divorce Rina.
But are you gonna be able to handle it when a guy picks her up for a date?
When Rina’s laughing at him over the dinner table, and you aren’t?
Or when he kisses her, or when his cock’s inside her?
Rina can have more babies. Want to pick up your children and see her belly rounded with another man’s kid?
Hey, how about your kids calling him Daddy because they don’t know the drunk, pathetic asshole you turned into? ”
Gunner’s worst hit deep, and then he snarled out my deepest fear. “What if Rina falls back in love with Dane?”
I lashed out. Gunner danced easily out of the way. Something else that wouldn’t have happened when I was fit.
“Don’t like reality, Adam? Then stop being a miserable motherfucker. Rina’s hanging in; she has been for eighteen months. That woman’s not quit on you, but what you just pulled? You deserve to fuckin’ lose her.”
I stared Gunner down, hate spilling from me. People always said the truth hurt; they weren’t lying.
“What are you gonna do? Man up or sacrifice everything and become a drunk in the gutter. Because that’s where you’re heading. You can reach out and take the support and the help the family will offer, or spit in our faces. Make a choice.” Gunner snapped and headed for the exit.
“Family?”
“James considers you a brother. Me? You’re the asshole kid that was adopted and ain’t settled into his new boots.” With that, Gunner stomped off. Nice.