Chapter Four.
Adam
I was a little surprised when Benedict, Mariah, Trudy, and Julie also joined us in the bar.
I thought they’d eat lunch elsewhere, but they took a table near the other Inglenook and sat talking amongst themselves.
They all appeared at ease, and it seemed strange to me that Benedict was the brother of an earl and yet ran a pub.
I wondered if they were a close-knit family.
My eyes wandered around the bar and landed on a portrait over one of the fireplaces.
I frowned as I studied the man in it before glancing at Benedict.
The painting could have been of him, even though the figure was dressed in old-fashioned clothing.
I squinted and saw a name on the brass plaque under the painting.
“The Hon. Benedict Norton.”
“What?” Rina asked.
“Look at that portrait; that could be Benedict. Look, they even have a similar scar above their eye. And their names are the same.”
“That is strange. Do you think it’s Benedict who posed in costume?” Rina asked, peering closely at the portrait.
“No, check out the dates. Born 1691, died 1716,” I pointed out.
I turned and gazed at the other fireplace.
Above that was another portrait, this time of a woman.
Her hair was long and black, falling to her waist. Amber-coloured eyes stared at me, and I shuddered.
They seemed to know. I quickly glanced at the plaque and made out the words.
‘Lady Catherine Norton, the Black Cat.’ I couldn’t read the date, even though there was one. A shadow covered it.
Something was very strange in this place.
I finished my food and caught the kids yawning. It had been a long two days for them. I bet all they wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep. Sadly, for them, it was too early in the UK to do that. If I allowed them to sleep now, they’d be up all night.
“How was your meal?” Trudy asked, approaching.
“Fantastic, the pies were wonderful,” Rina replied.
“Good. Let me clear your plates, and then we can look at tomorrow’s menus. Julie has a stew cooking for tonight with freshly baked bread, if that’s okay?” Trudy asked.
“Perfect.” Rina smiled.
“Okay, give me five minutes.”
Trudy began clearing our dishes.
“Can I take the kids out to play in the snow?” Walker asked Rina.
“Sure, I don’t see why not. I wonder if it’s okay for the children to play outside, though.”
“Of course it is. Stick to the enclosed beer garden. We have a river out back that isn’t fully iced over. Another two days and it will be fine, but the children need to keep within the fenced area,” Trudy said.
“That’s great, thank you,” Rina replied, and I grunted.
With the heat searing my leg and my belly full, I was feeling more relaxed.
“Mariah and I dug out some items from the attic. We have some sledges, snowshoes, and skis. There are some other bits and pieces that the children can play with,” Trudy offered.
“That sounds wonderful. If we don’t wake them up, they won’t sleep tonight.” Rina smiled at the kids. I noted how they returned her smile. Far different from how they looked at me. That hurt. I didn’t have to ask if I’d been such a grouch; it was clear in their eyes.
“Come on, kids,” Walker announced, and they trooped after him.
“What well-behaved children they are,” Trudy said, but I heard her silent message.
Why aren’t they behaving like normal children?
I was finally seeing my kids through a stranger’s eyes, and I didn’t like it.
Callum, Xander, and Zoie didn’t run around or make noise like other children.
They were overly quiet, cautious, and miserable.
They were afraid of setting my temper off.
For a different reason and without meaning to, I’d turned into my father.
Rina held my gaze when I sought her eyes for reassurance, but I didn’t find it. She knew that our kids weren’t reacting normally.
“Go outside and play with them. No snowmen, though. I’ll help them build one tomorrow,” I said softly.
Rina’s eyes widened, and she glanced at Trudy. “Go on, babe. I’ll sort the meals out and rest this damned leg of mine. Go have some fun with the kids.”
Rina didn’t hesitate and shot off upstairs chasing after the kids to ensure they were wrapped up warmly.
“So, Mr Maddon, tomorrow. Julie tends to make a full English. Does anyone have food allergies?” Trudy asked. She looked like she expected me not to know, but I shook my head.
“Zoie is convinced that mushrooms are poisonous and won’t eat them or anything they’ve touched. Other than that, they should be fine. But none of that… black pudding, I believe it’s called?”
“That’s fine, Mariah and Benedict aren’t keen on it either. As for Zoie, we do a buffet-style breakfast, and each food item has its own compartment. Tomorrow lunchtime is going to be soup, the one that was on offer today, and dinner will be cottage pie and seasonal vegetables again.”
“That sounds perfect, although is cottage pie, shepherd’s pie?”
“No. Cottage pie is made with beef, while shepherd’s pie has lamb,” Trudy explained.
“Ah, okay, I guess we can learn something new every day. But those choices are fine.”
“Thank you, Mr Maddon, can I fetch you a coffee?”
“Please, it’s Adam. And yes, I’d love one. Although is there anywhere I can watch the children from, please?”
“There is a rear parlour, and the back dining room overlooks the beer garden,” Trudy replied.
“That sounds good to me.”
Trudy pointed in the direction I should head in, and I hauled myself up. I gritted my teeth against the pain and limped off to watch my kids.
Mariah
“That is a family in crisis. He has no idea how lucky he is to have four beautiful and amazing children,” I said sadly.
Benedict wrapped his arms around me.
“No, he doesn’t, but we don’t know what happened to him. He must have seen some awful things,” Benedict replied.
“Those children are frightened of him. No child should be scared of their dad.”
“No, darling, they shouldn’t. But I sense Adam’s a man who is struggling to find his place in the world. If he’s unable to do the job he once did, I can’t imagine how he must feel. Especially since I sense he loved his job,” Benedict replied.
“You experienced something similar with Vemis. You didn’t turn into him!” I exclaimed.
“Didn’t I? I was very bitter and didn’t trust anyone, remember?”
“True. But you didn’t isolate your family,” I retorted.
Benedict grinned, and I blushed. I knew what he was going to say before he said it. “Babe, I was unaware my family was alive.”
“Okay, so that was a bit of a daft thing to say,” I admitted.
“Mariah, my whole focus was on keeping Vemis locked down and stopping that idiot Klaus from accomplishing his goals. Which we succeeded in doing.”
A laugh made me look outside, and I saw the three younger children chasing the older one and Rina around.
“That is how children should be heard, not the quiet, meek stuff they have going on,” I stated.
“And you’re feeling it more because you want our own child,” Benedict guessed.
“Yes.”
“What will be, will be, Mariah. Whether we have children or adopt, we have each other, and we’re alive. And I’m very happy with that. After all, not everyone gets a second chance at life.”
Adam
Not everyone gets a second chance at life.
Those words rang through my head, taunting me, hounding me as I slipped away as quietly as I could.
Benedict and Mariah hadn’t been aware I’d been eavesdropping.
I certainly hadn’t liked what I’d heard.
As I moved away, I saw a woman standing staring at me.
My disbelieving eyes took in the transparent figure of Lady Catherine from the portrait. She stared straight at me, her gaze unflinching.
“Those who hide in shadows to listen, often find comments not to their liking,” she stated, and I gaped as she began fading away.
Sensing a trap, I looked around for evidence that I was being played. What the hell was with this place?
I slid into a chair where I could watch over my kids and Rina.
Walker had just smacked Rina with a snowball, and she was laughing at him.
It hurt deeply to see how relaxed they all were without me around.
I’d caused this rift, me and only me. I was to blame.
With guilt and other emotions swirling inside me, I dug out my cell and dialled a number.
“Adam,” Janet said by way of greeting.
“Janet, I’m watching my family have a snowball fight.”
“Yes?” Janet asked. “How does that make you feel?”
“Shit. They’re all laughing and having fun. I’m seeing a side of Zoie I’ve not seen for months. I dampened their spirits and caused sheer misery,” I replied.
“You probably did.” Ouch, don’t hold back, Janet!
“But it wasn’t your fault. PTSD can take many shapes and forms. The most common symptoms are anger, emotional numbness, and distancing yourself from loved ones.
We’ve discussed these alongside self-destructive behaviours, such as shoving loved ones away and alienating them.
You’ve admitted to having flashbacks, trouble sleeping and concentration problems. And add to all those, the panic attacks you’ve had. PTSD is not your fault.”
“My little girl is laughing, Janet, full-on laughing, a belly laugh. I’ve never seen her do that,” I said, saddened.
“Because they adapted to your pain. What you’ve now got to show them is that you can and will heal. The nightmares might fade, but never leave; the flashbacks may be the same; it’s how you handle them moving forward. Have you even begun taking the medication I prescribed?” Janet asked astutely.
“No.”
“I guessed that would be the case. Adam, I wouldn’t prescribe anything unless it helped you. I’m not a pill pusher. What you suffered was a massive trauma. You weren’t trained to be a soldier,” Janet stated, and I snorted.
“We’ll need to disagree with that,” I replied.