5. Silent Warfare
SILENT WARFARE
OLIVIA
I feel like my skin is trying to crawl off my body.
There’s a small crowd here and I’m really wishing I had listened and stayed in the office.
I didn’t, and now this has become a huge thing, and everyone knows I’m involved.
I try to plead with Carson and the other brothers to just let it go, but I know they’re not going to.
In my head, I know I’m right. Ray went too far, and he was overly aggressive.
Yet my mind is a mess and automatically goes back to thinking I’m the one to blame for everything.
Years of dealing with the shame and guilt Douglas piled on me just refuse to disappear.
I find myself being escorted to an all-terrain vehicle that the guys use for ranch errands. This particular model seats four and has a utility bed on the back of it. Once Colt is sure I’m sitting down, he turns to the crowd we just left. “Hey Lake!”
Oh shit. That’s the man I try to stay away from. He reminds me too much of Bear. Sure, his hair is shorter and more styled than Bear would ever wear. His voice is different, yet the same in some ways. It’s just better for my sanity—which I’m barely holding onto—to stay far away from him.
The man stops walking away, his back becoming completely rigid.
He jerks at the sound of his name, as if someone just aimed a gun at the back of his head.
“Yeah?” he says, his voice gruff. It sounds like he’s had a ten pack a day cigarette habit and a bottle of whiskey as a nightcap for at least twenty years or longer.
I should hate it, but it slides over my body like a warm, soft blanket that I want to curl up in on a cold winter night.
An image of Bear comes to my mind, and I instantly feel ashamed.
What in the hell is wrong with me?
“Can you take Olivia to the house to stay with Lisa and then come back here?”
“Sure,” he says, although even I can hear how annoyed he is. Being around me is the last thing he wants. I should tell him I feel the same way about him. Instead, I bite down on my lip, trying to calm my nerves.
“I’m fine, Colt. I’d rather just walk over. I need time to get my thoughts in order.”
Colt steps closer to me and leans down to whisper in my ear. “I don’t want you alone right now, Livy.”
“I’m not going to fall apart. I’m stronger now.
I just … I don’t really want to be around another man right now.
I don’t really know Lake. I’ve never truly met him.
I’d feel better by myself.” I try to be quiet, but I know Lake heard me because he’d already started walking toward me when Colt asked him to drive me.
I shouldn’t feel guilty. I just told the truth.
Yet, I do. It’s not Lake’s fault that I’m a mess.
I suppose I could tell him the truth. Boy, would that be a conversation.
Hey, I know you’re probably a nice guy, but you remind me too much of the love of my life. You see my brother killed him and destroyed me. I’m one step away from a padded cell, and you just feel like the man who could push me inside and lock the door.
Yeah, that’s not a conversation I’m going to have with a man who can’t even stand to look at me. The guy hates me, and although I don’t know why—I don’t really care to either. With Lake, I’m thinking the less I know the better.
“I’ll take you. You’re safe with me,” Lake says, interrupting my spiraling thoughts.
I swallow down the urge to scream, “No way!” but Colt looks at me, pulling my hand into both of his.
“I promise he is okay. I trust him with your safety.” Then, he steps back as Lake moves so that he’s all I can see.
Lake’s eyes zero in on me and my breath stops in my chest. His eyes are exactly like Bear’s.
How is that possible? Lake’s beard covers his face so I can’t see much of it, and it’s frustrating.
I want to see if the cleft in Bear’s chin is there.
I want to know if that tiny scar on his cheek, which he got when he fell in his gravel driveway as a child, is there.
I want to see the ghost in my heart come to life before me—even though I know there’s no way.
I take a breath. Even I can hear how shaky it sounds. “That’s okay, I—”
Before I can finish my denial, Lake bends down so that only I can hear him. “We don’t have to like each other to do what our employer asks. Don’t make a scene and try to make me look bad in front of them.”
His voice is as cold as ice. His face is stern.
Nothing but his eyes are like Bear. I’m being stupid.
The urge to say hell no is still there. Yet, he’s worried I’ll make him look bad in front of Carson and his brothers.
I don’t want that. I may not know Lake, but I’ve heard how great Coop talks about him.
Lake works directly under him and Colt. If Colt says I’m safe, I am.
Finally, I just nod, unable to find my voice.
I move toward Colt, and I can definitely see worry written all over his face.
I lean up and kiss his cheek. “I’m fine.
Stop worrying. I’ll go play with Claire. ”
Colt smiles and bends slightly to kiss the top of my head. “I’ll check on you after my brothers and I take the trash out. Then, you and I should talk about how Ray’s approached you constantly the past month, and you just reported it today,” he adds.
Eek. Okay, so him getting into my space has become habitual, but he hasn’t pressured me that often.
I can count four times when it felt like a problem.
The other times Deb or someone was with me, and it didn’t feel as aggressive.
Today was the worst, though. I didn’t lie about that.
I give him a smile that I’m positive looks more like a grimace.
Then I go to the UTV like an obedient little puppy.
Carson speaks up at once. “Since there are quite a few of you gathered around, let me make this announcement now. Olivia Davis is our family. She’s our sister as much as if she were blood-related.
Anyone who makes her uncomfortable, insults her, or harms her in any way will be dealt with severely.
If you can’t respect her, then you need to go find another job. ”
Shit. That’s the last thing I wanted him to do. As Lake climbs in behind the wheel, I can feel anger radiating off him. Some might think that’s impossible, but after having a brother like Douglas and my past, anger becomes as physical as the blows to my body it used to cause.
Lake heads us back to the main ranch house.
I sit stiffly, not sure what to say. The heaviness in the air is suffocating.
I put my hands in front of me, gripping my legs hard.
It’s a trick I learned long ago. It helps me focus, reminding me I’m here—that I’m not in the past, no matter how much my brain tries to drag me back.
It seems it takes forever before we make it to the ranch house.
The entire ride was in silence. I didn’t bother to break it.
It seems safer to be quiet than to talk to him.
I stay extremely quiet. I’m not even sure I breathe.
I take a deep breath as the vehicle comes to a stop.
It burns my lungs, but I’m too busy scrambling out of my seat.
“Jesus,” Lake mutters as he watches me stumble in my haste to get away from him.
“Ollie-girl!” Cross calls out.
I look up at once, and tears hit my eyes. I practically run to him. He wraps his arms around me and lifts me up. I hold on to him and let the tears I’ve been holding in fall.
“What’s going on, sweetheart?”
“I missed you,” I tell him through my tears.
Somewhere behind me, I hear the UTV start back up. I don’t look back. I just hold on to Cross. I don’t ever want to see Lake again.
He’s an asshole.