15. Dating With A Side Of Guilt
DATING WITH A SIDE OF GUILT
LAKE
One Week Later
“Damn man, you need to go home and go to sleep,” Colt laughs after I let out a rather loud yawn.
“Believe it or not, I’ve been going to bed early and sleep like the dead.
I’m not sure what’s going on with me. I’m always exhausted lately,” I complain.
“I’m going into town later. I made an appointment at the clinic.
I’m sure I’m fine, but I just want to make sure it has nothing to do with my previous injuries. ”
“Do you need me or Coop to take you?”
“Nah, I’ll be fine. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I didn’t want you to think I left you high and dry this evening when you have men cleaning out the barn.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Colt laughs. “You’re just scheduling an appointment to get out of shoveling shit.”
I laugh with him. Over his shoulder, I can see Olivia walking out of the campground office.
Crap, I’m running late. I’d planned to approach her, hoping to talk her into eating with me.
I haven’t wanted to push her and have her run away, so I’ve not really spent much time with her since that night at the barn.
I’m very careful when dealing with her. I could see the panic in her eyes that night when we said goodbye.
So, since then, I’ve kept our interaction contained to just when she’s working or ‘accidentally’ bumping into her in town or on the ranch itself.
It hasn’t been easy. I’ve become a stalker, just to learn her plans for the day so I could arrange to see her without her knowing how I keep showing up.
It feels wrong to manipulate everything, but I can’t be completely honest. I have to get her to relax.
I need her to trust me—which is ironic since I’m manipulating things just so I can spend time with her.
Guilt is a strange bedfellow. Part of me is wondering if that’s why I’m always tired.
It’s exhausting planning and manipulating a woman you have true feelings for.
“Hey, Colt, I’ll see you later. I’m going to check on Livy. Deb said she wasn’t feeling well yesterday,” I call out, already walking away.
“Hmm …” Colt hums, and I can hear the laughter in that one simple sound.
I choose to ignore it. He knows exactly what I’m doing, mostly because he’s helped me keep up with Olivia’s schedule. He hasn’t stopped me, though, so I figure he’s okay with everything. I jog over to Olivia just as she turns around at the door—having just locked it.
“Hey, Livy.”
I see the shock on her face, then take in the way her lips slide into a smile. Something inside my chest eases. Olivia is glad to see me. That’s enough for now—it has to be.
“Hi, Lake,” she responds, her cheeks blushing. “Did you need something?”
“Just wanted to say hi. Are you just getting off for lunch?”
“Actually, Carson let me close the office early today. I’m going into town. I have a therapy appointment, then I’m going to grab dinner there at the diner with some friends.”
Shit. What friends? Is she seeing someone else?
The questions are instantaneous. I realize I’m jealous and I hate it.
I don’t understand why I’m so drawn to this woman—especially since I haven’t even looked at one since I woke up in the hospital.
I honestly thought the injuries killed something inside of me when it came to wanting a woman.
I had extensive injuries, and some were in areas that are vital for a man—so it was entirely possible.
“Shit, I guess that answers what I was going to ask of you,” I answer, hating myself for what I’m about to do—but doing it anyway.
Immediately, her forehead scrunches up in that adorable way it does when she gets confused.
I knew it would. It’s something that I’ve come to enjoy.
Each time it happens, I have to stop myself from reaching out and soothing the lines on her face myself.
The urge to touch her is getting harder and harder to ignore.
“What were you going to ask?” she asks.
I hold my head down, feeling like a dick, but pushing through. “It’s not important. I’ll talk to you later, Livy.”
I turn to walk away, praying she calls my bluff. I’ve watched Olivia enough that I know she can’t stand to believe someone is upset. I’m banking on that to help me here.
“Lake, stop,” she says, reaching out to grab my arm, keeping me from leaving. “What were you going to ask me?”
“It’s nothing. Silly, really. You don’t need to worry about it. I don’t want to bother you.” God, I’m an asshole.
“Lake,” she urges. “Tell me.”
I give her what I hope is a sad smile and not one that tells her I’m a lying asshole who is shamelessly trying to play to her sympathy.
“I’ve been having some issues with headaches and being overly tired.
I was going to go to the doctor today. Going back there always brings back bad memories.
I wanted to ask if you would join me and maybe have lunch at the diner.
It was silly. I’ll be okay by myself. Don’t worry about it.
You enjoy your day with your friends. I can handle this alone. I do it a lot.”
Will she get how I’m pushing her to her friends and downplaying what I am?
One look at her face tells me she has. I feel horrible, but if I can get her to soften toward me, let me in and give me a real chance, I can make it up to her.
I just need her to let her guard down and give me a real chance.
When I look into her beautiful green eyes, I stumble a bit with my plan.
There’s still time to stop this. Can I really do this?
I don’t know Olivia’s story, but I’m more than aware she’s been through a lot of pain.
Manipulating her feels so wrong, but if I don’t do something, she’s never going to let me in.
“I’ll go with you,” she says hurriedly.
Joy, panic, and guilt hit me square in the face. “Seriously, you don’t have to, Livy.”
“No, I want to. I do have my therapy session though. That will be an hour. You may not want to wait on me …”
“I’d love to take you. Then, after I can go for my MRI and then dinner if you’re okay with that,” I say at once, not letting the guilt I’m feeling keep me from having time with her.
“Are you sure?” she asks, and I can tell she’s afraid of putting me out.
Olivia has no idea that at this point I’d walk over hot coals just for the chance to get a little closer to her.
There’s something about her that makes me feel alive—as opposed to the numb I’ve felt since waking up in the hospital.
“Positive,” I say at once, not giving her time to back out. “Are you ready to go now?”
“I was going to go to the house and freshen up first. I cleaned some today and I feel a little icky,” she says, blushing.
I’m not sure why, but Olivia looks even more beautiful with her cheeks blooming pink.
“I parked in the campground lot so I could ride the UTV with Colt to check out the fences. I can drive you to your house and we can leave from there,” I suggest. I hold my breath, waiting to see if she panics at the thought of me taking her to her house. I think I forget to breathe.
When she agrees, I inhale and try my best to relax at last. “Sounds good.” I put my hand on the small of her back and lead her to my beat-up old Ford. I never had a reason to before, but maybe I should get a better vehicle if Olivia is going to be riding with me …