25. How Could I be So Stupid?
HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID?
BEAR
I usually am wide awake at night. It’s weird, but I just assumed my body had been trained over the years to sleep through the day and stay awake all night.
That’s what I’ve been doing since the time Olivia and I were living in that fucking cage.
Hell, most mornings I’m so out of it that I don’t even remember going to bed.
My mind just completely shuts down. Today is different.
My brain is foggy. Memories of last night are completely gone and I can see through the window the morning sun is just beginning to rise.
It’s still close to an hour before complete sunrise, but that’s late.
Especially since I’m in Olivia’s bed.
I obviously fell asleep last night and slept beside her all night.
I don’t remember it, but it makes sense.
After years of being without her, having her in my arms put my body completely at ease for the first time since I lost her.
Hell, even now, Olivia’s in my arms, her ass pressed against my cock, her hair spilling over my arm and caressing my chest. I finally have her in my arms. It’s so fucking amazing, I’m afraid it’s all a dream.
The urge to wake her up and reveal myself is so strong my hand trembles.
If I do that, it will scare her, though.
She’s thought I was dead for two years. My woman will also be upset, too.
She’ll be mad that I remained hidden since I recovered to watch over her and try to trap her brother.
No, I have to handle this carefully. I’ll have to slowly reveal myself to her and make sure to explain.
I’d do it now, but if she wakes up with me in her bed, she’ll freak out.
I need to plan it carefully. I’ll pick up her Dad’s favorite takeout and we can all three sit down and talk everything over.
Olivia will be upset, but she loves me. She’ll understand why I kept hidden.
I pull back to look down at her and frown. She doesn’t have one of my shirts on today. I miss it, but she’s wearing a cute, cotton nightie covered in little cherries that is printed in lime green for the stem and leaves and a bright red for the fruit. God, I love her.
I force my heavy limbs to get out of bed and grab my clothes.
They’re strewn all over the floor. Jesus, did I drink last night?
My head is throbbing. I quickly throw my clothes on, my eyes never leaving Olivia.
I accidentally drop my boot as I’m trying to put it on my foot.
I curse myself because I usually leave those in the restroom.
Now, I’m trying to silently jump around to put it on.
I freeze as the dull thud of the boot falling to the wood floor echoes around me.
Olivia moans, stirring slightly. My heart speeds up and I prepare myself to come clean right here and now—with no way to soften the blow.
“Lake,” she moans, snuggling into her pillow.
I feel like the world crashes around me.
Lake. Not Bear. Lake. Who the fuck is Lake?
Is that the man I’ve seen sniffing around her?
I haven’t been able to follow them, because my old injuries cause me trouble at the strangest times.
It’s like I can’t move without a pain so intense that I black out.
I may never completely heal, but I will fight through it for Olivia.
I can’t allow her feelings for this fucking Lake—whoever he is—to grow.
I need to reveal myself to her today. I can’t put it off any longer.
I finally finish dressing and look down at Olivia one last time.
“I won’t lose you again, Livy. We’ve been through too much.
You’ll forgive me and you will be mine again,” I vow quietly.
With one final look at her, I walk out of the room.
Since I already have my boots on, I’ll go out the back door.
It’s harder than hell getting out of that small window and as bad as I’m feeling this morning, I’m not sure I can manage it quietly.
I walk to the back of the house and go out the mudroom door, locking it behind me. I hate leaving her, but I don’t really have the option right now. I promise myself that tonight I will tell her everything. I can’t wait any longer.
Losing her can’t happen.
I make my way to the tree line. It’s sadly the place I’m most familiar with.
It’s where I watch over Olivia every night—at least until I got brave enough to go into her house.
I rub the back of my neck and reach inside my back jean pocket to find my smokes.
I take one out, frowning as I notice the way my hand is trembling.
My body is not totally in my command today.
It’s a struggle to get it to do what I want.
I light up and take a long drag, letting the nicotine coat my nerves.
I’m just starting to feel more like myself when I hear the crunch of twigs behind me.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
I turn to Cross. One of my closest brothers from the club, and the one man I trusted to make sure Olivia was safe.
He’s the man I left all my instructions to.
As near as I can tell he’s gone up and above anything I asked.
I trust him over anyone at this point. Still, I didn’t expect to have to reveal myself to him before I could talk to Olivia.
Shit.