Chapter Four
There was absolute silence. They stared at each other. She had no idea what might be going through his mind, no clue what she ought to say next.
He stroked her hair. She was so grateful for that. Whatever he was feeling right now, he behaved tenderly toward her. “Come on.” He took her hand and led her back to the bed. “Sit down.”
She sat.
He bent, grabbed his Wranglers, put them on and sat down beside her. When he took her hand again, the ache in her chest eased a little.
“Talk to me,” he said, weaving their fingers together.
What to say? Where to go from here? “It must have been that night on the first of January. We were together. After you left I started feeling sick…”
“I remember,” he said. “You had a bad stomach bug. It lasted a week or so, didn’t it?”
She nodded. “I kept throwing up. It didn’t occur to me at the time that my birth control pills were coming back up, too…”
He squeezed her hand.
She took that as encouragement to go on. “I’ve known for several weeks now. I took a home test. Positive. To be sure, I went to my doctor. He confirmed that I’m having a baby in the first week of October.”
“Is everything…okay?”
She turned to him. “You mean the baby?”
“The baby and you, too.”
“Yes, Josh. The baby and I are both fine. No red flags. I had the first ultrasound in March. All good. Just to be crystal clear, I am keeping this baby.”
“Of course you are,” he said.
She let out a shaky breath. “Well, I was never planning on having more kids. It was just going to be me and Dillon. Didn’t I tell you that?”
“Yeah.” He squeezed her hand. “You said that you would never get married again and that you felt a bit guilty because you would never be giving Dillon a little brother or sister.”
She scoffed. “Best-laid plans, huh?”
His eyes were kind. “You said that after losing your mom and then your dad and then TJ. You realized that the more people you love, the more people there are to lose.”
“That’s exactly what I said, and I meant it, too.” She bit her lip and hung her head. “But, well, now there’s this baby, and so I’m thinking one more, and that’s all. This baby, and that’s it.”
He let go of her hand, but only so that he could wrap his arm around her.
She indulged herself and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“How did you know?”
He pulled her a little bit closer. Then he stroked his hand lightly down her arm and back up again.
It was soothing, the way he touched her.
He made her feel safe. “In the past few weeks,” he said, “you’ve been acting…
preoccupied. I really did get the feeling there was something you were trying to tell me. ”
She laughed, a small, pained laugh—more like a sob, really. “You’re right about that.”
“I didn’t really figure it out until tonight, though. You look…softer without your clothes on.”
She laughed. “My boobs are bigger and my stomach is rounder. Is that what you’re trying to say?”
“Yeah.” He rubbed her shoulder. “You look even more beautiful than before.” When she scoffed at that, he added, “It’s true, Rile. You do.” He actually did seem sincere.
She met his eyes. “Well. Thank you.” He kissed her, a light brush of his warm lips to hers. She confessed then, “I kept promising myself I would tell you, but I could never get the words out. And now I’ve gone and blurted it out to you during Shane’s birthday weekend…”
He squeezed her shoulder. “It’s all right. It’s good.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Tonight is a good time to tell me. I needed to know and the sooner the better. I already missed that first ultrasound.”
“I’m sorry. But I do have the pictures. I’ll send them to you.”
“Thank you.” He stroked her hair. The fond touch warmed her heart—and made her want to burst into tears. “You know,” he said. “I’m not a bad bet as a dad. In case you haven’t noticed, I happen to like kids.”
“You are a great dad,” she said sincerely. “The best. And, well, you should know that, while I do want this baby, I’m not after a ring, and I’m perfectly capable of raising this child on my own. You can just think it over, decide how involved you want to be and then let me know.”
He stopped stroking her hair. His eyes had narrowed and his lips had become a grim line. “Come on, Riley. You have to know me better than that. Are you actually suggesting that I might just…walk away from my own kid? Or my kid’s mother, for that matter?”
Now she felt ashamed. “Of course I don’t think that. I mean, I know you’re no deadbeat. I’m only trying to make it clear that I’ll be okay with whatever you’re willing to offer. You can just take it slow, think it over, figure out what works for you.”
He looked at her for the longest time. She had no idea what might be going through his mind. But he didn’t look happy, that was for sure.
She said in a small voice, “Listen. If you want me to go—”
“No. I do not want you to go.”
“You sure?”
“Damn right, I’m sure. In fact, I want you to take off your clothes and get back in this bed with me.”
“But… I mean, I was on my way to my own room, remember?”
“Yep.”
“So you’re saying I have to stay because I was a jerk to you?”
“No, Riley. You don’t have to stay. But you asked me what I wanted, and what I want is for you to stay.”
She whacked him lightly on the arm. “You are messing with me.”
“Maybe. A little.” His gaze didn’t waver. “Will you stay?”
“But what about the boys?”
“Not a problem. I’ll handle it if one of them wakes up while you’re still here with me. They will never know that you had a sleepover in my bed tonight, I promise you.”
“But in the morning—”
“I’ll act as lookout while you sneak back to your room. It will be fine. I’ll see to it. Pinky swear.” He held up his little finger.
She tried to be stern. “This is serious business, Joshua Bravo.”
“I am well aware, Riley Jane.” They stared at each other. His pinky was waiting.
“Fine,” she grumbled and put up her own little finger. He hooked it with his.
When he let go, he said, “Now take off your clothes.”
She whacked him on the arm again. “If we get caught—”
“By a couple of preschoolers? You should have more faith in me than that.”
Really, this conversation had gone way better than she’d thought it would. What could it hurt to climb back into bed with him and steal the rest of the night in his arms?
“Look at it this way,” he said. “I know now. You’ve told me. And I will be here for you and the baby. There’s really not much more we need to deal with tonight.”
“Hmm,” she said.
He just looked at her, waiting.
She really should go. But he wanted her to stay. And if she were honest about it, she wanted the rest of the night, too. And then, in the morning, a nice breakfast with the boys…
It wasn’t a big deal, she bargained with herself. He knew now. She was no longer lying by omission. He wanted her with him tonight, and she didn’t want to leave.
He put his arm around her again. She leaned her head on his shoulder. “Okay then,” she said. “Let’s go back to bed…”
* * *
“Dad?” A small fist tapped on the door.
“Hold on, I’m coming…” Josh jumped from the bed, grabbed his Wranglers and pulled them on.
The doorknob jiggled. “Dad! The door’s locked!”
As Josh zipped his pants, Riley sat up in bed. Her hair was a flame-red tangle. She had the covers clutched to her chest. Those blue eyes were enormous.
“I’ll send them downstairs,” he whispered. “If they balk at that, I’ll go with them. Then you wait a few minutes and go on back to your room.”
She looked doubtful, but she did answer, “Fine.”
“Dad!”
Josh strode to the door and pulled it open a crack. “What’s the problem?”
“We’re hungry,” said Shane. Dillon stood right behind him nodding in agreement. “We want breakfast, please.”
“All right. You go on downstairs. I’ll be there in two minutes. Think about what you want to eat.”
“Pancakes!” cried Shane.
“Hot cocoa!” shouted Dillon.
“Shh. Riley’s probably still sleeping,” Josh whispered in consideration for Dillon’s supposedly sleeping mom. “Keep it quiet, okay?” As both boys nodded sheepishly, he instructed, “Go on down. I promise I’ll be right there to get your breakfast started…”
“I’ll get my mom, too,” volunteered Dillon in a stage whisper. “She likes breakfast a lot.”
“Hold on,” Josh replied before Dillon could dart to Riley’s door and discover that his mother wasn’t inside.
“She might want to sleep a little longer. I’ll check on her before I come down.
” Dillon frowned but didn’t object. Josh threw in a carrot to draw them downstairs.
“Have a juice box each if you want one.” He looked at Shane.
“If you can’t wait, help yourselves to cold cereal.
But be sure to leave room for the pancakes, eggs, sausage and cocoa… ”
“O-kay!” Shane replied. He turned to Dillon. “Let’s go…”
And off they went.
Once the boys disappeared down the stairs, he shut the door and turned to find Riley standing a few feet away. While he’d worked things out with their sons, she’d put on everything but her socks and boots. Those, she clutched in either hand.
“I don’t like lying to Dillon,” she said. “Or to Shane, for that matter.”
“They’re five,” he reminded her. “Some things I try to avoid getting into with a five-year-old.”
She shrugged then. “You may have a point. They don’t need to know too much right now.”
He wanted to kiss her. A lot. For so many reasons. Because she was a great kisser, and he liked holding her close. And hot damn, they were having a baby. He still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around that. Big changes were coming.
Should he be more freaked out about this situation?
Probably. After all, Shane was a surprise baby.
He’d been stunned, terrified and kind of pissed off when Lenore had laid the big news on him.
Ambivalent. That was the word for the way he’d felt back then—that he had no idea how to be a husband or a dad.