Chapter Eight
When Riley opened the door and saw him standing right there on her front porch, it took every ounce of willpower she possessed not to fling herself into his arms.
“Hi,” he said, his eyes hopeful and his smile uncertain.
She kept her expression blank. Stepping back, she offered coolly, “Come in.” As soon as he cleared the threshold, she shut the door and led him into the living area. “Have a seat.” She gestured at a chair, and he took it. She sat on the sofa. “Okay, then. I’m listening.”
Leaning in, he braced his elbows on his knees. He looked so determined. She wanted to jump up, grab him, wrap him in her arms and promise him that everything would be all right.
She did no such thing. Yeah, in her heart she’d already forgiven him for walking out and then taking forever to call. But he didn’t need to know that yet.
“It’s like this,” he said. “When I asked you to marry me, I didn’t realize how much I wanted you to say yes—not until you turned me down.
I headed for the door because I didn’t know how to unpack my own damn feelings.
I still don’t know how. And I still want to marry you.
Because of the baby, yeah. And because…well, we just work, you and me. ”
She felt slightly breathless suddenly. “Okay…”
He tipped his head to the side, frowning. “What are you telling me, Riley? Okay, what?”
She threw up both hands. “Okay, I forgive you—but I meant what I said. I’m not getting married again.”
He looked grim. “I get it.” And then he nodded. “Understood. You’re not going to marry me. And never again will I say that I’ll call and then not call. I promise you that.”
“All right, then. We’re good.”
He stared at her so intensely. “You sure?”
“Absolutely.” She stared right back. The stare-down continued for a good thirty seconds. And then they were both grinning. And then she couldn’t just sit there. She jumped up, grabbed his hand, tugged him out of the chair and pulled him close.
He wrapped his arms around her. They stood there in the narrow space between the sofa and the coffee table, holding each other tight.
She wanted to kiss him, to take his hand and lead him up to her room. But it would be foolish to go there now—and not just because Dillon was home tonight.
Things were changing. What they had together needed to change, too.
He took her face between his hands. His big palms were warm. They felt so good pressed against her cheeks, both soothing and steadying. “So,” he said. “You’re not going to marry me. What does that make us?”
She suggested sheepishly, “Good friends and co-parents?”
His hands dropped to his sides. “Great,” he said, without much enthusiasm. “I think this is where you should get real honest, Riley Jane. This is where you need to lay it all out for me.”
She gave him a slow nod. “Okay, then. I’ve loved every minute of our secret fling. But it’s time for that to end.”
He said nothing. His eyes were locked with hers, and his mouth was a thin line.
She held his gaze and willed him to understand. “It was bound to happen eventually. Right now, we need to focus on the future, on Dillon and Shane and the new baby we’re having together.”
“I’m not arguing with you, Rile. I get what you’re saying. But hey. I like what we’ve had, and I hate to let it go.”
“Me, too. But it’s time, you know? It really is.”
And for more than one reason. In the past couple of weeks without him, she’d had a lot of time to think.
And she’d had to come to grips with the fact that, while she might not want to get married again, Josh did.
It just felt wrong to go on being lovers now that they so clearly wanted different things.
For another long, painful moment, he simply stared at her. And then he dropped to the sofa. “Fine. Okay. Friends and co-parents, that’s what we’ll be.”
She sat down beside him. “I really do think it’s for the best.”
“Got it. You can stop convincing me now.” He sounded impatient with her. But then he elbowed her gently. “I’ll live. Though it won’t be easy…” And then he smiled.
That smile. It made everything better. She grinned back at him. He was such a great guy. “I’m lucky,” she said. “To be your friend, to have been your secret lover and to have you to count on when our baby comes.”
He put his arm around her then. “Right back at you.” His lips brushed her temple. “We’ll make it work.”
“I know we will.” She leaned her head on his shoulder and tried to gather her thoughts before bringing up the next difficult topic.
He pulled her closer. “Just say it. Whatever it is, I can take it.”
“All right, then.” She laid it on him. “Maybe I’m just being paranoid, but I think Lenore knows about the baby. The other day, when I picked up Dillon after a playdate, I caught her looking at me strangely.”
“Yeah.” His gaze dipped down, same as Lenore’s had, to the new roundness at her middle. “She noticed that you’re showing.”
Riley stifled a groan. “She told you that?”
“She did.” He caught her hand. His firm, warm grip reassured her. “Don’t let her upset you. She’s fine.”
“What do you mean, she’s fine? What exactly did she say?”
“Nothing that matters.”
“Ugh. It must have been bad.”
“Honestly, it wasn’t. She got me over there with another fake emergency. Then she started in about how she knew you were pregnant, and she was sure it was mine.”
“Oh, no…”
“It worked out all right. It really did. I refused to get into it with her. She settled down. It ended up being the most constructive conversation I’ve had with her in a long time.
Before I left, she looked me square in the eye and acknowledged that it really is over between her and me.
I got bold and suggested she should get help, find people to talk to about what’s troubling her. ”
“And…?”
“She said she just might do that.”
“Wow. That’s good. I hope she follows through.”
“I hope so, too,” he said. “She has a lot to work out, but we’ll see. If she gives you grief the next time you talk to her, let me know.”
Riley was shaking her head. “I only mentioned what happened with her the other day so that you would know what’s going on, not so that you could come running to my rescue. Lenore and I will work it out. Our sons are best friends. She and I have a lot of good reasons to get along with each other.”
“Fair point,” he replied. “But I’m here. You know, in case you need backup.”
She wanted to kiss him for that—in fact, she almost did. Because being his lover? It was the best. But their kissing days were over, and she intended to remember that.
“What?” He was studying her face.
“Nothing,” she replied.
“Liar,” he said, but in an easy, teasing way. “Now, what else have you got on your mind?”
“Well, we’re going to have to decide when to tell Dillon and Shane that they’re getting a new brother or sister.
I think you should give Lenore a heads-up about it first. Maybe say you’re going to be telling Shane about the new baby and ask if she has any input on that.
It would be a good-faith gesture, you know? ”
He looked at her sideways. “Lenore giving input. How could that possibly go wrong?”
“Just think about it. It’s not a big rush to tell the boys. We’ve got time yet. We just need to figure out how to handle it so that they don’t pick up any bad feelings. I’m hoping they’ll be happy that they’re going to have a new brother or sister.”
“I get it.” He seemed thoughtful now. “Lenore’s attitude matters. I just, well, I have trouble trusting her. Now that she knows about the baby, I’ve started to worry she’s going to blurt out the news to Shane before we have a chance to tell him ourselves.”
Riley shook her head. “No. Honestly, Josh. Lenore has her issues, but she’s a good mother. She wouldn’t do anything that could hurt or purposely confuse Shane. I trust her with Dillon, and she has never given me cause to do otherwise.”
“Well, that’s reassuring,” he said in a low, thoughtful tone.
“And yet you still look doubtful.”
“Because I am,” he said flatly.
“Hmm. Maybe asking for her input is a little too much, but giving her a heads-up before we talk about the baby with the boys… How does that sound?”
“Yeah. That makes sense. That’s just good communication.”
“Okay, then,” she said. “I was thinking we would tell the boys toward the end of the month. So if you’ll tell Lenore in the next few weeks that you’ll soon be sharing the baby news with Shane, we’re good to go.”
He looked at her sideways. “So…four weeks to go until we tell the boys, and yet we’re working out the logistics now?”
“Hey. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Because it’s complicated. Our sons are best friends, and now they’re going to share a sibling, and you and I aren’t getting married.”
“That’s not on me,” he said in a guarded tone.
She met his eyes directly. “You’re right, Josh. It’s totally on me. I’m the one unwilling to get married. And I do know it might be easier for the boys to understand if we did get married.”
“But…”
“But we’re not.” She felt more than a little flustered by then. He smelled so good, like cedar branches and wood shavings—and somehow, she’d lost her train of thought. “Uh, where was I?”
“You were explaining how complicated this situation is.”
“Yeah. I was. I mean, do I talk to Dillon and you talk to Shane and then we all four get together for a group hug and answer any other questions the boys might have? I just really want to do it right, and I’m not sure how…”
“Hey.” His voice was gentle now. “It’s okay…” He pulled her closer, and she let him. Because it felt good to lean on him. Because she’d missed him so much in the past almost-two weeks. And now he was here, and she was glad and sad and miserable and determined all at the same time.
Resting her head on his shoulder with a sigh, she confessed, “I really have no clue what I’m doing. I’m feeling my way around in the dark, trying to do the right thing and probably just messing everything up.”
“Riley…”
“What?”