Thirteen
Claire looks so pretty as she walks down the aisle of St Nicholas, the tiny, but quaint little church in St Felix, that I feel quite emotional.
Her dress is pure white silk, has a fitted bodice, long leg-of-mutton sleeves and a voluptuous full skirt with layers of tulle underneath to push it out even further. On her head she wears a delicate ring of flowers framing her face, and her light auburn hair is pinned up at the sides and styled in loose ringlets. Her huge bouquet of flowers only makes her tiny frame seem even smaller as she walks on the arm of her father, beaming happily at all her guests.
The pews both sides of the aisle are packed full of Claire and Jonathan’s friends and family, and it’s halfway down on one side of the church that the mermaids sit squashed together on one of the wooden pews.
‘Oh my,’ I hear Suzy say as Claire walks past us on the arm of her father. ‘She looks beautiful.’
I turn to look at Suzy, who is a couple of seats away from me, and I see she’s hurriedly searching for tissues in her bag. Eddie next to her reaches into his jacket pocket and gives her a small pack after taking one for himself, and Suzy smiles gratefully at him.
Mandy, sitting between me and Eddie, glances at them, then she turns to me looking equally as moved. ‘Can you believe one of us is getting married?’ she whispers.
I shake my head, then I turn to my right and smile at Rob, who’s sitting on the other side of me.
Rob is one of the reasons we’re so squashed up.
He came into the church later than the rest of us and there weren’t many seats left. Mandy waved him over and we all shuffled along the pew as much as we could to fit him on at the end. He had to put up with a few Hugh-Grant-based, Four Weddings and a Funeral
jibes about him arriving late.
I’ve never seen Rob look quite as smart as he does today. He’s wearing a navy-blue suit with a waistcoat, a white shirt and a blue paisley tie. Quite different to how he looked this morning up on the rocks overlooking Morvoren Cove.
But then I guess I look a fair bit different too.
I’m wearing a three-quarter-length, sleeveless purple silk dress, a bargain I found in a vintage shop in Glasgow. I’ve teamed it with long beaded earrings and a matching choker necklace I bought from a craft market, and around my shoulders I have a colourful silk pashmina that I borrowed at the last minute from my mum. On my feet I wear purple silk slingbacks – again a second-hand find, this time from a charity shop near my college. And even though I spent ages blow-drying my long hair, in the end I chose to pin it up loosely on top of my head with a few loose strands framing my face.
When Rob wedged himself in next to me, he was quick to tell me I looked beautiful, and I was equally complimentary about his own outfit.
The service seems to fly by; we sing hymns and listen to Claire and Jonathan exchange their vows. Just before they go off to sign the register, we’re surprised when Suzy stands up and excuses herself. But as Claire and Jonathan disappear to the back of the church, we realise why. Suzy appears in front of the pulpit and proceeds to sing the most beautiful rendition of ‘Ave Maria’, while the whole of the church sits spellbound.
By the end, we’re all reaching for Eddie’s packet of tissues. Rob, who has a little more room now Suzy has gone, turns to me and I see he too has misty eyes.
‘How amazing is our Suzy?’ Rob says, blinking hard.
‘Incredible.’ I dab at my face to mop up the tears. ‘I knew she could sing, but that was something else.’
Claire and Jonathan walk back down the aisle a married couple, and we all follow them outside into the fresh air again. The warm, dry weather has held for the wedding and their photos are taken in the most beautiful bright light, that makes everything, and everyone, look perfect. We all mill about outside the church, waiting for the moment we’re dismissed and can head off to the reception.
‘My mermaids!’ I hear Claire call after the photos seem to have gone on for ever.
‘Er . . . can I have the mermaids
?’ the photographer asks hesitantly.
We gather, some of us a little reluctantly, in front of the church around Claire and Jonathan, and have a couple of photographs taken.
‘Now just the bride and her friends,’ the photographer says, and Jonathan steps aside to talk to a group of his own mates. ‘Can you all squeeze a little closer together, please? That’s it, arms around each other.’
As we move closer to Claire, I feel Rob’s hand around my waist as we pose for the photograph. Then, as we all smile for the camera, I feel his fingers delicately caress my side with the gentlest of movements – and I’m pretty sure as the photographer clicks the shutter, that this photograph will capture the biggest smile I’ve ever had in front of a camera.
The reception is held in one of the larger hotels in St Felix, one that sits high up on the hill as you exit the town.
As Claire promised, we all sit together at one big table for a three-course meal, with a couple of Jonathan’s cousins and their partners, then, after the speeches, we gather in the hotel bar while the main reception room is prepared for the evening, when there will be a disco and a private bar, and yet more guests arriving.
‘It’s been a good day,’ Mandy says contentedly as we relax on a couple of sofas. ‘Better than I thought it might be.’
‘Why do you say that?’ I ask. ‘Didn’t you think you’d have a good time?’
‘It’s not that. I just thought it might be weird being back here again with all of you. I know Claire has never left and you visit all the time, Frankie, but I hardly ever come home now. Like I said to you, I should, but I don’t.’
‘I have no reason to come back any more,’ Eddie says. ‘Now my mum has remarried and moved away, other than Claire I have no ties here.’
‘How is your mum?’ I ask. We all knew Eddie’s mum well when we were teenagers. She was extremely protective of Eddie, and therefore protective of his friends too.
‘She’s really happy, thanks. Colin has been so good for her. She loves living in Brighton with him now. It’s weird, though, knowing my house is still there, but that someone else is living in it.’
‘My parents are going to be selling up soon too,’ Suzy announces. ‘The real-estate market here has boomed recently – they’ve decided to cash in on people wanting holiday homes in St Felix.’
‘I’ve noticed a lot more For Sale and Sold signs around the town on this visit,’ I say. ‘I don’t blame your parents at all for selling up if the market is good, but how do you feel about it?’
Suzy shrugs. ‘A little sad, I suppose. But I didn’t really live here as long as some of you did when I was growing up, so it’s not quite such a tug on the heartstrings.’
‘I guess it will all come to us eventually,’ Rob says. ‘Mum and Dad are happy in the pub at the moment, but I guess they won’t run it for ever.’
‘Why are you all looking so sad?’ Claire is walking towards us. ‘This is supposed to be a happy occasion!’
‘We’re not sad, beautiful,’ Eddie says, taking her hand and giving it a little squeeze as she joins the group. ‘We’re just talking about people moving away – our parents specifically. Do you want to sit down for a bit and take the weight off your feet?’
‘Yes, please,’ Claire says gratefully. ‘These shoes are killing me.’
‘Here, take my seat.’ Rob stands up. ‘I’ll perch here.’ He sits down on the arm of the sofa next to me, and I can’t help notice a few wry smiles and raised eyebrows. But I pretend not to notice.
‘Thanks, Rob.’ Claire adjusts the many layers of tulle under her dress as she sits down. ‘Ah, I can relax for a bit here with you guys. I feel like I’ve been on show all day.’
‘Jonathan seems like a good guy,’ Rob says. ‘I spoke to him for a bit earlier.’
‘Yes, he is. He’s lovely. I’m very lucky.’
‘No, he’s
the lucky one,’ Rob says, smiling at her.
‘You’re very sweet, Rob, thank you.’
‘This must have all cost a pretty penny,’ Mandy says, looking around her. ‘Is Jonathan loaded or something?’
‘Mandy!’ I exclaim while the others laugh.
‘His parents did pay for much of our wedding,’ Claire says, not seeming to mind. ‘And my parents helped out with a few things too. There’s no way we could have afforded all this without them. We’ve just bought a little house up the road, so our mortgage is huge with the prices in St Felix now.’
‘I didn’t know you’d bought a house,’ I say. ‘You never said.’
‘Yes, we’re moving in after the wedding – Jonathan’s parents are quite traditional.’
‘You don’t live together yet, then?’ Mandy asks in surprise.
‘No,’ Claire says, beginning to look a little uncomfortable.
‘But how do you know if you’ll get along?’ Mandy continues. ‘You have actually done the deed, Claire, haven’t you? I mean you’re not going into this without road-testing his equipment?’
We all laugh and Claire flushes. ‘Yes, of course,’ she whispers, looking around her in case anyone has heard. ‘And I’m pleased to say he passed his MOT with flying colours!’
‘Good,’ Mandy says surprisingly seriously, while the rest of us are still smiling at this exchange. ‘Cos, you never know what you’ll find out until you do.’
We all look at Mandy, waiting for her to continue, but she doesn’t.
‘Right, is that bar open again yet?’ she says instead, looking across at the bar. ‘I could do with another drink.’
‘Yes,’ Claire says. ‘It never actually closed.’
‘Then what are we waiting for?’ Mandy stands up. ‘I’ll get the drinks in.’
‘Do you want a hand?’ Eddie asks. ‘I’ll be asleep soon if this room gets any warmer.’
Mandy and Eddie take our orders and head off to the bar.
‘Mandy’s right, it is pretty warm in here.’ Rob takes off his jacket, ‘I might get some fresh air – anyone?’ He looks at Claire and Suzy first before his gaze falls on me.
Claire and Suzy stare at me with such force it feels like they’re actually pushing me with their eyes. ‘I’m fine, thanks, Rob,’ Suzy says. ‘Claire?’
‘No, I’d better go mingle again,’ Claire replies, standing up. ‘I’m sure Frankie will go with you, though.’ She smiles deliberately at me.
‘Yes, all right,’ I say, trying to look with annoyance at them both, but in a way that Rob can’t see. ‘Why not?’
Rob and I make our way outside through some French windows onto a large terrace which has seats, tables and sun loungers on it. From our position high up on the hill we can still see the sea and the coastline a little way in the distance.
‘Do you want to walk around the gardens or have a seat?’ Rob asks.
I look around. There’s quite a few people milling around outside, mostly chatting in small groups. A tall, elegant woman wearing a bright sea-green dress and razor-sharp black stilettos watches us with interest while she sits at a table smoking a cigarette. I noticed her in the church earlier – then she’d been wearing a huge black hat that looked like a flying saucer perched on the side of her head.
‘A walk would be good, I think. Too many people out here.’
We take a slow meander around the large gardens that surround the hotel. Everywhere we go is lit by tiny little lights set into the paths and borders.
‘Did you think when we were fifteen that we’d all be back here again when we were twenty for someone’s wedding?’ Rob asks as we walk.
‘I never really thought about it,’ I reply honestly. ‘Too many other things on my mind when I was fifteen.’
‘Like what?’
‘Oh, I dunno, my hair, my skin, my schoolwork – fitting in, you know?’
‘I don’t think any of us ever really fitted in, did we? That’s why you christened yourselves the Misfit Mermaids.’
‘ You
christened us the Misfit Mermaids, if I remember rightly.’
‘Did I?’
‘Yeah, when you wanted to join us on stage that time?’
‘I don’t remember giving you the title, though.’ Rob stops walking, so I do too.
‘You did. Don’t you remember it was after our first date, when we were walking back to my house?’
Rob doesn’t say anything. He simply turns towards me.
‘Of course I remember, Frankie,’ he says in a low voice. ‘How could I ever forget that night.’ He reaches out his hand and his fingers gently tuck a stray piece of my hair behind my ear.
‘Just like in the movies,’ I joke, feeling unsettled by his closeness.
‘What is?’ he asks, still in the same hushed voice.
‘They always do that hair thing in films before . . . ’
‘Before?’
I shrug.
‘Before they kiss?’ he asks.
I nod.
Rob leans in towards me and as I feel his lips on mine for the first time in five years I don’t resist. But unlike when we were two school kids having their first nervous dalliance with the opposite sex, we’re both older now. We’re both more experienced.
Rob’s arms move around my waist, and I allow him to pull me closer, so I’m now pressing up against his firm torso.
‘You look amazing tonight,’ Rob murmurs, beginning to kiss my neck now. ‘Incredibly sexy too. Quite unlike I’ve ever seen you before. Why do you hide your beauty, when you can look this good?’
‘What do you mean?’ I ask, my brain only just managing to override the intense feelings stirring inside my body right now. I pull back just a tad so I can look up at him. ‘What do you mean, why do I hide my beauty?’
‘Nothing,’ Rob says, obviously keen to continue more physical rather than verbal explorations.
But I don’t budge.
‘I just mean you look utterly gorgeous today, and I’m not the only man who’s noticed. You must have seen all the looks you’ve been getting?’
‘No, not really.’ That’s not exactly true. I did notice I was getting a little more attention from the opposite sex than I usually did. ‘I’m more interested in why you think I should dress like this all the time, though. What’s wrong with how I usually dress?’
‘Nothing, nothing at all.’
I stare hard at Rob.
‘What do you want me to say?’ he says, letting go of me. ‘You must know you look better like this. More . . . feminine.’
‘Feminine – really?’
‘What’s wrong with feminine?’
‘Nothing’s wrong with feminine – but women shouldn’t be forced to dress a certain way if they don’t feel comfortable like that.’
‘No one is forcing you – I just said you looked great in a dress. When did that become an insult?’
‘It’s not. But I don’t want to be a stereotype.’
‘Who said you’re a stereotype? Not me.’
‘What do the girls dress like in Cambridge?’ I ask. ‘Are they all prim and proper in dresses and white gloves?’
‘What are
you talking about?’ Rob asks, quizzically tilting his head to one side.
‘I don’t know,’ I reply honestly. I know what I want to say, but I’m not sure how to word it properly. ‘I didn’t mean that about the gloves and stuff. I just meant what I wear on the outside isn’t me – well, it is, it’s a reflection of me. Today I’m conforming because it’s Claire’s wedding and I don’t want to let her down. But if this,’ I gesture to myself, ‘if this is the sort of woman you want, one who dresses prettily
all the time, then you’ve picked the wrong person.’
‘Why are you pushing me away again?’ Rob’s confused eyes scan my face for an answer. ‘Like last time.’
Now I’m the confused one.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You’re doing the same thing as when we were at school. There’s nothing wrong here but you’re pushing me away again.’
‘I didn’t push you away when we were at school. You were all over that girl.’
‘What girl?’
‘Marnie – the one who sang with the act that won the competition. The one who encouraged Suzy to sing that night.’
Rob looks genuinely puzzled.
‘I wasn’t all over her. Yes, she was pretty – I remember that, and, yes, she could sing. But she wasn’t a patch on you, Frankie.’
As I stare at Rob, I have such mixed feelings. Part of me is annoyed with him for talking about my appearance like he did, and I want to challenge him more about what he said and why. But part of me needs to clear this up.
‘So why did you rush away to see her on the stage after we’d got our prizes?’
Rob frowns. ‘Did I?’
‘Yes. Remember, that’s when you gave me the shell, too.’
Rob puzzles this for a moment. Then his eyes light up and he smiles.
‘Now I know what you’re talking about! I wasn’t rushing off to see Marnie sing, I wanted to see the band that was performing with her.’
‘I don’t understand?’
‘The group that was performing with her was made up of a few older boys in the year above us. They were a sort of rock band – they played electric guitars and had a drummer. I thought they were pretty cool at the time. Christ, what were they called now . . . oh, I can’t remember. But that’s the reason I was dashing off so fast after we got our prizes.’
Oh, no . . .
‘Is that the reason you ditched me that night?’ Rob asks when I don’t immediately respond. ‘Because you thought I was lusting after another girl?’
‘No . . . yes . . . I mean. It’s just Mandy said . . . ’
‘Mandy? Mandy said what? Are you telling me that we broke up because of something one of your friends said to you?’
I shake my head. ‘No. Well, yes. Oh, I don’t know, it was a long time ago – a lot has happened since.’
‘The way I feel about you hasn’t.’ Rob moves closer to me again. ‘It wasn’t until I saw you again yesterday that I remembered just how strongly I felt back then. Yes, we might only have been fifteen, and, yes, we weren’t exactly a couple very long, but I really liked you when we were at school, and I really like you now. The question is, Frankie, how do you really feel about me?’