Chapter 10 Eliza
Eliza
There were muscles aching in my back that I didn’t know I had.
Hours spent bent over in the garden, digging and pulling weeds, had broken me.
I’d never even come close to working on a garden that required this level of labor, and I wasn’t even halfway through weeding.
Every day seemed to get longer and harder, with the small break of sleeping never bringing enough recovery time.
My hands were stiff, stained with dirt after abandoning my gloves from friction blisters, and now carrying calluses.
The exhaustion had settled deep into my bones, each movement slower than the last. God, I just wanted to fall into my bed, but I couldn’t.
I doubted I’d sleep anyway, not with my mind racing the way it was.
My heartbeat even felt odd, irregular, with a deep thumping every few minutes that hit my chest like a timpani drum.
It had been a few days since Jasper and I fought in the garden—if “fought” was the right word—and my mood had only gone downhill since.
There had been no more signs of the ghost, and every single day that passed showed me how truly incapable I really was.
I’d thrown myself into the labor, avoiding the kitchen and dining spaces when I knew Jasper might be there.
I was embarrassed by everything I’d said to him, even if I shouldn’t have been.
Everything was starting to cave in around me, and I’d never felt more alone.
Earlier, I’d called into my work to check in and see if they could help me identify a few plants. I’d flagged several specimens I was unsure of, and after my boss had easily helped me, he chuckled awkwardly and asked me if I’d spoken with my mother lately.
My stomach had bottomed out and sunk through the floorboards somewhere.
She couldn’t let there be a single part of my life she didn’t control, and I’d angered the beast by working at the manor.
Apparently, she had called him earlier in the week to tell him that working on Blackwood Manor alone was far too advanced for me and that he should send someone else to “be safe.” She also apparently told him that I wasn’t all that happy at Pinehurst Botanical Gardens and that I had some more important environmental work I’d rather be doing.
I’d texted her, telling her where I was and what I was doing, but until today, I hadn’t picked up a single phone call from her since arriving here—the massive iron gates giving me a false sense of distance and courage.
This was my punishment for not answering her calls.
It never failed. Every. Single. Time. I tried to distance myself from her in an attempt to actually look out for myself, and she would punish me somehow worse than before.
Dr. Lithgow, my boss, had been kind but understandably uncomfortable, and told me that if I’d rather not be at Blackwood Manor or Pinehurst, then he would start working on finding my replacement, and then he gently but sternly told me how much he disliked being “in the midst of family drama.”
I was mortified.
Pinehurst Botanical Gardens had been the one place I had been able to keep her away from—the one and only place I’d been able to have a normal life. The familiar feeling of being overtaken and dismantled washed over me. I didn’t know why I bothered to fight back anymore.
Now more than ever, my worries about failing this project haunted me. It was an impossible task, just as Jasper had said.
My hands vibrated with fury as I tapped my password and scrolled until I found her contact in my cell phone.
I was so angry I could hardly think straight.
The only reason I was even at Blackwood Manor was to secure rare plant propagations and a donation for the botanical garden that would secure my job.
I was exhausted and frightened every damn minute of my day, and now she was going to risk me losing my job no matter how well I did the job?
Why couldn’t she just for once leave me alone and torment someone else?
Irritation caused my heart to race and pound in my throat.
This was it, I was going to let her have it for once.
The phone rang once before she picked up.
“I hope you’re having a good time.” Her voice shot through the line, and I felt her irritation.
“Hello, Mother,” I said. Automatically my anger went from a boil to a simmer, de-escalating at the sound of her voice. No matter how angry I was, experience had told me she could be angrier. “No, I’m not having a good time. I’m exhausted. I’m working nonstop.”
“Child, do not get an attitude with me. This was all your doing. Do you know how stressful the last two weeks have been for me?”
My eyes closed as I tried to rein in my emotions.
“I just spoke with Dr. Lithgow, Mother. Why would you call my work? Why? You could have cost me my job.” My voice broke as a crackle of emotion surged into it.
“Cost you your job? You should be thanking me for calling him, Eliza. Look at your judgment right now.”
“My judgment?” My fingers gripped the phone so hard I thought it might snap into pieces.
“Yeah,” she snapped back. “You’re at Blackwood Manor, Eliza—voluntarily.
Of course I’m right to question your judgment.
It just proves that you have no discernment to make your own choices.
How many times have I told you about how awful the Blackwoods are?
Do you have any sense of self-preservation?
Obviously not. Do you think they care about you?
They—he doesn’t. They didn’t care about an entire town of people when that factory of theirs was leaking toxic waste.
How many times do I have to drill into your head how horrible they are? ”
I had to put my palm over my forehead before my headache caused my skull to split open and spit out my brain.
I had heard the story of the toxic chemical leak that wrecked the town of Pinehurst more times than it had rained.
It was horrible what had happened, the entire place was shut down after people in the town got sick from chemicals in the water supply.
The Blackwoods had paid off the people that mattered and after most of the plant’s workers moved away and everything was fixed, it seemed Lorreta Arnold, my mother, was the only one who hadn’t seemed to move on from it.
“I know, but you don’t need to invade my privacy and call my work,” I said with a softer tone. As annoying as it was, in her own way, she was just worried about me.
“You should quit the botanical gardens anyway and come work with me like I’ve been telling you.”
“I don’t want to—” I tried to object carefully. This was also a discussion we had too frequently. It was probably the one thing in life she had wanted from me that I hadn’t bended to her will on.
She cut me off, as usual not caring about my reasons.
“Jasper Blackwood is worse than his parents were, and they were awful. The only reason that boy isn’t rotting in prison for murdering them is because he got their money and has everyone in his back pocket.
He was evil at fifteen and he’s no better now.
It’s all hidden by Blackwood Industries.
If you can’t see the danger that you’re in, then as your mother, it’s my responsibility. I’m coming to get you now.”
A chill ran through my body at the thought of her coming to get me. “No, Mother. I’m not leaving yet. Everything is fine. Jasper has been fine. I’m here until I finish this conservatory. You should see the corpse flow—”
“You’re fucking him. I knew it. You’re more like your sister than I thought.” Her words cracked across my heart like a whip, and my mouth fell open.
“I’m not having sex with him, Mother!”
“You know I wondered why of all people he’d let you inside that place, and now I know.
The only reason he’s letting you play around in that conservatory is so he can sleep with you.
He never cared about his mother or her things, and you don’t know what to do with plants of any value.
You’re barely even a botanist,” she said coldly.
I had to sit down on the stone paver path before I fell.
It was hard to believe how much hope had to do with keeping you steady and upright.
When I said nothing in response and she could sense that she had tamped down on any defiance I may have had at the beginning of our conversation, she continued.
“If you’re going to be a slut, you should at least get some money for yourself and not just the botanical garden,” she continued.
“I’m not being a slut. We are not sleeping together,” I repeated quietly.
“Right,” she said condescendingly. “If you take some to the nonprofit Dad and I work for, they will give you a good position. Better than what we could get you.”
“I need to go.”
There was a brief moment of silence.
“One day, I hope you have a daughter just like you, so you have to go through all of this stress and pain.” Her breathing picked up until she was hysterically crying.
“God forbid I love you and want what’s best for you, what a horrible mother I must be.
I’m so sorry that you have a mother who loves you so much.
” Her crying grew louder and more dramatic.
I was still angry, and even though I knew she was being manipulative, I still couldn’t help but feel bad. I didn’t want to make anyone feel bad. I didn’t agree with how she loved me, but I didn’t think she could help the way that she was.
My voice was soft and comforting with only a whisper of irritation. “I need to go, Mom. Don’t come here. I’m fine. I’ll call you later.”