Chapter 15 #2
“How long have I been telling you to get people in to tend to that garden? Since we fucking moved into the main house and could afford it, haven’t I?
Oh, for fuck’s sake. The one time you agree to it, it’s the nicest, sweetest girl, whom you like.
” He continued to grumble under his breath, but I couldn’t understand anything else.
He was normally crotchety and grumpy but not like this.
This was something different. He was no doubt trying to protect me. But something felt off.
“What’s the big deal? I can help her. I know you said you didn’t want to be in there anymore; it’s fine.
I already told you that you don’t have to be in the conservatory if it makes you so uncomfortable.
I know you were in there when it was new, in its prime.
I’ll do it. I want to spend some more time with her, get to know her better,” I said, standing up, hoping to calm him down and figure out what the fuck he was so riled up about.
“No. The deal was for her to do it alone. You can’t help her!” he shouted suddenly. His forehead had become damp with exertion, and his arms had developed a slight tremor.
For a second, my mouth clamped shut in surprise.
Sowerby hadn’t shouted at me since I was a kid, and just like back then, when I was a defiant teenager, I felt my irritation bubble up to the surface. He was being ridiculous. I had just told him that I liked her. Now he was trying to keep me away from her?
“Is this because you think she’s going to hurt me?
Or that I’m going to hurt her?” I questioned, letting my annoyance with him ooze into my words.
I knew she had grown to be quite well-liked by all of the staff, and it had dawned on me that maybe he wasn’t being protective of me but of her.
Of all people, Sowerby knew the destruction I was capable of.
He made a face and rolled his eyes. “Jasper, listen to me. If you like the girl, she shouldn’t be employed by you. It’s not right to hold that power dynamic over her head; that’s all. Stop her work on the conservatory, and we’ll bring in—”
“No, you listen,” I started but calmed my shout immediately.
I wouldn’t raise my voice to Sowerby. “All I said was that I like her. If you had let me finish, I would have told you that nothing is going to happen between us. As you well know, I’m far too selfish to bother with anything serious and—” My voice faltered.
“And what?” Sowerby nudged, now growing calm. His gray eyes assessed me.
“And I don’t think she’s a girl I could have anything unserious with. She’s special and understanding. She’s intelligent and funny and—”
“Jasper—” he began again.
“I know, okay. I know.” I cut him off sharply.
“I’m going to stay away from her for the next couple of months until she leaves.
As of now, there is nothing between us, okay?
” I hated the feelings that hit me when I thought of her leaving.
They had no right to be as uncomfortable as they were, but it made my following decision feel that much more important.
“You’re misunderstanding me, son; it’s obvious to everyone who sees the two of you that there’s a connection,” he said, looking forlorn and frazzled as he tried to recover the conversation.
I walked past him and slapped him on the shoulder, forcing my face and demeanor into something that might convince the man that I was already over the situation. “You and Katya take the rest of the weekend off. I’m flying into New York tonight.”
“Tonight? I thought you weren’t traveling until after the holidays?” Sowerby said as he followed me into the hallway.
“I need some distance, and no one’s been out to check on the vineyard in a while,” I mumbled, heading down the hall.
“Jasper,” he called out.
“I’ll bring Katya back a case of merlot.” My jaw steeled, and I continued walking.
“Jasper, distance isn’t going to change what you’re feeling,” he said gently from behind me. I let the words bounce off my back.
Irritated and dejected, I took the long way to my room so as to avoid any chance of running into Eliza in the conservatory or the kitchen.
I didn’t want to have to deal with her. Me spending a few weeks at the vineyard would be best. Because of that dickhead leaking her photo, she was already tangled up with the Blackwood name more than was good for her, the best thing I could do was to leave for a while, get some space, get things back to normal.
Not wanting to waste any time, I packed a quick bag and headed out immediately. The sooner I got out of here, the better.
My hand stalled on the doorknob to the garage while I debated if I should say goodbye to her or not.
It’d be the last time I ever saw her. I wouldn’t come back until she was gone and away from the manor.
She’d be upset when she found out I’d up and left, especially after our last conversation.
It didn’t matter; it still had to happen.
“You’re taking off?” Her voice pressed through my ear and into my head like a silk bullet.
Shit.
I turned around, our eyes locked for a second, and I knew my stupid face betrayed me, telling her everything I couldn’t.
“Some business came up that I need to take care of at our vineyard in New York,” I said in a flat voice.
I watched her pretty eyes when it clicked. She knew exactly what I was doing, running away from her.
“Oh.” The well-practiced mask on her face remained polite.
She pulled the inside of her cheek into her teeth.
“That’s a shame; I was just getting ready to plant some of the beds this weekend.
It’s going to look so much better; I’m finally making some real progress.
I think we’ll—I’ll still make the timeline for the blooming of the corpse flower.
Leah is sending out invites for the party. It will be in six weeks.”
Her eyes held questions I silently begged her not to speak. It was hard to be distant with her when all I wanted to do was explore.
“How long will you be gone for?” Her mask flickered only for a few seconds, but she recovered it gracefully.
I still held on to the doorknob. A rush of somber feelings settled inside of me as I looked at it and not her. “For a while. Sowerby will give you my number if you need me for anything business related.” Why did I say it like that? I really was a prick.
“Ah,” she said, pulling back into herself.
Good. It was easier if there was less of her to hurt. I opened the door to leave, telling myself to run to the car before she said another word.
“Will you be coming back for the party? Everyone at the botanical gardens would love to meet you.” Her voice held a high note filled with hope that may as well have been an arrow lodging into my ribs. Yeah, she had gotten too close already.
Say something mean and insensitive. Cut her so deep she’ll be glad you’re leaving.
I couldn’t think of anything mean to say to her, mostly because I didn’t want to be mean to her; I wanted to be really, really nice to her—an odd thing for me.
“No. I don’t like parties.” I couldn’t look at her. Unfortunately, unlike her, my mask didn’t hold up around her very well.
She broke first. “Jasper, you don’t have to go. I pushed you too far. I’m sorry, I’ll back off; if you want me to stop work and leave, I will. I didn’t mean to cause any problems.”
Fuck.
My hand dropped from the door, and I spun to face her, glad when a flicker of fear pulsed across her face at my pissed-off expression.
“You see, Eliza, I don’t want you to go, and that’s the problem.
I want you to stay so I can do horrible, depraved things to you.
” I pulled myself together before I said too much.
“Text me a photo of you standing next to the corpse flower when it blooms; I’m interested in seeing what it looks like.
” Lies. I was interested in seeing the beaming, proud smile on her face when she completed the project.
My head dropped heavily. “I’ve given Sowerby the go-ahead to let our gardeners into the conservatory.
I realize you’ve put all the work in so far and only have a few more weeks before the corpse flower blooms, so I’ll leave it up to you if you’d like to accept their help at this point or finish it strong on your own.
I understand either way. My lawyer is working with the media to keep your name out of further press, but it’s hard to say if that will work or only incite them further. Goodbye, Eliza.”
I slipped out the door and closed it behind me before she had a chance to say anything.
I paused a beat. I felt more in control already.
I got in my car, left the manor, and refused to look back.
It wasn’t until I landed in Rochester that I allowed myself to wonder about what could have happened if I hadn’t left.
I told myself I was paranoid and stupid and that nothing would have happened between us had I stayed.
I was in full command of myself. It’s not like I even knew her that well.
I shook my head before putting up the partition between the driver and myself. I didn’t want to look at another person. I’d made the right decision to leave.