Chapter 16 #3
Her smile felt like the only thing keeping me from losing my mind right then.
I wanted to grab ahold of her and pull her into my arms, so there were no gaps between us, but I didn’t.
Even though we had somehow managed to get closer since I’d left, seeing her now was all the reminder I needed that I didn’t want to ever cause her any more hurt, and I knew I couldn’t do that while being with her.
“I’m going to go to bed. I’m exhausted. I can’t imagine how you must feel,” Eliza said.
“I’ll walk with you.” Things felt weird between us; it was easier when we knew we weren’t within reach of one another.
Each step we took felt weighted, charged with an electricity that pulsed between us, only adding to my onslaught of emotional turmoil.
The adrenaline from seeing my father still coursed through my veins, and I knew I’d either spend the rest of the night in the gym or at the shooting range at the back of the property.
If I’d have been a little more of a monster and cared a little less about Eliza, I would have put my feral energy into fucking her into oblivion tonight.
I knew she wanted it, but I doubted she could handle me on a normal day, so I knew she couldn’t handle the way I would ruin her while I was angry.
No. I wasn’t going to touch Eliza Arnold tonight.
My head swam, replaying everything my father and I had said to one another over and over again.
“Thank you for walking me,” Eliza whispered as we approached her room, her voice barely audible.
Her hand brushed mine, sending a current of sensations through my body.
I could see the stress still lingering in her eyes.
Damn it, she needed to stop touching me before she unleashed the monster inside that would chew her up and spit her out.
I wanted to kiss her. The desire burned within me, a raw, primal urge that didn’t care how awkward things were right now.
My history of emotional disconnection had always kept me somewhat distant, but something about Eliza broke through those carefully built walls and nuzzled against me.
Her vulnerability, strength, and understanding were unlike anyone I’d ever known.
I hadn’t wanted to come back while she was still at the manor.
I knew how hard it was to keep away from her—it was why I’d left.
I felt like a pit bull on a chain trying to keep a barrier between us.
I wasn’t a good guy, and she was easy to manipulate.
I watched her closely. I knew everything to do and say to get everything I could want from Eliza if I chose to. I knew what she craved—what she wanted to hear. If I wanted to, I could have her ass up on the bed, milking my cock in the next six minutes.
But that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to hurt someone. Badly.
“Good night,” I said, my voice rough. I was acutely aware of how close we were standing and how easy it would be to close the distance between us.
God, I wanted to. Not only because I’d been wondering how she would taste for the last few weeks, but because in my current state, I felt reckless.
I knew sliding my tongue in her mouth would make me forget everything else in my head. I found myself leaning in.
Realizing what was happening, Eliza hesitated, her breath catching.
For a moment, I thought she might say something, might bridge the gap herself as she had stretched up slightly.
But then, as if thinking better of it, she stepped back and surprised me by giving me a merciless wink with her hand on the doorknob. “Good night, friend.”
I let out a slow, uneven grin and watched her enter her room, forcing myself to turn away and not do something really, really stupid—like pushing her against the wall and wrapping her thighs around my head.
The hallway stretched before me, the dark corridor lined with memories and secrets it seemed like I’d never fully know.
I was halfway to my own room when her blood-curdling scream shattered the heavy silence.
In an instant, I was running back, my heart thundering.
I burst through her door, scanning the room for a threat.
She had told me something was messing with her door and couch, and I had brushed it off.
And security had been having issues with the cameras lately.
It wouldn’t be the first time paparazzi had broken in.
My chest spiked with a thrill. I’d let them get a few seconds’ head start, so that I could maximize the chase.
If they were smart, they’d throw themselves over the cliff before I got to them.
I would hurt them a lot more than the fall if I caught them.
As if I’d willed it into existence, a high-pitched tone sounded from my phone. Security.
Eliza was pressed against the wall, all color drained from her face, eyes wide with terror. A chair lay overturned several feet from where she stood as if thrown. “She—she— Something pushed me.” She struggled to speak. “The chair—it just…it flew across the room.”
The room was empty. I approached her carefully, my protectiveness overwhelming any skepticism. “Are you hurt?” My hands hovered near her, wanting to touch her but afraid of causing more distress.
She was trembling. “I don’t understand. One moment, I was standing by the dresser, and then…” Her voice trailed off, eyes darting around the room before grabbing at the locket around her neck.
“You said she. Who’s she? Katya? Leah?” I asked, ready to hurl someone off the balcony for scaring her. My staff knew better than to play games, but they were the only shes I could think of.
The room was freezing, electric. Something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t tell exactly what it was.
I couldn’t look at her trembling for another second without trying to help.
I pulled her close, feeling how rigid her body was before she slowly relaxed into my embrace.
Her warmth, her scent—like soil and lavender, maybe pine, but all in a way that smelled like she’d just stepped in from a forest—her sudden proximity was intoxicating and dangerous, and even though I saw no threat in her room, I couldn’t bring myself to step away from her.
Feeling her press herself deeper into my chest felt like a key unlocking something inside of me.
I had no room to think about not hurting her because I was filled with determination to keep her safe.
The feeling of something weird in the room lingered, making me uneasy. It was like a hundred sets of eyes were on me and on her, waiting…lurking. I ignored the creepy feeling, not wanting to frighten her any more than she already was.
“You’re safe,” I murmured into her hair, though I wasn’t entirely convinced of that myself. Goose bumps lit up across the back of my neck. No matter what, I wouldn’t let anything happen to her. I meant what I said: she was safe with me—if not from me.
Our eyes met, a tension between us coiling like a spring ready to be released.
I could see every freckle on her face, an eyelash that bent the wrong way, the slight tremble of her swollen lower lip, the fear still lingering in her eyes, the way her breath caught when my thumb grazed her soft cheek.
She looked up at me with so much emotion that it caused me to panic.
What was I doing? She was leaving in a few weeks.
She’d be leaving me, just like everyone left.
I pulled away.
“I can’t do this,” I muttered, more to myself than to her. The ghosts of my past—my abandoned childhood, my fractured relationships, my own emotional barriers—all stood between us like insurmountable walls, and no matter how much I wanted to, they were barriers I couldn’t get over.
I couldn’t do a fling with Eliza; I was already too attached.
I wouldn’t be okay with having her for another month just for her to leave me.
Then what? The manor was a two-hour drive from civilization, and I didn’t want to always stay here.
What if I had stronger feelings than she did?
If I sank my hooks into her, I could never let her go.
She’d know too much, be too branded into my flesh.
What if I didn’t want her anymore and this was just sexual?
I shook my head, trying to quiet the thoughts.
She was frightened, and all I could think about was trying to claim her.
This was not the night to figure any of this out.
“Why don’t you sleep in another room tonight? Would you feel better?” I asked her.
“No, I think this is okay,” she said, looking a little embarrassed. “I think I let my, um, imagination get the best of me.”
I walked through the room, checking the balcony and bathroom one last time before I left her standing there, confusion and hurt evident in her expression. I swear the manor sighed around me as I retreated into the hallway.
Outside her room, the hall felt alive with whispers. For a moment, I could have sworn I smelled Chanel No. 5 again. There was a flash of dark red, but when I turned, there was nothing. Just shadows and paintings.