Chapter 20 #2
“A stray thorn?” he said, not hiding his doubt in my words.
He was up from the bench and in front of me before I could think of what to say. I sucked in a breath, surprised by his sudden closeness as he inspected my lip. The swelling was minimal now, and the small wound from the thorn had already gone away.
“It’s nothing, really,” I said.
When he stood so close to me, it felt like my body had been struck by lightning, and all my nerves were standing on end, reaching out for him.
A commanding protectiveness poured off him and oozed over my skin, making me feel warm and tingly.
I’d never had anyone want to protect me, and by the tension coiled and ready to strike in Jasper, he was ready to kill anyone who had hurt me. Something stirred in my chest.
His warm brown eyes roved over me. His hand moved back up to cup my face and tilt it toward the light with a feather-soft touch.
My eyes fluttered shut at the heat of his hand and the intimate feel of his thumb gently gliding over my barely swollen lower lip.
I was surprised he had even noticed it, and yet now I felt like he would slit someone’s throat had it been by a man and not a rose.
“Are you all right, Eliza?” His breathy words skittered across my skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps behind.
My mind was too empty to answer. All I could think about was how good his light cologne smelled and how much I wanted him to touch more of me. “Yes,” I whispered with a nod.
For a moment, all we did was look at one another, reading all of the feelings in the other’s eyes.
Absently, my hand curled around his forearm.
All that did was solidify the waves of electricity that flowed between us.
I’d never experienced such an intense physical reaction to someone.
It was unnerving. Just the presence of him pushing against my skin was enough to cause the blood to whoosh through my veins and thud heavily between my legs.
It was embarrassing, the intensity with which my body zinged and hummed.
It was a bodily elixir that would only cause trouble and pain, but I couldn’t fight it anymore.
I needed to finally scratch the itch, to know how the skin of his lips felt, how they tasted.
Would he kiss me gently and soft? Full of control?
Or would it be a blast of power as sparks were unleashed?
The deepest parts of me were too needy to be ashamed any longer.
I needed to feel it. Kissing him would only lead to problems, but this foolish voice in my head told me that if I didn’t kiss him soon, my insides would explode like fireworks.
His face had moved so close to mine that only a breath separated our lips from touching. I tightened my grip on his forearm and closed my eyes, silently urging him to close the space between us and press his mouth to mine.
I felt his warm, lightly minty breath across the top of my lips, and I eagerly braced myself. The ache for it curled my toes with desperate need. His lips parted and I closed my eyes. Butterflies fought against the confines of my stomach lining.
Without warning, the doors to the conservatory flew open. “He’s done it! That rat bastard has had a restraining order put in place,” Sowerby shouted as he stormed into the garden. Though he didn’t touch them, the lush plants seemed to rustle in answer as he passed by them.
I stepped away from Jasper, and the three of us exchanged shocked glances with one another.
“A restraining order? On you?” I asked Jasper, completely taken aback. “For what? Because Sowerby hit him?”
“On the property,” Sowerby said with a pained look. “It prohibits any change to the manor—which includes any more changes to the addition…and the conservatory. I’m so sorry, Eliza. I was afraid he would do this.”
“Oh my god…” I muttered.
“Fuck that,” Jasper growled. “This is my house. If he wanted it so badly, he shouldn’t have left.”
I could feel the anger steaming off Jasper.
“I’m sure it will only be temporary,” added Sowerby, trying to calm him, though he looked furious himself.
“But the corpse flower—the party,” I stammered, suddenly feeling as if I were going to have a panic attack. “You don’t understand, I have to have the party—and the propagation. Oh my god. I haven’t even taken the propagations yet!” I felt dizzy and sick. I was going to throw up.
“Fuck him and her. You’re not stopping work on the conservatory, Eliza,” Jasper stated with a dangerous edge to his voice.
“They are not going to come back and turn my entire world upside down again. I won’t let it happen.
I won’t. I promise you, Eliza, no harm or legal repercussions will come to you if you continue working on the gardens. ”
“Now, hold on,” Sowerby interjected. “This is the law, Jasper, and you need to think more about what’s happening.
Do you really want to draw attention to your stash of illegal weapons in the new addition?
Don’t you wonder why he’s come back just because he heard the conservatory was getting worked on?
Right before the corpse flower is going to bloom? ”
“I don’t give a shit. Half the local police force has already seen and admired my collection.
They aren’t my problem. He is, and you know better than all of us how they were,” Jasper scolded.
“The two of them were inseparable. Either one of them would have done anything for the other. They shared so much love but there wasn’t ever enough left for me.
They put so much of themselves into designing this manor, they are probably tied to it by the devil.
If you thought for a second that they wouldn’t come back just to keep it the way they designed it, then you don’t know them as well as I thought. ”
Jasper stopped his rant near the small devil rose in the crack of the walkway, and I held my breath.
“Do you want me to pull this or is it staying?” he asked with a sharp look.
“No—uh, it—I don’t know. It just popped up, but be careful. It’s the one that got my lip,” I said as I watched him nervously.
“How did it get your lip from the ground?” His brows pinched together.
I shrugged, then inhaled sharply as he took a heavy step, smashing the small single rose, grinding his foot into the ground until it was nothing but a crimson smear against the gray stone paver, leaving it to look as though it had been stained with blood.
I held my breath in the back of my throat, unable to stop myself from looking around for the ghost of Hester to retaliate.
Instead of an angry ghost, a breeze swept in, causing the jungle of green leaves in the garden to rustle and shimmy like a roaring crowd at a concert.
The three of us exchanged glances, and I was relieved to note that both of them noticed the odd breeze.
“I thought the windows had all been fixed,” Jasper said as he looked around at the Victorian-inspired covering of glass.
“They were,” Sowerby mumbled with unease before clearing his throat.
“So, should I keep working?” I asked, feeling the pressure in my head from where yet another headache was forming. They were near daily now.
“No,” Sowerby announced.
“Yes,” Jasper snapped. “But not tonight. Please tell me we are still on for our dinner. We could both use some wine and a few hours away from everything.”
I agreed, still looking forward to dinner with Jasper and a distraction away from the garden for a bit.
Sowerby left to help Leah set up the wine cellar, and I left to get cleaned up.
I laid out one of the black dresses that Katya and Leah had brought for the business dinner. I was going to miss those women so much when I had to go back home. I chose the more professional of the dresses, not even attempting to try on the skimpier dress.
In actuality, it probably wasn’t really all that immodest, but I’d grown so used to wearing large, baggy clothes that anything without a cardigan or sleeves felt a little scandalous.
But tonight was different; I wasn’t working, and I wasn’t sitting alone in my room scrolling through art feeds.
Maybe I would wear the skimpier dress tonight.
I was growing tired of the constant tug and drop of tension between Jasper and me.
If he and I had nothing to offer each other past a physical connection, I wanted to at least know before I had to leave and would be left to wonder.
No matter what happened with the corpse flower, the party, or Hester, I knew I would be thinking about Jasper for a very long time after I left Blackwood Manor, even if it wasn’t reciprocated.
Tonight would solidify if we really could be friends after I left, though, to be honest, even as I thought the words, my stomach sank.
I wanted more, but it wasn’t realistic. He was a millionaire who traveled around the world on a private jet, and I was a botanist who liked to read in my bed when it rained and pretend I was someone else, anywhere else—even only as friends, he and I were so different.
I should have been happy with how things were between us and not want more.
Was I even capable of giving him—or anyone—more?
When I said I was lonely, I meant it. Embarrassingly, the last relationship I had been in was when I was sixteen, and that had promptly ended when I showed up at the house with him.
My mom had been so mean during that hour that he broke up with me before he left.
I was heartbroken, and my mother could only say that I should thank her for weeding out the bad ones.
That was the last time I had ever really pushed for anything I wanted.
From that point forward, I did the wild, absurd things she wanted, giving no pushback, no resistance.
It was easier for me to go along with it, never having my own say.
In my own way, I did this all to myself.