Chapter 19 #2
Shadow used his ability to keep us cloaked from detection. “How much longer can you keep absorbing all of our energies?” I asked him lowly, as we finally made it through the patch of Arcadia we’d been in for what felt like two days.
Like the rest of us, exhaustion was evident in his eyes and his slowed steps. “Honestly?” he asked. “Not for long. I basically haven’t stopped since we left the Hollow three days ago. I know we’re all spent and exhausted, but we’re gonna have to sleep and replenish at some point. Very soon.”
“I know. The question is, where can so many of us hide out at one time without being detected by Kinetic trackers and scouts?” I didn’t even mention the dangerous creatures lurking in the poisoned Arcadian woods.
“I don’t know, but there are also many injured who need tending to. The healers can’t function like this either,” Shadow swiftly reminded me.
The sound of a Kinetic-ran train blared in the distance as we entered the greenery of Terraguard. I briefly wondered how the new landscape affected train travel. Surely there were complications. Or, they redirected the tracks to navigate around the Arcadia bits.
“Fuck it,” I said, taking in the area surrounding us.
“We gotta stop somewhere to rest, eat, and replenish.” Never had I been so happy to see a beautiful green forest. Despite the other dangers lying in wait around us, I felt safe enough to stop.
At least if we came across Kinetics, it would be a battle within our comfort zone, and not some deranged and twisted creature or plant that could kill us with a mere scratch.
I didn’t need to look far to find Slate, who walked a few paces behind me.
His brows dipped low in thought as he listened to our conversation.
I slowed my pace until his stride matched mine.
“Do you have any ideas on how we can shield our essences from the Kinetics so we can give him a break?” I asked
Slate stopped walking, prompting me to stop with him.
The others behind us followed suit, confusion settling in among the ragged crowd.
Slate turned and scanned the Elementals before he answered slowly.
“I think…I might. Give me just a second. I’ll be right back.
” He took off into the melee until I could scarcely see through the bodies, where he approached Onyx.
I stood there just as confused as everyone else, hoping he’d found a solution.
I dropped the pack I carried on my back, letting it clunk against the earth.
My arms and legs felt as sodden as a soaked biscuit, and hunger stabbed through my stomach relentlessly.
More than anything, my eyes burned from sleep deprivation as they continuously threatened to close.
Shadow didn’t look much better, nor did the others. I really hoped Slate had a solution, because if not, we’d surely be swarmed by Kinetics not long after Shadow dropped his shield.
My legs began to tremble, especially now that we’d stopped moving. We’d been going nearly nonstop since the Hollow’s attack and then the griffin, and now we were all on the verge of collapse.
Shadow touched my shoulder. “Sit, Princess Gray. I’m sure Slate will have a solution.”
I shook my head. “I can’t.” Gods, my mouth and throat were so dry. “Not until I know everyone is safe and can rest, too.” I didn’t bother correcting him on my proper title, but I told him instead, “Please just call me Gray.”
“Very well, then.”
While I waited for Slate’s return, quivering like a leaf clinging to a branch in a storm, I focused on my element to check on Kodiak.
I used it to ensure his lungs remained clear of black fluid, while also guaranteeing they expanded and contracted to maintain his breathing.
He remained unconscious, and while I wished more than anything that he’d wake, I took the moment to be grateful that he wasn’t suffering in a conscious state.
Finally, Slate reappeared, the crowd splitting open for him as he walked toward me, his eyes never veering away from my own. The recent days and events had my heart continuing to soften toward him, thinking of all he’d done since his return brought tears to my eyes in my exhaustion.
A smile tugged up at the sight of him marching toward me like I was his ultimate mission, as if every step he took toward me was sure and strong.
I remembered the way he looked into my soul when I came back from my spiral of magic deprivation.
The earnest softness of his knuckles skating against my temple.
The way he looked in my eyes made me feel like I was his purpose in some way.
It reminded me so much of the way Chrome looked at me.
A soul-deep yearning that just couldn’t be hidden within the depths of his eyes.
The moment he seemed to realize what was transpiring between us as he hovered over me, he’d retreated.
I was grateful, but it did nothing to leave me any less confused by what I’d just felt.
Even after Chrome had come into my life and I’d fallen for him, I never wrote off the love I’d held for Slate.
What we had once shared was true, nothing short.
He might’ve been the first person to show me what love and empowerment were and offered me my first truly safe space, but we had been kids.
And he’d hidden so many secrets from me, so until now, I couldn’t justify our relationship having been “real.”
But on the flipside, Chrome had hidden just as much, if not more, from me in the short time we’d been together.
No matter the connection and the bond, he’d withheld so much vital information from the start, breadcrumbing me with information regarding myself and life until he saw fit that I was ready to learn more.
What I couldn’t deny was that the bonds I shared with both men were deep. And now that Slate and I shared the same playing field, it felt different somehow.
When Slate reached me, he swept his gaze over my body from head to toe, lingering his stare on my wobbly legs. He frowned. “Sit. You’re gonna collapse soon. I’ll get a water Elemental to conjure some water for you in a bottle.”
“I already tried to get her to sit, but she refused,” Shadow interjected just as I began to object.
Slate cocked his head to the side. “Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?”
I scoffed. “Because I wanna make sure that everyone will be safe first before I do.”
Slate’s face softened. “It’s safe now, Princess.
Onyx and I found a way to combine our magic the same way he and Chrome did to put up wards around the Hollow.
It won’t be as strong, of course, but my light magic will manipulate our energy sources from being seen by thermal and light Kinetics, and his thermal energy will manipulate and suppress our energies from other thermal seeking Kinetics.
” Slate then looked to Shadow. “Relax, now. You need rest and to replenish.”
I stared at him, gratitude flushing through my frozen insides. “Thank you, Slate,” I whispered, nearly choking on the words from my emotions. He’d just given my people a chance when I couldn’t. “I’m—”
Slate braced his hands on my upper arms, lowering himself to eye-level with me, sincerity and understanding shining so bright in his warm and comforting gaze.
“I promised. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always protect you, like I’ve always said.
Elementals are your people. And Chrome’s.
If he can’t be here to see them to safety with you, then I’ll do my part to protect them in his stead.
Chrome wasn’t just my cousin, Gray. He was as close to a brother as one could be without actually sharing parents.
But you—” He exhaled a shaky breath and dropped his gaze to the ground to gather his bearings.
When he met my tear-filled eyes again, pain and regret burrowed in his stare.
His fingertips dug harder into my arms, not until they hurt, but as if he had to hold himself back.
“But you? You will never know just how much love my soul holds for you. That’s never changed.
I hope Valik has the answers you need to save Chrome.
I truly do, regardless of how much my soul sings your praises.
All I want is for you to be happy, baby.
No one deserves it more than the two of you. ”
I couldn’t bear the vulnerability in his eyes, the pain, the love. I collapsed into his chest, nestling my cheek against his front, and embracing his familiar hug as I did my best to silence my sobs in his hoodie.
“I never got to say goodbye to you, Slate.” My words were muffled, nearly indistinguishable. “One day you were here, and the next you weren’t. I lost not only my first love, but my best friend.”
Slate rested his cheek against the crown of my head. “I know. And I’m so, so sorry. You have no idea how much I wanted to go to you. To comfort you. I knew you’d shut out the world when you thought I died. And I couldn’t stand to see you in pain. Especially when I was the source of it.”
With my ear pressed against his chest, I could hear Slate’s heart. It pounded so rapidly, the way it did when you tried but failed to hold your emotions back.
“Come on,” Slate whispered, sucking in a sharp breath and pulling away. “Let’s go find a spot together with a bit of privacy.” As if without thinking, he leaned down, placing a soft kiss on my hairline.
Like before with Chrome, guilt slithered into my fragile heart and poisoned the healing moment I’d just shared with Slate. Chrome might be Infernal, but he was still alive. How could I allow myself to be so close to another, even if it was Slate, when I was on a mission to save him?
But I realized after everything that had happened in recent days, Slate’s comfort, familiarity, and presence brought me the solace and fortitude I needed. Just as it always had. I had missed it so much. I still missed him.
Slate wrapped an arm protectively around my shoulder, guiding me toward a small, shadowed opening.
I looked behind me at my people. They were already busy settling their belongings and constructing makeshift hospital beds for the wounded.
I expected to find Kodiak amongst them, instructing everyone what to do and helping them to get situated, and the image of him being struck down by the griffin resurfaced, causing my heart to wrench.
Void sat at Kodiak’s side, cleaning the poison leaking from his mortal wound.
When I turned back to face forward, I nearly crashed into River.
Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen from crying, and dark circles were bruised beneath her eyes.
“I hope you’re happy,” she seethed, her fists squeezed tightly at her side.
“This is all your fault. Every single fucking bit. First Blaize, then Chrome, Orion, and now Kodiak.”
Slate tried to step between us and said, “River, now isn’t—”
I held him back. “No, it’s fine. Let her say what she needs to.”
“I saw you nearly deplete Aella after the attack. Just like you did months ago with Orion in training.” Tears streamed freely down her cheeks, leaving pale streaks behind the dirt and soot staining her native skin.
“But you said that it happens to most of you when you’re still learning how to control your urges…” My voice was barely audible as the blood in my veins drowned out any other noise around us.
River scoffed, crossing her arms. “Forget what I said. That was when I misplaced my belief in you to help our people. Not nearly destroy them! Godsdamnit, Gray! You’re a fucking ball of destruction hellbent on killing off everyone who’s ever given you a chance and trusted you.
I won’t be making that same mistake twice. ”
River’s words cut deep, digging the proverbial knife deeper into already infected wounds, because she wasn’t wrong.
All the death and bloodshed…Chrome…it was my fault.
Too exhausted and speechless, I dropped my chin, breaking eye contact with the rage and pain glaring at me, exposing me to the whole world for what I was. A failure.
“I’m so sorry. I—I’ve tried my best.” A tear trickled down the side of my nose, and I watched it plunge to the earth from the tip.
Slate pulled me against him, leaning closely into River’s space.
“You have about two seconds to turn around and find somewhere else to be before I forcibly do it myself. I’ve put down far bigger threats against Gray for far less.
I won’t hesitate to do the same when someone challenges the authority of their queen.
Be upset all you want, but you do not disrespect your queen. Ever. Am I clear?”
River’s nostrils flared, and her bottom lip trembled.
The glare she leveled at Slate said she envisioned thousands of slow deaths for him once she got the opportunity.
Her eyes shifted to where his hand rested protectively on my biceps and narrowed.
“I thought your light glowed white? Why is it now silver?”
“It’s not. Consider it a trick of light from dawn.” Slate casually shrugged, appearing unbothered, but River continued to scrutinize the light that began to dim from his palm.
“Right,” River said, clearly not convinced.
“Try to keep her from costing us any more lives, would you?” she snapped before storming away.
I watched as she fell into Void’s waiting arms at Kodiak’s side.
He pulled her into him, much the same way that Slate held me.
They had been progressively growing closer to one another over the past several months, but despite everything she’d just said to me, I was happy she had someone to lean on during difficult times.
“Follow me,” Slate said softly, continuing in the direction we had been heading before River intercepted us. “Let’s go get you some food, water, and then lie down.”
I nodded numbly, River’s words still echoing in my mind. “Okay.”
“Gray.” Slate’s voice was sharp, commanding.
“Do not let what she said drown you in self-blame and guilt. Everything that’s happened isn’t your fault.
She knows that. She is mourning. Honestly, she kind of reminds me of someone who grieved the loss of her first love a few years ago.
” His eyebrow raised, accompanied by a knowing smirk.
“We all know that she doesn’t fully mean everything she’s saying right now. ”
I swallowed, pushing past the dryness and the emotional rock lodged in my throat. To an extent, I agreed with him, but there was still so much truth to what River had said. “It’s been a long few days. I just want to forget for a bit.”
Slate’s eyes flashed momentarily. “Then forget you shall, my queen.”