Chapter 34
I don’t want to talk about it, I just want to get on the raft, and get home to safety. Well, we don’t need to talk about it, do we? Because it’s on me, I fucked up, I trusted Lockie when I knew what he was like – that’s on me. I throw up my hands. Now get me the fuck home.
We’re doing final checks on the raft. The tide’s coming in stronger today, wind beating the water hard enough to spray us from the shore. Everyone’s tense but focused, and bizarrely incredibly upbeat, because we’re getting off this rock.
But we wouldn’t be us if we didn’t have a bit of last-minute drama. It all happens so fast. Tony missteps, getting on the boat, and falls backwards. Ozzy dives in to save him, but lands on his arm.
‘Arrrgh,’ he calls out.
Oh no, poor Ozzy.
I drop the flasks of water and hurtle over to him. Lockie’s already there, helping him up from the water.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask him.
He stretches out his arm, extending his fingers one at a time, rotating his wrist.
‘It’s not broken,’ he says. ‘But it hurts. I can still drive the boat, but…’
‘But if we need someone to punch a shark, we’ll have to ask someone else?’ I joke.
‘Lockie can do it,’ Ozzy says through a pained smile.
‘My money would be on Camilla,’ I reply.
‘Sorry, mate,’ Tony replied. ‘But thanks for catching me.’
‘We’d all have done the same for each other,’ he replies. ‘And it could have been worse – one of us could have been really hurt.’
My heart sinks. One of us was.
‘You’re so strong,’ I tell him, squeezing his shoulder.
Honestly, I’ve done way less, and acted like I was hurt way more. He really has been great for us. I don’t know how happy I’d be going out to sea without him.
I go back to retrieve the water.
Lockie is hot on my heels.
‘Oh, Ozzy, you’re so strong,’ Lockie says, mocking what I’m guessing is supposed to be my voice.
‘Oh, grow up,’ I tell him. ‘At least he’s honest and decent and…’
My voice trails off as I notice Lockie subtly glance at the camera, then back to me.
Oh, right, because they’re going to keep filming us until we set off.
Honestly, he’s lucky, because I’d be chewing him out if I could.
However, when we’re off this island, and back to safety, I’ve decided I have nothing to say to him.
This whole thing has been a disaster; everything has gone downhill since he speed-dated his way into my life.
Now, I just want to move on, I want to forget about him, to forget that I let myself get caught up in his charm when I really should have known better.
It’s not like he didn’t show me who he was, before we left.
But I’m not going to beat myself up, it was the island that ushered me into making bad choices.
The dating pool here is small and he was just the easiest option – but the one that has caused me the most heartache.
Ozzy roars like a lion when he gets the motorboat engine going – seemingly one-handed too, what a babe.
‘We’re doing it,’ he says. ‘We’re fucking doing it!’
The ladies board the boat first, then Tony, then all that’s left is for me and Lockie to board the raft.
‘After you,’ he says.
I’m hoping for a Titanic-type situation, where the raft can only hold me, and we have to leave him here. Wouldn’t that be sad, if he has to stay here, on this island? I bet he’d love it.
I don’t even look at him. I climb aboard and get balanced in the middle. Then he gets on and scoots up next to me. I suppose it makes sense, we want the weight to be as even as possible.
We’ve tested it a few times and it’s holding – Ozzy broke out all of his survival training to find the right kind of vines, to tether the two together. All that’s really left to do now is set off.
‘Right, let’s do it. Say bye-bye, island,’ he tells us all.
‘Bye-bye, island,’ we all call out.
It’s odd, knowing what I know now. I thought that this season was a write-off, that the storm hitting right away would mean time, money and resources wasted.
In a way, if I have my professional hat on, I’m glad that it wasn’t.
I just really, really wish I had known. I wish Lockie had told me.
Maybe I would have done things differently…
maybe. I definitely wouldn’t have done him.
I grip the side of the raft so hard my knuckles ache.
I just need to hang on, just a little longer, and we’ll reach the rescue boat.
I’m sure the others will be so happy that they won’t even question the timing of it, and everyone will be so proud that our plan worked, I’m not going to ruin it for them.
Sure, they’ll find out that everything has been aired, but that’s what they signed up for, right?
They’re used to living their lives on screen, and they all came across so well.
I hope they’re happy, and I’m sure they will be.
I’m not used to it though, this isn’t my life.
I stepped in as a favour and, yeah, okay, if I had known, maybe I would have insisted we pulled the plug, so maybe that’s why they didn’t tell me but…
ugh. I hate that Lockie kept it from me, for views, even if it was what we both wanted. I just wanted the choice.
I allow myself a quick glance Lockie’s way.
He’s not looking at me. He’s got his eyes on the horizon, probably looking out for Simon and co.
Waiting for his big moment, his pat on the back.
He got his storyline, that’s for sure. A reality TV show gone wrong, survivors trapped on an island, fending for themselves.
And I couldn’t sue them if I wanted to, I know the contract, I know how flexible it is.
Not only does it say showrunners can do, and film, whatever they want, but it says that they can sue any contestant who gets in the way of production.
At the end of the day, I signed that contract, I’m a contestant, not an employee, and there’s nothing I can do.
I’m pulled from my thoughts by one of the vines snapping. Then another one. Lockie and I stare at one another. Well, what can we do?
Ozzy turns around.
‘Just keep going,’ Lockie tells him.
‘They’re going to snap,’ Ozzy replies.
‘It’s okay,’ Lockie insists. ‘Go, get help, we can swim back to shore. Send someone for us.’
‘We can’t leave you,’ Camilla calls out.
‘We’ll be okay,’ I reply.
They’re right. It’s not like we can board the boat, or reattach the raft out at sea. We’re not that far from the shore, and we do have the luxury of knowing that help is actually, definitely on the way.
Then another one snaps. Then another. Then the final one.
‘We’ll be back for you,’ Ozzy calls out as they speed off, his voice growing quieter and quieter by the split second.
We watch in silence as they speed off. I just need to remind myself that help is coming, help is coming – Lockie made sure of it. It’s scripted, at this point. I just need to hang in there.
The raft’s already taking on water, now that we’re not moving. Lockie looks it over for a second and then turns to me.
‘Come on. We need to swim back,’ he says.
I laugh.
‘After you.’
‘I’m serious,’ he replies. ‘This will start sinking and even in warm water you can get hypothermia. We have to get back to land ASAP.’
I glance overboard and I’ve never been so close to water that looked so deep – I’ve certainly never swum in it.
‘Come on,’ he says softly. ‘We’ll do it together. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.’
A bit rich but, as the corner of the raft starts going under, it’s hardly the time or the place.
And without a second more to think about it, we jump in.
The water swallows me whole. I go deep under – deeper than I was expecting – but just as the panic starts rising in my chest I feel Lockie’s arms around my body, pulling me up to the surface.
I take a deep breath as soon as I can, filling my lungs with the sweet, sweet oxygen I thought I’d never taste again. My God, it’s glorious. I’ll never take it for granted again.
‘Are you okay to swim?’ Lockie asks me. ‘It’s not far.’
‘Yeah,’ I manage to reply.
‘I’ll be right behind you,’ he tells me.
We start swimming. It doesn’t look all that far but my God it feels it.
We finally reach the sand and I crawl onto it like some kind of swamp monster. I don’t even make it to the dry sand before I flop onto my back.
Lockie lies beside me. Even he seems knackered.
‘We did it,’ he says victoriously. ‘You did great.’
‘Yeah, well, you would have been gutted if I’d died off camera, wouldn’t you?’ I say, never too knackered to be spiky with someone who deserves it.
‘Can I please explain?’ he replies.
‘You’ve got until the rescue team arrives,’ I tell him – now I know that there is one, and it’s headed our way. Let him try to explain, it’s not going to change the way I feel.
‘By the time I got in touch with Simon, after the storm, the show was a hit,’ he explains. ‘Everyone was glued, watching to see if we all survived – but we were never actually in danger.’
‘But we thought we were,’ I remind him.
‘And I regret that,’ he replies. ‘I just wanted to make the show a hit, and I did – we did. And it just got out of control. But that’s why I didn’t kiss you on the terrace. The only reason. Believe me, I wanted to.’
I actually laugh in his face.
‘Which would be awfully gallant of you, except you had sex with me behind the waterfall,’ I remind him. ‘Do you think I’d have done that if I’d known we were on TV? I’m beyond mortified.’
‘There are no cameras behind there,’ he says quickly. ‘And no cameras that can see inside, and it blocks the signal, so no microphones either. That’s why I took you there. It’s private.’
‘For a cheeky shag?’ I snap.
‘No, for a moment, just the two of us, where we could be ourselves,’ he replies. ‘Look, I know your ex cheated on you, and I get that, I really do, but I like you, I really do, and I won’t betray you like that.’
‘You really are an idiot,’ I tell him, half laughing, half furious.
‘You think you can fix me like you fixed everyone else. “Oh, I’ll show Cleo not everyone is going to cheat on her,” blah blah blah.
Except my ex didn’t cheat on me. He betrayed me, yeah, but it wasn’t another woman.
It was at work. For a job. He screwed me over to get ahead at work.
So, yes, thank you for proving to me that you’re just like him. ’
‘I didn’t know that,’ he says. ‘But that’s not—’
‘Your time is up,’ I tell him. ‘Here comes the cavalry.’
A speedboat charges towards the shore, with Arabella standing on the front, waving at us. Behind her, there’s a small crew – a cameraman and a sound guy. Of course there is.
Arabella looks flawless, which is just perfect when I look like this.
‘There you two are!’ she says brightly, like we’ve been avoiding her. ‘The others are okay, they’re on the way to the yacht. We just need you two and we can have ourselves a final. What do you say?’
What can I say? All I can do is force a smile and climb aboard. It’s my ticket off this island, no matter what happens. I just need to put my brave face on, get through this finale, and then I’m done. Contract completed. I can put all of this behind me.
‘You must be relieved. I mean, what a journey,’ Arabella says as we board the boat.
‘I’m glad to be saved,’ I say – I really am. Not just from the island, but from making any more mistakes with Lockie. When will I learn, eh? Now, hopefully. This is my rock bottom. It has to be.