Chapter 10 #2
She was enjoying herself and Frankie was dazzling. She was funny and witty, kind to the staff, and when she spoke about her job it was so clear to Jules just how much it truly mattered to her.
“I think if there had been a solid women’s league fifteen years ago, I would have never considered coaching at all and maybe I would have worked harder to get back into playing form after an injury,” Frankie said, reaching for her glass of water.
“But I love what I do and the role I play on the team.”
“You played in college though, right?” Jules asked, wanting to know more, to know everything if Frankie was willing to confide in her.
Swallowing, Frankie nodded. “Mmm, I sure did, at The Ohio State. I got a scholarship and things were going pretty well until I broke my leg just before nationals in my senior year. To be honest it was devastating because playing women’s hockey in college, especially back then, was the closest thing to playing in the NHL.
Breaking my leg meant missing my chance to win the Stanley Cup. ”
”Oh my god,” Jules said, her voice dropping in disbelief. “Frankie, I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”
Frankie shrugged but she smiled, though it didn’t reach her eyes.
“The injury kept me out of training camp for team Canada that year after making world championships the year before. By the time I came back from rehab, my college eligibility was over and Canada never came knocking again. My dream was always to make the 2018 team Canada Olympic roster but that didn’t happen and Canada lost the gold. ”
“They definitely lost because you weren’t on the team.”
”Oh yeah, absolutely. I would have been their saviour.”
They broke into a fit of laughter but a moment later the mood turned serious again.
“But it’s okay,” Frankie said, swallowing and leaning back in her seat. Jules watched the way her throat dipped and the way she toyed with the ring on her finger again. “Everything happens for a reason, right? What about you though, did you ever want to play before…”
A sad smile slid onto her face and Jules looked down at her lap.
“Before my parents died?” She pursed her lips and inhaled, long, deep.
It had become easier over the years to open up about what happened, but it didn’t hurt any less.
“Yeah, I did play. It was hard for my parents to ferry us both around but I loved it and then, well…”
She looked up to find Frankie studying her with a look of pure sympathy and concern on her face. Her features were soft and even in the low light Jules could still see the warmth in her eyes.
“I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about it.”
Jules shook her head and bit her lip then laughed a little bit. “Considering where my brother ended up, I think it all worked out okay in the end. He was always destined for something special.”
Frankie reached across the table and put a hand on Jules' arm. She stroked the fabric of her sweater with her thumb. “We’re talking about you. I know who your brother is, but I’m not having dinner with him tonight, am I?”
The tug, the current Jules had felt since the moment she met Frankie, buzzed. It flowed between them freely now that they were touching and it made her breath catch in her throat because no one had ever really wanted to know anything about her.
She had always been a stepping stone to something more, to something bigger and better, but the way Frankie looked at her right now, her solid and reassuring presence, made Jules feel wanted in a way she couldn’t quite make sense of.
“If you could be doing anything right now, what would it be?” Frankie asked.
Aside from being here with you? Jules nearly said.
She gave it some serious thought for a moment, seeing her life flash through her head in moments of sacrifice.
She saw herself trailing behind Cam, felt how badly she wanted so much more for herself but always pasted on a smile because she had to be happy for him.
He was doing it all for their parents. It’s what he said all the time. “This is for them, Jules. To honour them.”
Jules wanted to honour them too and if she could do anything, she would be on the ice. She would have her name on the back of a jersey that someone wore because of her and not because of who she was related to.
“I would be playing professionally,” she confessed. “I would be on the ice every day. Cam wouldn’t be the only Clarke making waves in the sport.”
No one knew that, not even Cameron. It was a dream she’d kept to herself since she was forced to give up the sport so her twin brother could thrive in a world that gave him so many more opportunities than she would ever have.
It sometimes felt like when their parents died, Jules had lost three things she loved. She was still in the world of hockey but her place in it was not the same as her brother’s.
Frankie smiled and gave her arm a squeeze then leaned back in her seat. “I thought so.”
“Really?” Jules asked, her pulse thundering, her body already missing Frankie’s touch.
Silence stretched between them for a few seconds before Frankie bobbed her head in agreement and the smile on her face shifted into something more playful.
“I see you, Jules,” she said. “And I’m going to make it my mission to get you back on the ice, I promise.”
I see you, Jules.
What was she meant to do with that?