Chapter 34
It crossed her mind to let things play out longer, to make her brother sweat for days. It’s what he deserved after reacting the way he had but Jules sighed, opening the door wider and stepping aside. She wasn’t that petty, even if the look in his eyes the day before cut deep.
He stepped inside and she closed the door behind them then walked to her small kitchen table and took a seat.
She hardly ever used the table, preferring to eat or work at one of the island stools or the couch, but given what she and Frankie had been doing on her couch when Cam walked in on them and caused all of this mess, it didn’t feel right to sit there now.
“I didn’t know if Frankie would be here,” Cam said, lingering by the kitchen island.
“She’s coming by later. Her friend’s in town and she got a little drunk tonight so Frankie just wants to make sure she’s okay before leaving her alone.”
“Ah, gotcha.”
He rocked back on his heels then took a deep breath and joined her at the table. He pulled out a chair and set it down right in front of her then took a seat and rubbed his hands back and forth on his thighs.
It was awkwardly silent for a moment or so before he blew out a breath. “I’m sorry,” he said.
The apology hung in the air between them Jules just sat there, waiting for him to give her more than just two words.
“I know that’s not saying enough,” he continued, sighing. “And it doesn’t change or excuse my reaction, but I’m sorry.”
She bit back a frustrated scoff despite his best attempt at showing remorse and glanced towards the couch.
“Are you fucking my sister?” She said, throwing his own invective remarks back at him.
It stung just as much coming out of her own mouth as it had coming from his.
Cam flinched. He was uncomfortable now but she didn’t care.
It had been years since they’d had any kind of real argument but none of their sibling disagreements felt like this.
Nothing he’d ever said or done had cut her the way it did when he’s fixed his anger filled gaze on Frankie and spoke to her like what they were doing was dirty.
“I shouldn't have said that.”
“No, you really shouldn't have, but you did.”
“It’s not…fuck, Jules…”
Cam rubbed his face, his eyes giving away the battle he was fighting internally as he seemed to cycle through emotions, trying to settle on what he wanted to say next.
“This season has been so hard and I’ve kept a lot of it to myself because I don’t want to keep burdening you with the problems I’m dealing with in my career.
I have been under so much pressure and it feels like when we lose, it’s because I didn’t do enough as captain.
And when the team wins, I still didn’t do enough.
I can’t explain why but walking in on you and my reaction…
I was angry but not at Coach Stevens, and not at you. ”
He looked at her, really looked at her, and it dawned on her now how tired he truly looked. His normally clean shaven face was covered in stubble and he had dark bags under his eyes.
Somehow she didn’t notice it until now because her brother was always the first one at practice, the last one to leave, the first person to suggest a hike or a bike ride or a double workout.
Pushing himself was part of who he is and he always seemed happy being that person but maybe his life, just like hers, had been full of changes he wasn’t sharing with her.
“I was angry at myself because I realized I must have done something to make you feel like you couldn’t talk to me, or maybe I’ve ignored you somehow since signing with this team but I’ve never been the guy before, you know?
I’ve never been the leader, the name on the jersey everyone buys, someone’s favourite player, but I am now and it’s killing me. "
"Cam, listen…"
"No, let me finish. My sister dating one of my coaches threw me for a loop. It’s definitely something I’ll have to get used to but I think all of my own issues just came to the surface when I saw her yesterday because I see hockey when I look at her.
I don’t know what happened but I just…freaked out. ”
“Hey,” Jules said, leaning towards him. “You’ve always been my favourite player, but can you blame me for not wanting to tell you?”
Because it didn’t matter which way she looked at it, Frankie was one of his coaches and until one of them moved on from the Harbour, that would always be the case.
“Given everything that’s going on, there wasn’t an easy way to bring it up. But everything with her is just so easy. She makes me feel…”
Jules stood and began pacing in front of him then waved her hands in the air for emphasis, smiling to herself as she thought of Frankie.
“She makes me feel like I matter, like I’m her favourite person in every single room, like I’m more than just a hockey player’s sister and that’s – ”
“Jules,” he cut her off. The look on his face told her he couldn’t believe she felt this way, that she was crazy to even bring it up, which is exactly why she needed to.
“You are so much more than just a hockey player's sister, I’ve said that to you so many times. And you do matter. You know I’ve never, not even once, thought otherwise. ”
“That’s the thing, Cam.” Jules froze in place to look at him and she smiled sadly.
Maybe it was hard for people who weren't in her position to understand how it felt, hard for people who weren’t used to coming second best. Jules was drowning in that feeling for years and the weight of it all was slowly becoming too much for her to carry on her own.
There had been times throughout Cam’s career where some people hadn’t even acknowledged her when she was standing beside him in the same room, times when people laughed at her when they found out she also played hockey once upon a time but given who her brother was, she was smart to give it up.
Any career of her own would have suffocated in his shadow.
“You have never made me feel ignored or disregarded, but everyone around us has. I have loved getting to be involved in your career, I really have. It put me through school and gave me a job I enjoy, kept me close to a sport that I might have given up on completely otherwise but I’ve spent my whole life being an addition to yours.
I was okay with it, for a long time, until I wasn’t.
Frankie is the first person in years to make me feel seen. And I love her for that.”
"You love her?” His question surprised her but he quirked an eyebrow and bit back a smile. “Like…you’re in love with her?”
“Yeah, you nerd,” she laughed. “I’m in love with her.”
“And you’ve told her?”
“Right after you left yesterday, actually.”
He deflated, collapsing against his seat as Jules returned to her seat next to him. “God, I’m such an idiot.”
"I would have to agree with that statement.”
“I’m sorry, Jules,” he said, “and I hope you know I genuinely mean it. I will never speak to you, to either of you, like that again. I was out of line and out of my mind.”
“Yeah, you were.” Jules crossed her arms but she could tell Cam was warring with himself over guilt he felt. They’d never found themselves in a situation like this before and she didn’t like it. The anguish visible in his stressed expression told her that he didn’t either.
“So…you’re dating my coach then. Officially. And I guess…you have my blessing?”
Jules laughed before she could stop herself and she grabbed his hand, patting it gently.
“Thanks, buddy. And I accept your apology, but I would’ve dated her without your blessing because it’s not the 1950’s and I don’t need your permission.
Plus, she’s ridiculously hot. Have you seen her?
There’s no way I could walk away from that. ”
Another knock on her door, the second one that night, came as a sign that the conversation with her brother was over for now and Cam got back to his feet, pulling her up with him.
He hugged her like she was fourteen again, a reminder that it was them against the world, but that times were changing for both of them and that was okay too.
"I love you.” She mumbled it against his chest and then glanced towards the door when the person on the other side knocked a second time. “But you’re going to have to leave now because the woman I love had a tough day at the office and I promised I’d make her feel better.”
Cam laughed and gave her another loving squeeze. She tried to tug herself free but he didn’t let go until she squirmed against him.
“That’s gross,” he said through his teeth. “But I’m happy for you both.”
When Jules opened the door, Frankie looked between her and Cam. She raised an eyebrow in silent question but said nothing. Cam stepped around her and threw one last glance over his shoulder at Jules, shooting her a wink.
“Everything good?” Frankie asked as they both watched him walk down the hallway until he disappeared around the corner.
Jules smiled then grabbed Frankie’s hand and tugged her inside. She locked the door behind them then spun Frankie around and her whole body relaxed at the feeling of her being close.
It happened a lot when Frankie was close. It was like her nervous system knew that she was safe now, that she could catch her breath and slow down for a little while.
It’s funny, she thought as she looked at Frankie, how she and Cam had moved around so much but had never settled somewhere that really felt like home.
That was beginning to change and a lot of it had to do with the redhead regarding Jules with an affectionate smile at the corner of her lips, her green eyes curious.
She stepped closer to Frankie and raised her hands to the zipper of the hoodie she was wearing.
Running her thumb over the zipper a few times, Jules bit her lip then pulled it down, revealing a white camisole beneath the fleece material.
Beneath the tank top, Frankie wasn’t wearing a bra and the sight of it, of her hard nipples and the pert fullness of her breasts, made Jules lick her lips in anticipation.