Chapter 18 #2
"You know the old saying. All's fair in love and war… and around the poker table."
"My father has an old saying. Tell me what you brag about, and I'll tell you what you lack." She shot him a look.
Jay laughed. "You know something? You're very smart. In fact, maybe as smart as you are beautiful."
His words created a burn on her cheeks that went beyond her glass of dark, earthy zinfandel and an hour of intense smiling. Her pulse quickened and she couldn't think of a response.
"I fold." She tossed her napkin on the table.
Not until the server returned several minutes later and joked about how long they'd stayed did Claire realize she was late for work.
"It can't be two-thirty already." She reached for her purse. “I promised my assistant I'd be back by two."
“May I walk you back? I promise not to slow you down.”
“Of course. I’d really like that.”
Jay guided her through the restaurant, his hand resting lightly in the small of her back.
They stepped out into the sunshine and walked at a casual pace.
He didn’t reach for her hand, but they did walk shoulder to shoulder, discussing architecture and the city around them.
Her heart plunged when her building came into view, not ready for their time together to end.
"So, this is the place?" He brought his hand up, shielding the sun from his eyes as he looked up at the massive building.
"As if you didn’t know.” She swatted his arm.
"Is it always this busy?" he asked, a flurry of people entering and exiting the modern building.
"Twenty-four hours a day. Atlas News Corp owns the entire building. It’s their world headquarters. We rent space from them."
Jay checked his watch. "I've taken up your whole afternoon."
"And I’ve enjoyed every minute."
She looked up at him. His eyes now conveyed a different expression, replacing the brightness she observed during lunch. Something seemed amiss.
"I know you’re super busy, but since you’re already late could we sit down for a minute?" He pointed to an empty bench.
Claire nodded. They sat down, a marked distance between them. The afternoon sun suddenly disappeared behind a collection of clouds, and Jay’s face fell into shadow.
"I wasn't sure you'd come today." Jay avoided meeting her eyes, instead keeping his gaze straight ahead.
"Why wouldn’t I?" she asked.
“After months of silence? I wouldn’t have blamed you.”
Dozens of passers-by moved in and out of view. Claire held her breath, certain their carefree afternoon was about to take an unwelcome turn.
"Several years ago, I sat in a golf cart drinking beer with Rob and two business associates.
We'd spent the morning laughing and joking and trading twenty-dollar bills for every missed putt.
It was a perfect day. I don't remember what I shot or who went home with a full wallet.
I just remember feeling good when Rob and I got back in my car and I drove out of that parking lot.
Feeling like I couldn't miss. Rob and I were laughing and telling stories on our way to grab a bite, when all of a sudden, he just stopped talking.
I look over at him and he's white as a ghost and grabbing his arm.
My healthy, young, best friend with a beautiful wife, a baby, and his whole life ahead of him was having a heart attack.
I drove him straight to the ER, where my now deceased wife saved his life.
It was one of the scariest days of my life.
"I remember going home from the hospital that night and feeling completely disconnected.
I couldn't quite grasp how life was perfect one minute and then totally upside down the next.” He leaned forward and locked his fingers together, elbows resting on his knees.
"The night Hope died, my world turned upside down again—only in a very different way. "
It was the first time he'd ever mentioned her name. Claire had only known her as “my wife." She stared at his hand—specifically the faint, pale line on his ring finger, trying to imagine the band that once encircled his life.
He continued. "The night we spent together at the restaurant and then back at my apartment was one of those perfect days. A day where I felt that everything in my life had come together. Then it stopped. Something unexpected happened and it made me question if perfect moments even exist."
“Jay, you don’t have to—”
"I didn't want to stop, Claire—when we were on the sofa. You have to know that. But I glanced over and saw my wedding band lying on the coffee table with the change I’d taken out of my pocket and—"
"Jay, it’s okay, I promise," Claire said.
His expression suggested hundreds of words lay trapped inside him—words she wasn't sure she wanted to hear. When he ran a hand through his hair and drew a deep breath, she braced herself for what would come next.