CHAPTER 11
Rowena
Rowena dressed for church with care. Her best deep-blue dress was clean and neatly pressed. The fitted bodice was decorated with an insert of white and flared out over her hips, accentuating her trim waist. The dress fell almost to the floor, just allowing the toes of her shoes to peek out from beneath. Her white hat was modest and trimmed with a simple blue ribbon as a hatband. She stared at the small looking glass in her room for a long moment, wishing she could do something about the shadows that had appeared beneath her eyes during the last week. She hadn’t been able to sleep much, unable to shake off the thoughts of the heartbreak that had befallen her without warning.
She thought about not attending the church, but as the teacher, she was expected to set an example of morality and piety.
But she had a more personal reason for wanting to attend. She wanted to show Poppy and Jake that she wasn’t about to fall apart because of what they had done to her. She had no doubt that Poppy either didn’t care or was glad to be rid of her, but Jake should know that she would carry on regardless of his actions.
Besides, the new preacher was arriving soon, and every churchgoer in the district wanted to make a good impression. The church had been closed during the winter, but everyone wanted to make up for it now. Everyone would notice if Rowena didn’t go, and tongues were already wagging about Poppy’s arrival in town.
A short time later, she entered the church with Zach and Rebecca. Keeping her back straight and her head held high, she made her way to the front, looking neither to the right nor the left. The floorboard near the middle gave its usual soft creak as she stepped on it, and the scent of furniture polish and old books filled her nostrils. The pump organ hit an especially shrill note as the organist started on another hymn, almost making her flinch. She saw Poppy sitting in a pew near the middle of the church; Poppy clutched Jake’s arm and glared in Rowena’s direction as she sat down.
So be it. If Jake was going to allow that mean-spirited woman to sweep into his life and control him, then he deserved her. Pain flooded her heart again as she thought of what might have been, and she wondered if Jake had ever really gotten Poppy out of his heart even as he was declaring his feelings for her. It seemed that he hadn’t.
She regretted attending church already; it promised to be the longest day she’d ever endured. She just wanted to go home, throw herself on her bed, and cry her eyes out. She couldn’t wait until school ended and then she would leave Jackson and return to Salt Lake City, where she at least had friends and family for comfort.
No one had said anything to her directly about Poppy’s arrival in town. Everyone seemed to tiptoe around her, careful not to say or do anything that might upset her, but there was plenty of gossip flying around. She’d heard it from the schoolchildren, some of whom were too young and innocent to know any better.
The sermon seemed to go on forever, and the plain little wooden building felt stifling to Rowena despite the pleasant spring day outside. The wooden pews were even more uncomfortable than usual, and the man chosen to read the sermon that day droned on in a monotone that made Rowena want to cover her ears and flee the building.
At last, the ordeal ended and Rowena rose to make her escape. But the narrow aisle was crowded with people waiting to greet the speaker, and as they waited, the chatter grew louder and louder.
One voice rose above them all.
“The preacher will be here soon,” someone in front of Rowena said.
“Yes.” Poppy’s reply was loud. She glanced over her shoulder and her eyes flickered briefly over Rowena as she stood in line. “We’re plannin’ to wed when he arrives.”
“Oh, that’s exciting news.” The woman moved closer to Poppy, clearly eager to hear more.
Poppy cast a triumphant half-glance back at Rowena. “Yes, Jake can’t wait,” she said. “It will be soon, so we’ve started telling everyone our plans.”
Rowena felt sick to the stomach and she felt as if she might suffocate in the stuffy church. Jake was going to wed Poppy? How could she have been so blind that she couldn’t see he still had feelings for the woman who’d left his life so abruptly?
Leaving the past behind didn’t work, it seemed. Rowena thought bitterly of the kiss she’d shared with Jake and how she’d believed his pretty words.
But that was all they were. Lovely, meaningless words. Not enough to build a future on. Anger surged through her heart as she thought of his callous disregard for her feelings. All it took was a pretty face from the past and Rowena might as well have been a cow grazing in the pasture for all Jake cared.
The woman in front of Rowena seemed to sense the awkwardness of the situation. Her eyes were kind as they met Rowena’s.
“Some women have no thought for others,” she murmured so only Rowena could hear.
Rowena felt tears building and wished she could escape before they fell. The woman’s kindness only made it worse. Rowena just nodded, and the woman put her hand on Rowena’s arm and gave it a little squeeze.
“Thank you, Eliza,” Rowena murmured in return, grateful that someone had acknowledged her situation.
At last, the churchgoers departed from the small building, and Rowena was able to make her escape.
“I’ll walk home,” she told Zach and Rebecca. “I need to check on something in the schoolhouse. I’ll be home in a while.”
Rebecca gave her a searching look, and Rowena realized that she understood exactly what had happened.
“Will you be all right?” she asked quietly.
Rowena nodded, not trusting herself to speak. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”
Rebecca squeezed her hand without speaking and hurried to the wagon where Zach was waiting. Rowena turned and headed for the school building adjacent to the church. Her steps were measured, and she walked with her head held high. No one was going to watch her disintegrate on the outside. It was already bad enough that she was so broken on the inside.
She entered the schoolhouse and closed the door, sinking gratefully into her desk chair as the cheerful sounds of people chatting, children playing, and teams leaving continued outside. She would wait until it was quiet before she would venture out again.
Safe in the privacy of the schoolhouse, she allowed the tears to fall, muffling her sobs in her hands lest anyone was outside. She was so lost in her grief that she didn’t notice footsteps on the porch until it was too late to hide in the storeroom. She jumped to her feet as the door opened, horrified to see Jake standing there. He looked uncertain.
“May I come in?” he asked.
She swallowed back her tears and gave him the best icy look she could muster. “If you must,” she replied.“Isn’t everyone still outside?”
He shook his head. “No. I waited until they were all gone.”
He entered and left the door open, and Rowena felt panicky as she saw that someone could come to the door and see them together, but she wasn’t going to allow Jake to see how she felt.
He crossed the room to stand before her, his face haggard and his eyes tormented.
“Rowena, it isn’t what you think,” he began.
Anger flared. “Then what is it?” she retorted. “I was forced to endure that … that woman you call your betrothed announce that you will wed as soon as the preacher arrives. How can it be anything else?”
He held up his hands. “Rowena …” he begged. “Listen to me. I didn’t want this to happen.”
Anger turned to fury. “Then why didn’t you stop it? You’re a grown man, aren’t you? You could’ve just said no.”
“It’s not that easy.” His blue eyes were tormented. “Please believe me. I’m trying to do what’s best here.”
“So that includes trifling with hearts, does it?” Rowena’s tone could’ve cut glass. “I believed you, Jake. Fool that I was. I thought you felt the same way about me that I felt about you.”
He raised his hands again. “I did. I still do.”
She rounded on him. “Then why are you planning to wed another woman? Nothing you say is making sense and you’re absolutely cruel. This discussion is going nowhere. Please leave.”
Jake’s shoulders slumped and Rowena thought she caught a glimpse of tears in his eyes as he turned away. He paused at the door and then turned to Rowena.
“I can’t tell you the whole story,” he said. “But please believe me. This was not what I wanted.”
Rowena couldn’t speak past the lump in her throat. For the second time, she watched as the man she loved walked away to choose someone else. It was almost more than she could bear, and she waited until Jake had left before collapsing across the desk in a torrent of weeping. How could she have been so foolish twice?
It was late afternoon before she finally made her way home. She trudged through the wildflower meadow, hardly noticing the colors and scents of the wildflowers that normally delighted her, or the distant mountain peaks reaching for the sky. Her heart felt like lead in her chest and she wished she could leave town right away instead of waiting for the school year to end.
But she’d been hired to teach, and the local children deserved an education. She would stay, but she had no idea how she would endure watching Poppy claim the life that could have been hers.
Rebecca looked up as Rowena entered the cabin. The children were helping Zach feed the animals, and the baby was playing on the floor. Without a word, Rebecca motioned to the kitchen table.
“Let’s sit,” she said quietly. “I have time.”
Rowena lowered herself woodenly into the chair in silence. Rebecca waited for her to speak.
“Heartbreak is horrible,” Rebecca said when she realized Rowena wasn’t going to say anything. “I know what it feels like.”
Rowena looked at her in surprise. “I thought you had only ever loved Zach,” she said.
Rebecca shook her head. “No. I was betrothed once before I met Zach. I thought it was love. I was looking forward to a future with this man. But one day, he left without warning, and I later found out that he’d met another woman in another town when he drove cattle down that way to market. I guess the attraction was too strong.”
“That’s terrible,” Rowena said. “Did you ever see him again?”
Rebecca nodded. “It didn’t work out with the other woman. Turns out she already had a husband and had run away from him. She got tired of life on the move and returned to him. So my intended came back asking for another chance.” She smiled. “It was the best day of my life when I was able to tell him that I’d met a far more worthy man and he had no chance. I wed Zach soon after that, and I am thankful every day that I did. He’s been a wonderful husband and father, far better than the other man would’ve been. What was my worst heartbreak turned into my biggest blessing.” She paused. “I think your situation with Jake is similar to my story,” she said. “But I believe Jake when he says it was not what he wanted. I think he has been manipulated into moving in a certain direction, but he’s the only one who can change directions.”
“He’s a man, isn’t he?” Bitterness crept into Rowena’s tone. “He’s old enough to say no and take charge of his own life. So why does he allow some nasty, conniving woman to decide his future?”
Rebecca sighed. “I don’t know the answers to those questions. But I do know that Jake is a good man, Rowena. Despite appearances, I think you’ll find there’s more to the story. This is so out of character for Jake that there must be something else happening in the background.”
“Jake said as much,” Rowena conceded grudgingly. “But he’s still planning to wed this awful creature, so having high and noble morals and ideals hasn’t got him far, has it? The end result is still the same.”
Rebecca fell silent. “All I’m saying is keep the door open,” she said at last. “Sometimes things are not what they seem.”
“And sometimes what you see is what you get,” Rowena returned. “Thank you for listening, Rebecca. I don’t want any supper tonight. I’m going to bed early.”