Chapter 14
Isla
I slowly open my eyes, feeling so comfortable that I want to drift back to sleep. My pillow is so warm and—
I snap my eyes open, sucking in a breath.
I’m wrapped around Sebastian. My leg is thrown over his thigh. My arm draped across his bare chest. My face is tucked into the curve of his neck, where I can feel his pulse beating steady and strong.
Oh, my goodness!
I freeze, not daring to move. Not daring to breathe.
He’s still asleep. His chest rises and falls in a slow, deep rhythm. The steady sound of his breathing fills the small space beneath the floorboards.
Are the guards still here? Is it still nighttime? I feel well-rested, so I don’t think it is. I let my eyes move around the room until going back to the big fae beneath me. I can see clearly. Sunlight streams in through the floorboards above.
Not night, then.
His chest is bare. He’s all muscle. His abs are clearly defined, each ridge and valley carved to perfection, even fully relaxed in sleep. His arms are thick with muscle. Even his forearm, which is lying across me.
The eclipse marking on his chest seems to shimmer, the golden sun surrounded by swirling darkness. I’ve never seen anything like it.
My eyes travel upward to his face. His thick, dark eyelashes fan across his cheeks. They’re impossibly long for a man. His jaw is strong, covered in dark stubble that makes him look rugged and dangerous.
His lips are full and slightly parted as he sleeps.
Once again, heat pools low in my belly.
No!
I don’t want to feel this way. Certainly not for him. I don’t want to be in this precarious position. What if he thinks I did this on purpose to try to sway him to trust me? To take me with him.
I didn’t.
I wouldn’t.
I’ve decided that I don’t want to travel with him anymore. I’ll be fine on my own.
His hand rests on my hip, large and warm, like he pulled me against him. Yes, I think that’s what happened.
I swallow hard.
Kakara help me.
I need to move. This is wrong and completely inappropriate. My heart is beating so hard I’m sure it’ll wake him.
I start to pull away, moving slowly and carefully, trying to slip out of his hold without waking him.
Please…stay asleep. Please.
Carefully…carefully.
Just when I think I’m in the clear, his fingers tighten on my hip, and he holds me in place.
I freeze again.
His breathing changes.
No, no, no.
Please.
His eyes open slowly. For a moment, he just looks at me, his gaze unfocused with sleep.
Then awareness floods his expression.
He sucks in a sharp breath and releases me, practically throwing himself to the far edge of the mattress. He sits up so fast he nearly hits his head on the low ceiling.
“I—” He runs a hand through his hair. “I apologize. Julienne and I decided it would be best if we rested before heading out. I didn’t mean to…” He gestures between us, his cheeks flushing slightly. “That is, I didn’t intend for us to… It…”
Good. At least he isn’t blaming me, which is what I expected to happen.
I sit up, shaking my head.
“It’s fine,” I tell him. “No harm done.”
He nods, but he won’t quite meet my eyes. The tension in the small space is suffocating.
Before either of us can say anything more, there’s movement above us. Footsteps cross the floor.
The animal skin is pulled aside, and the trapdoor opens. Julienne’s kind face appears in the opening, backlit by the soft light of morning.
“Good, you’re both awake,” she says with a warm smile. “Come on up. I’ve laid out some breakfast.”
I climb the ladder first, grateful for the excuse to put distance between Sebastian and me.
The cabin smells of fresh bread. Sunlight streams through the windows, making me blink.
Sebastian climbs out, closing the trapdoor and replacing the skin.
My gaze drifts to the table, where Julienne has laid out bowls. There’s cheese, fruit, and a pot of honey.
“I thought you both might like some fresh clothing,” Julienne says, gesturing to two neatly folded piles on a chair. “They’re simple, but clean and should fit well enough.”
“Thank you,” I tell her, looking down at my torn, dirty costume. The sequins that once sparkled now look dull and sad. “I would love a chance to wash first, if that’s possible.”
“Of course!” Julienne’s eyes light up. “Actually, I know just the place. There’s a secret alcove down by the river, not far from here. It’s completely hidden from the road. Very private.” She pauses, looking between Sebastian and me. “I am sure you would both like to go.”
My cheeks heat at the thought of bathing anywhere near Sebastian. His eyes move to mine, where they lock.
I can barely catch my breath. It’s like all the air has left the cabin all of a sudden.
I swallow thickly.
“Come to think of it, I could use a good wash. We can go first, Isla. Sebastian can go once we ladies are finished,” Julienne tells me.
I have to hold back a sigh of relief.
“That sounds perfect.” Sebastian nods.
“Wonderful!” Julienne claps her hands together. “Sebastian, you should come with us now so that you’ll know where the alcove is. Then I’ll need you to stand guard at the cabin just in case any guards come this way. You’ll know because the bells will ring. We will do the same for you.”
“That is a good plan. Lead the way,” Sebastian says to Julienne.
We follow her out of the cabin and down a narrow path that winds through thick brush. The morning air is cool, carrying the scent of pine and earth.
The path opens up to a small clearing beside the river.
It’s absolutely beautiful. Tall reeds grow along the water’s edge, swaying gently in the breeze.
Smooth stones line a small pool where the river eddies, creating a natural bathing spot.
Overhanging willows provide shade and privacy, their long branches trailing in the water like green curtains.
The water itself is crystal clear, reflecting the blue sky above. There are smooth pebbles and rocks on the bottom, along with small fish darting between them.
“This is perfect,” I say, a smile playing on my lips. I can’t wait to get in.
“I thought you’d like it,” Julienne says with a smile. She turns to Sebastian. “You should go back to the cabin now. Listen for the bells. If any ring, you need to alert us immediately. Don’t wait. We will not be long.”
Sebastian nods once. His eyes find mine for a brief moment before he turns and heads back up the path.
I watch him go, unable to stop myself from admiring the way he moves. The breadth of his shoulders and his confident stride.
“Come on, dear,” Julienne says, pulling me from my thoughts. “Let’s get you cleaned up. We shouldn’t dally.”
She produces soap from a small basket she’d brought, along with strips of linen that must serve as towels. She has a chemise in her hand, which she holds out to me. “I didn’t think you had one under there.” She uses her head to point to my costume, which is tight.
“I don’t.” I shake my head.
She quickly strips down to her undergarments. “I’ll go in first.” She turns and walks toward the pool.
I quickly pull my costume and tights from my body, dropping them on the floor, pulling the chemise over my head. Then I hurry in after her.
The water is shockingly cold when we first step in. I gasp, gooseflesh rising on my arms.
“It takes a bit of getting used to,” Julienne says with a laugh. “But you’ll warm up soon enough.”
She’s right. After a few moments, my body adjusts. It feels wonderful.
We wade deeper until the water reaches my waist. Julienne hands me the soap, and I begin scrubbing my arms, my face, my neck. The soap smells of lavender.
“I’m sorry,” Julienne says suddenly.
I look up from washing. “For what?”
“That Sebastian doesn’t trust you. That he feels he has to send you away.
That he has been hard on you after you helped him so selflessly.
” Her eyes are kind but sad. “I think that I am a good judge of character. My gut has never let me down. I think he is wrong in his fear. I tried to talk to him about it last night. Suggested that you two could work together…travel together for a time. But he’s determined that you go your separate ways. ”
My throat tightens. I duck my head, focusing on scrubbing my arms.
I sigh.
“I understand why he doesn’t trust me,” I manage. “I’m a stranger. He has no reason to believe I’m not working for the queen. He has every reason to be suspicious. It will serve him well in the long run.” It still stings.
“But you’re not working for the queen at all,” Julienne says.
“Of course not.” I shake my head. “I just…” My voice hitches a little. “I did what I thought was right. I saw that he needed help, and I helped him. And now I’m going to pay for it for the rest of my life.”
The tears start to well before I can stop them. I blink them away. I can’t afford to cry. Tears won’t help me.
“I’m sorry.” I blink some more. “I don’t mean to be dramatic.”
“Don’t apologize,” Julienne says. She wades closer, placing a hand on my shoulder. “You have every right to be upset. You risked everything for him. And he’s repaying you by sending you away alone.”
“I’m sure by now that I have a bounty on my head,” I whisper.
“The shadowfae saw me. They know who I am. I will have to stay far away from the courts. It will be tough to make a living. I’ll be hunted.
” My breathing becomes unsteady. “Part of me wishes I’d never helped him.
That I’d just stayed in my tent and minded my own business.
” But even as I say it, I know it’s not true.
My shoulders slump. “I had to do it. Not just for me but for the good of the people. For all of us. She’s on her way here, and she planned on killing him.
Sebastian has to live for the good of the realm.
It’s as simple as that.” But even as I say it, I know that I didn’t just help him for the realm.
I helped him because of that sliver of a connection we had.
Because I felt that broken part of him that he doesn’t let anyone see.
“You did the right thing, even if it cost you,” Julienne says. “That’s all that matters. A resourceful young lady like you will land on her feet. I know you will.”
I nod, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.
We continue washing in silence for a few moments. I dunk my head under the water, letting the cold shock chase away any thoughts of tears. When I surface, Julienne is watching me with a thoughtful expression.
“Do you know anything about the Shadowfae Royals?” she asks. “About their history? About Sebastian’s past?”
I wring out my hair, considering the question. “Some things. My mother was half shadowfae. She told me stories.” I pause. “I know Sebastian lost his parents at an early age. That they were murdered in cold blood.”
Julienne nods. “It greatly affected him. And rightly so. The way they died… No wonder Sebastian struggles with trusting others. Don’t take this personally because it isn’t. It isn’t you…” she trails off, her expression darkening.
“What happened?” I ask.
“He was only ten summers at the time. It was his nursemaid who did it. She stabbed them as they slept. This information was never divulged. Almost everyone at the court thought it was an outsider and that his nursemaid was also killed during the attack.”
“How terrible!”
“Sebastian loved his nursemaid almost as much as his own mother. It was a great shock. She was kind and sweet.”
“Why did she do it?” I ask, my voice laced with shock.
“No one will ever know. The guards cut her down. In one sweep, Sebastian lost everyone who was closest to him. Someone he loved was responsible. He had to grow up almost overnight. His uncle took over his care, but Lysander is not the nicest man.” She shakes her head.
“Sebastian became king at only sixteen summers, less than six summers after his parents both died. He had the weight of a kingdom on his shoulders at such a young age. Now he has the weight of a realm.”
“I can’t imagine how he must feel.” It does explain a few things.
“That is why it is important—”
Before she can say anything more, Sebastian appears through the willows, moving fast. His face is tight.
“Two of the bells are ringing,” he tells us. “Someone is coming.”
My heart lurches into my throat. I look down at myself.
I start to wade toward the shore, my hands instinctively moving to cover myself because my chemise is soaked through. There is no time for modesty.
“We have to hurry,” Julienne says in a rush. “You’ll never make it back to the cabin and down into the hiding place before they arrive,” she whispers.
“What do we do?” I whisper back, panic rising in my chest.
“You need to hide here. In the water.” Julienne points to a thick patch of reeds growing near the edge of the pool.
“Both of you. Go in there. There’s an open part deep in the thick section.
Crouch down low and stay absolutely silent.
I’ll handle whoever’s coming. Take her clothes.
” Julienne points at my costume on the ground.
Sebastian picks it up, crushing it in his hand, and then he looks at me, and our eyes lock. After a beat, he wades into the water, making straight for me. For just a moment or two, I forget about the danger closing in.
Heat flares inside me despite the chill of the water. Despite the danger. Despite everything.
I hate how affected I am by him.
I should hate him, but I don’t.