Chapter 18
Isla
I finish my last bite of dinner and push my plate away. My mind keeps drifting to Sebastian, wondering where he is now. If he’s made it past the patrols. If he’s safe.
Across the table, Julienne hasn’t touched her food at all. She stares at her bowl like she’s forgotten what it’s for, her fingers drumming a rhythm against the wooden table. Every few moments, her gaze drifts to the door, then to the windows, then back to her untouched stew.
“Julienne?” I venture. “Are you alright?”
She startles, her hand jerking. Her elbow catches the edge of her cup, sending it tumbling. Water splashes across the table, soaking into the wood.
“Oh!” She jumps up, grabbing a cloth. “I’m sorry. I’m so clumsy tonight.”
She dropped a spoon earlier.
I help her mop up the water, studying her face. There are lines of worry etched around her eyes that weren’t there earlier. She’s distracted, and I’m pretty sure I know why. Perhaps it had something to do with why Sebastian wanted to speak with her alone.
This horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach keeps getting worse.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You haven’t eaten anything.” I gesture toward her bowl.
“I’m not very hungry.” She wrings out the cloth, sighing. “It’s been a long day, and I’m worried about Sebastian. I can tell you feel the same.”
I nod, accepting her explanation, even though I can tell there’s more to it. Something is eating at her.
But if she doesn’t want to tell me, I won’t push.
We finish cleaning up in silence. Julienne drops the spoon again, and when she tries to put away a bowl, she nearly misses the shelf entirely. I catch it before it can fall.
“Thank you,” she murmurs.
By the time we’re ready for bed, exhaustion has seeped into my bones.
I’m just pulling the rug from the trapdoor when one of the bells starts ringing.
Julienne and I lock eyes.
“Go,” she whispers urgently. “Quickly!”
I open the trapdoor and lower myself down the ladder. Julienne closes it and pulls the animal skin back in place before moving away.
I wait…and wait some more.
I crouch in the darkness, straining to hear. My breathing sounds too loud in the confined space. I force myself to slow it, to quiet it.
There’s the thunder of hooves. Someone is approaching fast and hard.
Sebastian?
No, it can’t be.
The horse whinnies as it approaches, the sound high and distressed. One of Julienne’s horses in the barn answers with a softer call. Then the other answers too, with a louder whinny.
The hoofbeats stop suddenly. Right near the barn, from the sound of it.
My pulse races. Is it Sebastian? Has he come back?
Or is it guards?
I press my back against the earthen wall, making myself as small as possible.
The cabin door opens, and someone runs across the wooden floor right above me. Then the trapdoor lifts.
Julienne’s face appears, pale and stricken. “It’s Nox,” she says, her voice tight. “Sebastian’s horse. He’s come back on his own. There is no sign of Sebastian.” She reaches down to help me up. “Come on. Quickly.”
I climb out, and we rush to the door together. Julienne grabs a lantern, since it’s pitch-black outside. Near the barn entrance stands Nox, his sides heaving, his coat dark with sweat.
The horse is still fully tacked. Saddle in place. Reins trailing on the ground. But no rider.
“Oh no,” Julienne breathes. Her hands fly to her mouth. “Oh no, no, no. This can’t be happening. They have him, Isla. They have Sebastian, and the queen will be here tomorrow.”
Nox’s eyes are wide, the edges white with fear. He prances, flicking his head, nickering.
I approach him slowly, speaking in soothing tones. “Easy, boy. Easy.”
He tosses his head again but doesn’t shy away. I catch the reins, stroking his neck. His coat is damp and hot beneath my palm. Mud cakes his legs up to his knees. He must have been running hard. He quietens down under my touch.
“That’s it…easy.”
His nostrils flare as he tries to catch his breath.
“Something happened to Sebastian,” Julienne says, her voice rising with panic. “I knew it. I knew something was wrong. He was acting so strangely before he left.” She starts pacing, wringing her hands. “I should have tried harder to stop him from going on such a fool’s errand.”
I run my hands over Nox’s flanks, checking for injuries. The horse seems unharmed, just exhausted. “What do you mean he was acting strangely?”
Julienne stops pacing to look at me. “He gave me a letter and told me to give it to General Belen if he…if…” Her face crumples, and tears well in her eyes. “If anything happened to him.” The tears spill over.
“He might have fallen or…” I start to say.
She shakes her head. “I doubt it. Sebastian started riding almost before he could walk. There’s more to this.”
“One of the waterskins is missing,” I note, checking the saddle. “And his oilskin coat. This saddlebag looks emptier than the other. Maybe this was part of his plan.”
Julienne frowns and shakes her head. “His plan was to find the other Lost Kings.” There’s no conviction in her voice. “He’s probably wearing the coat, since it’s getting cold. From the look of Nox’s legs, he made it out of the court. What then? Why is the horse back? Where is the king?”
“I wish I knew.”
Julienne’s face crumples. “I’m sure something happened to him. Maybe the guards caught him. Maybe he’s hurt somewhere.” She looks at me with desperation in her eyes. “I wish there was something we could do to help him.”
For a moment, I’m tempted. The worry I see in Julienne’s face mirrors what I feel in my chest. Despite everything, I don’t want Sebastian to be hurt or captured. I consider dressing and trying to track Sebastian, but quickly set the thought aside.
I have to think of myself and my future. I tried to help Sebastian once before, and look where it got me.
“He said he had a plan. Maybe this is part of that plan.” I’m grasping at straws, but it’s all I have.
“How can you say that? He needs a horse and supplies. He won’t survive otherwise. Or are you saying it was his plan to be captured?”
“I don’t know. He made his choice,” I say, my voice hardening. “There’s nothing either of us can do.”
“But—”
“No.” I shake my head. “There is nothing we can do for him. We tried to dissuade him. If he’s in trouble, he’ll have to get himself out of it.”
Julienne looks stricken, but she doesn’t argue.
I start unsaddling Nox, my movements sharp. “I wish I could help him, but I can’t.”
“No, of course not.”
I need to think of myself from now on. I have to.
I pull the saddle off and set it on the ground. I lead Nox into his stall, unbuckle the bridle, and slide it off his head.
“You’re right. I wish to the gods that there was something we could do, but we can’t. It’s up to him now,” Julienne says, fresh tears sliding down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry. I really hope he got away.” A lump forms in my throat.
“Me too.” Julienne makes a sobbing noise as she turns away.
I harden myself to the emotions inside of me.
I need to escape this court. I need to think of myself. Sebastian didn’t want my help, so he isn’t going to get it.
I have to pray that this isn’t what it looks like. That he is safe.