Chapter 35
Isla
I peel another tuber, placing it in the wooden bowl in front of me. I’ve almost peeled a whole bowl full.
“Do you want something else to do instead of peeling?” Ankinar asks me. She’s an older female with bright, smiling eyes.
“This is perfect.” I smile at her before picking up another tuber.
The work is simple and repetitive, and exactly what I need right now. Something to do with my hands. Something to keep my thoughts from drifting to the one place I don’t want them to go.
Shifterfae females move around the enormous wooden table at its center, carrying platters and baskets and clay bowls.
The table itself is ancient, scarred with knife marks and burns, its surface wide enough for ten women to work on either side without knocking elbows.
Haunches of venison and boar are laid out in thick slabs, waiting to be butchered and spiced.
Whole birds are plucked and glistening. They sit in rows beside bundles of wild herbs.
There are baskets overflowing with dark berries, golden pears, and some kind of red fruit I have never seen before.
Stone pots bubble over fires set into alcoves along the far wall, filling the space with the rich scent of bone broth and roasted root vegetables.
I am stationed near the end of the table next to Ankinar, who showed me how to peel the tubers properly. I am slower, clumsier, but she nods when I get it right and clicks her tongue when I take too much flesh off with the skin.
Movement catches my eye. It’s Terra, she’s walking along the far side of the table. She stops next to a tall male, their heads close together. The male has dark markings running down both arms and across his shoulders.
“Terra,” I call out, putting down the blade.
She looks up. Her eyes find mine across the bustle of the hall, and she lifts her chin in acknowledgment. I wipe my hands on the cloth draped over my shoulder and make my way around the table toward her.
“Isla.” She greets me with a nod when I reach her. The male she was speaking with gives me a brief look, then moves off without a word. “How is it going with the preparations? You can go and rest a while if it gets too tiring.”
“I’m fine. I needed something to keep me busy.”
“That I understand.” She studies me for a beat.
“Can I have a private word with you?” I ask, glancing at the shifterfae working nearby.
Terra tilts her head. “Of course.”
We move away from the table toward a quieter section of the hall where stacks of firewood are piled against the stone wall. The noise of the preparations fades to a low hum behind us. A few shifterfae pass by, but none pay us any attention.
I lower my voice. “Do you have any black bark? Or know where I can get some?”
Terra’s brow lifts. “Black bark?” She makes a face, her nose wrinkling. “That is the foulest-tasting tea I have ever had. It’s like chewing on burned leather soaked in bile. Why in the name of Kakara would you want black bark?”
My stomach sinks. Doesn’t she know?
“It’s to prevent pregnancy,” I tell her.
Terra goes still.
“Sebastian and I were careless,” I continue, forcing the words out. “We didn’t think, and now I need to take it. To make sure that my womb doesn’t quicken with life.”
There is no judgment in Terra’s expression.
“We don’t use black bark here,” she says after a moment.
“Shifterfae know from scent whether we are nearing or in our fertile cycle. Our body tells us.” She pauses, thinking.
“I wasn’t paying close attention, but I don’t recall picking up fertility on you.
” Her nose twitches as she takes a breath near me.
“No, I don’t think you were fertile, and I don’t think you are nearing your fertile period either.
But I am not certain enough to stake your future on it.
You are a hybrid, so perhaps it is different with you. ” She shrugs.
“I don’t want to take the risk either. I do not like the idea of raising a child alone. What should I do now? You said you don’t have any. It is important that I start taking it. The sooner the better.”
“We don’t have any here, but I know where a grove of black bark trees grows.”
I sigh in relief.
“I’ll have it for you by nightfall. The trees grow in the lower valleys. It won’t be difficult to find.”
“Thank you, Terra. I would be very grateful.”
She waves me off. “It’s nothing.”
“Please bring enough for me to drink the tea twice a day for a week.”
“I don’t envy you.” She wrinkles her nose.
“It isn’t so bad when taken with honey.”
“If you say so.” Then she crosses her arms and regards me with that look. “Have you made up your mind yet about staying? If you have more questions—”
Before she can say anymore, a ripple of murmurs sweeps through the hall.
We both turn.
The chatter drops to low whispers that spread from one end of the table to the other like wind through tall grass.
Sebastian has walked in.
He fills the entrance, his dark hair pushed back from his face. He is dressed in the borrowed clothing, the dark tunic pulled tight across his broad chest. His eyes scan the room.
Terra makes a sound beside me. Something between a laugh and a hum. “We’ll talk later,” she says.
I don’t respond. I can’t.
My eyes find his across the length of the hall. He is already looking at me. His jaw is set. His mouth is a hard line.
He walks toward me. The shifterfae part for him without being asked, stepping aside as he moves between them. A few of the females watch him pass with open curiosity. One of them sniffs the air and nudges the female beside her.
Another stands and makes a purring noise, which he ignores.
Sebastian stops in front of me. Close enough that I have to tip my head back to hold his gaze.
“Isla.”
“Sebastian.”
The space between us is charged. Neither of us moves.
“I need a quick word.” His voice is gruff.
“Does this mean you believe me?” I ask. There is no point in dancing around it. We are past that.
His expression doesn’t change. “Does it even matter?”
It does to me, so his words sting.
“We’re going our separate ways regardless. This makes it easier,” he adds, his voice devoid of emotion.
“It would have been nice if we could end this as friends,” I tell him.
He laughs. It is short and hollow. “We’re way past that, Isla.” He drops his voice. “I heard that the shifterfae are going to invite you to stay here. Don’t do it.” He shakes his head. “I came to warn you against it.”
“I don’t need to be warned. They’re good people,” I tell him.
Sebastian takes my arm and steers me away from the main table, away from the dozens of ears that are no doubt straining to hear every word.
We end up in an alcove off the main hall, partially hidden by a thick wooden support beam.
The light here is muted, the air cooler. He walks me in a little deeper.
“You’ve spent one night in their court,” he says, keeping his voice low. “You’re hardly an expert on their behavior.”
“I’ve always liked animals,” I tell him.
“Animals are more often than not better than people or fae. The shifterfae are very animalistic in their ways, even in their fae form. They’re straight and to the point.
They don’t hide things. They don’t pretend.
What you see is what you get. I don’t need more time to see it. I like them.”
His jaw twitches, so he clenches it.
“You—” he starts to say, but as if to prove me right, a male and female come tearing past us down the corridor, laughing.
The male is faster. He catches the female by the strip of hide around her waist and yanks it free so that she is completely bare.
She lets out a shriek of delight and runs for a few more strides.
He catches her, shoving her up against the wall.
She laughs.
He lifts her, and she wraps her legs high around his waist. He drives into her, and her cry rings off the stone.
Her hands rake down his back, fingers digging into the muscle there.
They are half-hidden by the shadows, but there is no question about what is happening.
The male’s body moves in a hard, driving rhythm, and the female’s cries grow louder with each thrust.
I swallow. My mouth has gone dry.
Heat spreads through me, low and insistent, pooling between my thighs. My eyes slide to Sebastian before I can stop them. I think of his hands on me. The weight of him. The way he took me to heights I didn’t know existed. The way I shattered in his arms.
He is looking at me. His eyes are blazing. They drop to my chest for the briefest of moments before snapping back up to my face.
I am breathing too fast, the tunic straining against my breasts. I think my nipples are hard.
The moans grow louder. There is a slapping of flesh against flesh.
Sebastian grabs my hand. His fingers close around mine, and he pulls me away, moving down the corridor in the opposite direction, away from the couple.
We don’t stop until we find a small alcove near a set of carved steps that lead deeper into the mountain.
It is quiet here. The sounds from the great hall are distant, and the couple’s cries have faded, the goddess be thanked.
I pull my hand free.
Sebastian is breathing harder than the walk warranted.
“That is exactly what I mean,” I say, pointing back the way we came.
“Unabashed openness about who and what they are. If the shifterfae had wanted your parents dead, they wouldn’t have hidden it.
They wouldn’t have used a knife or a spear.
They would have done it in their animal form.
I don’t know exactly how your parents were killed, but I’m sure it wasn’t an animal attack. ”
Something moves behind his eyes. Something raw and exposed that he buries almost immediately.
“My parents were cut down by a human,” he says.
The words sit between us. Heavy and terrible.
“I know and I’m so very sorry,” I whisper. After a brief pause, I go on. “Surely you understand where I’m coming from? I don’t think the shifterfae are bad. I don’t think they wronged you or your people. Perhaps I’m speaking out of turn.”
“You sound just like Kilara.” He folds his arms. “She is the Drakar standing in for her brother, who is still lost.”
“You have to admit there is truth in what she said.”
“There is truth there,” he allows. His jaw works. “But it doesn’t mean that I trust them. Or that I am fully convinced of their innocence. Because I’m not.”
Of course not. Trust is not a currency Sebastian trades in.
“I will work together with them out of necessity, but I do not trust them at all,” he continues.
His voice hardens. “Don’t stay here, Isla.
Don’t put your life at risk to help them.
They want half-breeds at the front line of this war.
Half-breeds who will die there because war means death. You saw that for yourself.”
“We need to be at the front line…all of us. As many as we can find.”
“You’ll die.”
“We’ll all die if we don’t stand against her.” My voice rises before I can rein it in. “Why do you even care? According to you, I work for Snow. So there is nothing to worry about.” Frustration and irritation bleed into my words.
His nostrils flare. A muscle tics in his jaw.
“There is a chance you don’t work for her,” he says, the admission dragged from him as though it costs him something vital. “A chance that I might have this all wrong. If I do, I don’t want you to stay. Please don’t.” His voice drops. “It’s the only thing I’m going to ask of you.”
“Relax, Sebastian. I’m not staying.”
His shoulders drop. He pulls in a long, slow breath and lets it out. “Good.” He nods.
“I’m not staying because I’m planning to go back to the Shadow Court.”
His head snaps up. “What? You can’t be serious.”
“I am very serious. I need to see my mother. I need to speak with her.”
“No.” The word leaves him in a hard rasp. “You’ll be captured. There is a bounty on your head. Don’t do this.” He steps toward me, his voice strained. “You can’t. I won’t let you.”
“You have no say in the matter.” I meet him head-on.
“You washed your hands of me. You accused me of lying.” My voice cracks, and I hate it.
I hate that he can still do this to me. “I’m going, whether you like it or not.
I’ll risk capture. I’ll risk everything I have to look my mother in the eye and ask her why she did what she did to us.
” I pull in a shaking breath. “Once I have my answers, I will come back here and help the shifterfae in their cause.”
“You won’t be able to. You’ll be behind lock and key or dead.”
“It’s a chance I’m willing to take. A chance I have to take.”
“Don’t—”
I turn and walk away. I won’t explain myself to someone who thinks I’m a liar.
“Isla, no.” Sebastian’s voice follows me down the corridor.
I grit my teeth and keep walking.
He catches up. His hand closes around my wrist. His grip is warm and firm, and the touch sends a wave through me that I resent with everything I have.
I shrug him off.
“Don’t do this.” His voice is hoarse. Stripped back to something I almost don’t recognize.
I pause. Just for a second. I feel the pull of him behind me. The heat of his body close to mine. I want to turn around. I want things I can’t have. Things he doesn’t deserve.
I keep going.
Sebastian doesn’t follow.