Chapter 16 A Private Conversation #5
“Thanks,” she replied as she slowly started to sit back into place. “I’d feel better knowing you were helping out.”
“Alright,” he replied and turned. “I’ll be back in the bedroom if you need me.”
“Thank you Billy,” Greg said. “I too feel safer knowing Eddie has more help.” He waited for Billy to disappear before he leaned toward Carry.
“I’m sorry for springing it on you that way.
I know you understand Millard better than anyone here.
I just didn’t know how to tell you since Cassie hadn’t.
” Carry moved in and wrapped Greg tightly in a hug.
“Greg,” she whispered in his left ear. “I know you are in a tough spot, but I can see that you are willing to risk more now.” She pulled back then kissed his forehead softly. “Thank you for trusting me with the news, no matter how shocking. Maybe we can open up more with each other now.”
“More?” Greg said in confusion, slightly stung still from her not kissing his lips. “What am I missing?"
“I should have been more open with you about my own doubts and fears,” she said. “Still, it doesn’t excuse what you did with Veronica last night.” She glared into his eyes and he winced lightly. “What exactly were you going to tell me about that?”
“I almost crossed that line of no return with Veronica last night, like I’d almost crossed it on Sunday with Erica,” he blurted out quickly. He took a breath. “I didn’t realize that I’ve been fighting against my own physical desires so much, especially since you left.”
“Really?” she said with slight shock as her eyes softened. “Why does my leaving matter?”
“Because I always knew exactly where that line was with you, and you were always conscious of it; keeping me conscious of it.” He let out a sigh of relief.
“Veronica would have crossed it the first night if she could have,” he admitted.
“It was probably good that I was still reeling from Erica and pulled back from that quite hard.” He searched her eyes.
“She was convinced that denying Quinton was the reason he slept with her best friend in Oslo.”
“What?” Carry said with surprise. “Veronica’s ex slept with her best friend?
“And you can’t tell her that you know. It’s a private matter,” he started in a slightly stronger tone, but she nodded her head to let him know she understood. “I don’t want her to think I’m betraying her confidence, but I also want to be fully open with you.”
“And I want to be fully open with you, Greg. I need you to know that I struggled with my own identity and self-confidence, which led me to doubt your love for me.” She leaned in closer. “I know that I still love you Greg, but after what has happened, how can we move forward?”
“That isn’t the only question,” Greg answered cautiously.
“I’ve had to face some hard facts lately.
” He took a breath. “I have to know now if how I reacted to both you and Veronica was because of what Erica did to me, or if it was completely real and separate from that.” He ran his hand through his hair.
“I look at you and my heart races. I feel desires that I check because you set the boundaries in stone, but I feel them nonetheless. What I don’t know is are they because I was sexually active with Erica, or are they because I desire that kind of intimacy with you. ”
“So, what do we do then?” she asked carefully. “Do you and I move on away from each other?”
“And both be filled with regrets?” Greg lightly protested. “No. We have to find out what is real between us. I know that I publicly confirmed that I’m dating Veronica last night, and that creates a difficult situation for us to date.”
“Greg,” she interrupted. “Just answer me one thing.” She searched his eyes and tried to read his body posture. “Do you love me?”
“Yes,” he replied without hesitation. “I love you. I just don’t know if it’s a deep and lasting love, or just burning passion and desire.”
“WOW!” she said reeling backwards for a moment then settling back down. “I guess I did say to be brutally honest.” She watched him shifting in his seat for a few seconds. “Then answer this question, Greg.”
“What’s that?” he said, cautiously.
“If I offered to sleep with you right now, would you want to do it?”
Greg bit his lip and leaned back. “Don’t offer that to me right now, Carry.
I’m not strong enough to resist it. If you offered it, I would act on it immediately.
Quite honestly, I’m trying my best right now to keep from asking you for that.
I see you and I’m feeling those desires.
” He sat back then pushed up off the couch.
“I’m sorry, Carry. I have to leave now, or I will attempt to cross that line.
I won’t risk that. Not with you. You mean way too much to me.
” He moved to the door quickly. “I’m leaving now because I love and respect you.
” He opened the door and left quickly. The sound of the door closing caught Billy’s attention and he came out of his bedroom to see Carry staring at the door.
“Everything alright here?”
“He just walked out to stop himself from trying to sleep with me,” she said in shock.