A Soldier's Wish

Prologue

I glance at the clock on the wall. Fifteen minutes, and I’ll hear his voice. I do a little dance; the excitement welling up inside me is too much to contain. Heath’s been gone for almost nine months, and my heart hasn’t beaten properly the whole time.

“Night, Ms. Daisy,” I call, tossing my dirty apron into the hamper and grabbing my bag from under the counter.

“You tell that boy we miss him, ya hear,” Ms. Daisy says, and winks at me. I think she suspects we’re more than friends, but she’s never asked, thank goodness. I like keeping our relationship to ourselves for now. Less pressure that way.

“Will do!” I step outside into the humid night air and hit the unlock button on my key fob. I have five minutes to make it home before Heath video calls me.

Having my best friend, my secret boyfriend, in another state has been harder than I imagined. I got so used to spending nearly every day with Heath that having him gone leaves a gaping hole in my life.

I turn into my quiet neighborhood and squeal. Two minutes.

Our video calls are keeping me sane. To see his face, and hear his voice, helps remind me this is temporary. He’s not gone forever. He didn’t leave me.

I pull the jeep up the long driveway and put it in park. With one minute to spare, I’m pushing through the front door of the small red brick house that was left to me by my Gram. It’s older than dirt, and the floors creak, but it’s mine. I kick off my non-skid tennis shoes, a requirement of working at the diner, and run to the desk in the corner of the living room. I open the laptop and jiggle the mouse in time to see the notification pop up that Heath is calling.

My heart leaps in my chest. I take a deep breath and click accept.

Heath’s face pops up on my screen, and my smile fades at the look on his face. His brows are drawn together, and his lips pulled down at the corners.

“Hi,” I say. “Everything okay?”

Heath nods. “Yeah.”

“I’m so happy to see you and hear your voice. It feels like it’s been forever.” I watch as he looks away.

“I’m being deployed.” His words rush out like soda from a shaken-up bottle.

My heart sinks in my chest. I figured it would happen eventually, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. “Where?”

He shakes his head and looks at me again. “I’m not allowed to say.”

“Oh,” I whisper. “For how long?”

“A year. Maybe more.” He runs his hands through his cropped hair. “I knew it would happen at some point.”

“Yeah,” I say quietly, unsure how to respond. “Will you still be able to call?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

My eyes burn. I pinch my leg to keep from crying and making this harder on him. “Well, I’ll write to you. Every day.”

He gives me a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Thanks, you don’t have to do that, though.”

“I want to. It’s what girlfriends do, isn’t it?” I ask, watching as he flinches at my words.

“You know I love you,” he starts.

I smile. “I love you, too!” I interrupt. I wonder why he’s so nervous. Wait, is he going to propose?

“I’ve been thinking,” he says, running his hands over his short-cropped hair.

I take a breath and do my best to stay still. I want him to get the words out so I can scream yes already! “About what?” I say as evenly as possible.

“Us,” he says. Hearing that, my heart does a loop in my chest.

“Me too,” I say, crossing my fingers in my lap.

“I don’t think it’s fair to ask you to wait for me.”

I don’t understand how that’s a lead-in to a proposal, so I just say, “Okay . . .”

“I love you so much, and I’d love to marry you someday. It’s just, we’re so young—you’re so young—and the life of a soldier’s wife isn’t easy.”

My heart sinks. Tears prick the back of my eyes. “I . . . what?”

“If we got married and started a family now, you’d be stuck at home with babies, all alone. I’d be gone too much to be a real husband and father. I’m sorry, but I can’t ask that of you. It’s too much. You deserve more.”

I deserve . . . “Heath, we knew this would be hard. I’m okay with hard,” I say, desperation making my voice get higher with every word.

He shakes his head. “I can’t do that to you. I’m sorry. I’ll be home for good in a few years. If you haven’t found someone else by then, we can see how we feel.”

“Heath, I love you. With my whole heart. That’s not going to change.” I feel my heart breaking into pieces.

He smiles sadly. “That’s just it,” he says. “Feelings change all the time. I love you too much to ask you to wait for me. To be on your own, waiting for a call. Relationships are hard when two people are in the same city. They’re nearly impossible with so much distance and uncertainty. I can’t do it.”

Feelings change? Have his feelings changed? “I see,” I squeak out. I thought he would be the one that finally chooses me, no matter what. To be there through thick and thin.

I wipe a stray tear from my face. I will not break down.

“Hey, don’t cry,” he says. His voice is low, soothing. “It hurts me too, but knowing you’re happy is what’s most important to me. And I don’t want to lose you. I still want you to write to me,” he continues. “I want to hear about your dates and all the fun things you’re doing. You deserve to enjoy these years. Please say we can still be friends.”

We’re both quiet for a bit. He’s watching me and waiting. I can’t bring myself to look him in the eye for a minute. Then I nod. “Of course we’re friends.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath before opening them again.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his eyes glossy.

The tears start to fall, and there’s nothing I can do to stop them. “Yes. This was just unexpected. I’ll still write. It’s fine.” My heart is barely beating, my face burns with embarrassment and shame. I’m not worth waiting for. I should have seen it coming. My dad left, then my mom. Gram didn’t choose to leave, but she’s still gone. I’ve been so careful to only let people in who I know will stick around, but now I find out I’m not worth the wait to Heath after all.

“I have one more thing I wanted to tell you,” Heath says. “I have a friend here who . . .” Heath turns and looks over his shoulder.

There’s a ruckus in the background and I see some guys he’s stationed with saunter into the room.

“Hey, Heath, you telling your baby momma you won’t be there for delivery?” someone calls out.

My brain stutters. Baby momma? “Heath, what is he talking about?”

Heath’s face is red, his eyes huge. “It’s not what you think,” he blurts.

“Heath, did you get someone pregnant?” My hands are shaking. Is this why he can’t ask me to wait?

“It’s not that simple,” he says, waving for the guys to stop talking. They are still laughing and telling jokes in the background.

“OOOHHHHHH, it’s not baby momma! It’s back-home sweetheart!” one guy says, stooping in front of the camera. “I take it you didn’t know Heath knocked up one of the other privates?” He shakes his head and tsks. “Heath, my man, you’re in trouble now.”

“Gabby, please. Just listen,” Heath pleads.

“I have been listening. I’ve been listening to you break my heart for the last ten minutes, Heath. Why not just tell me the truth? That’s what friends do, right? They tell each other the truth? You’re not breaking up with me for my sake . . . you’ve just already moved on!” I suck in air. “Why not just tell me you found someone better?” I laugh, a shrill sound, even to my own ears.

Heath shakes his head, but I keep talking. Now it’s time he listens. “You expect me to write to you while you’re starting your own new little family? I don’t think so.”

He motions to the guys to be quiet. “Please,” he says.

“Goodbye, Heath.” I hit the end call button before he can speak again.

Sobs wrack my body. So much for my fairytale ending. Thank goodness we never told anyone we were more than friends. I don’t think I could stand the sympathy right now. Poor little Gabby. No one wants to stick around for her. No, what they don’t know can’t hurt me. Right?

I stumble into the bedroom and remove my uniform, tossing it into the hamper. I pull on an oversized shirt Heath left for me to sleep in, fall into my unmade bed and let the tears come.