Chapter 40
Keira
Keira roused slowly, keeping her eyes shut against the daylight assaulting her senses.
It had been an uneasy rest, falling in and out of consciousness.
She reached across the bed as she’d done perhaps a hundred times that night.
For the first time, her hand fell through the empty space where Caspian had been.
She’d refused to spend the night in her own rooms because she was terrified of the possibility of someone coming to look for her there.
She wouldn’t have been able to sleep a wink.
Even so, nightmares had plagued her. When the first had pulled her from her sleep, Caspian was already awake at her side.
She’d curled into his chest. It was the safest place she’d ever known.
He’d held her until she fell back asleep, each and every time.
But now he was gone.
Keira sat up as she heard raised voices from outside. That’s what had woken her. She stood, wrapping the bed covering over her shoulders.
It seemed the entire party from the night before had spilled out onto the grounds. There was some sort of commotion going on. Keira brought the blanket tighter around her.
From the second story, a trunk came sailing out the window and harshly onto the ground. Clothes flew out of it as it fell. This was not the first bit of luggage to be sent off in this fashion as items of all natures were already strewn chaotically across the lawn.
What in the realm was going on?
Then Keira’s eyes were drawn to a glare of white.
Caspian emerged from the keep, holding someone by the scruff of their neck, as if they were a troublesome child.
Her hand went to her mouth as he shook himself loose from Caspian’s grip.
It was the man from last night. He was only half dressed and covered in bandages.
His face was violently flushed as he rounded on Caspian.
It was clear enough even from her vantage that it was threats spewing from his lips.
Another came between them, Prince Gilbert. The prince spoke to him for only a moment before he retreated with a sour expression, clearly in defeat. His attendants followed after him, rushing to collect his scattered possessions.
Prince Gilbert turned to those gathered and began to address them.
Her face heated. He was telling them what he’d done to her.
Tears threatened to overcome her again, but Keira refused them.
She had no reason to be ashamed. Her back straightened, shoulders squared.
That man was a monster. Caspian and the prince were sending him off like one.
The crowd were beginning to look in his direction with disgust. Good.
Soon enough, they dispersed back inside.
Keira sat on the bed and waited, allowing her thoughts to wander as they would.
As she’d hoped, Caspian was the one to break her silence, entering with a heavily ladened breakfast tray. He smiled at her softly, as if she were a fragile thing.
As much as she loved him, the care he was taking of her, in that moment Keira knew that she was already beginning to heal. What had happened to her was inexcusable, atrocious. The anxieties it had planted within her would not be overcome in a day, but she would not allow them to cripple her.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up,” he said, setting the tray down on the table. “I figured you might want a private breakfast.”
“That’s not all you were up to,” Keira said, making her way to the table, the blanket still wrapped around her like a cumbersome cape.
Caspian looked down at her seriously. “No one who would ever hurt you is welcome in my home, Keira. No one.”
He’d made that painfully clear, and yet hearing him say it, with the fire she saw behind his eyes, it was different.
There was something about him, a surety that she had never seen so clearly.
Perhaps it was his time in the army, or his position as a lord that had ushered in this change, but she found an unexpected comfort in his confidence.
As much as Keira prided herself on being able to fight her own battles, it was a relief beyond measure to know that she could depend on his strength when her own was weary.
“It wasn’t just him,” Keira whispered. “The others, they were…” she couldn’t even find the words.
Caspian sighed. “I know, but I promise you it will not happen again. The parties responsible have been dealt with.”
“Why did they do it?” Her voice was small. She had searched for motivation, running her mind in circles throughout the night. One acting alone could easily be explained as a deviant, but for so many…
Caspian let out a heavy breath. “Do you really want to know?” She knew that he’d tell her if she pressed, but his reluctance signaled that it wasn’t going to be pretty. Still, she had to know. She had to be certain it wouldn’t happen again.
“Tell me.”
He couldn’t look her in the eye as he forced the truth from his lips. “They believed you were a prostitute… mine it seems. A rumor that Highgrove himself started. There was some sort of game to see who could… take you from me.”
Keira’s jaw clenched as her skin crawled with revulsion.
“Of course, I’ve cleared that delusion,” Caspian said finally.
“Have you?” Keira asked quietly. “Are they ever going to be able to see me as anything else after this?”
Caspian pulled up a seat beside her. “It was hard for me in the first year,” he said.
“The nobles all thought of me as a common soldier, nothing more, certainly not their peer. The people were distant, not knowing what to expect from me. I was isolated, and nothing I did felt right. It seemed like there was a line of people waiting to watch me fail. But then I figured it out; you just have to stop trying to play by their rules. Make your own. As long as you let them dictate the game, you’ll always be set up for failure. ”
Keira looked back at him. “You’re serious. You’re telling me to just stop caring what they think of me and this will all go away?”
Caspian sighed. “No, I didn’t say it makes everything better. But after a while, they stop measuring you all the time. It’s also far less exhausting.”
“You wouldn’t care if I stopped trying to impress the swells and just… what? Used magic whenever I want?”
“Yes.”
“Dress in my own clothes?”
“Absolutely.”
“Took over one of the libraries for my studies?”
“You can have the big one.”
“What about last night?”
Caspian looked her square in the eye. “You defended yourself.”
Keira nodded heavily.
When she didn’t say anything else, Caspian began to fix plates for them both in silence.
“I can’t live here all the time,” Keira said, popping a strawberry into her mouth.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I just like to be out. I haven’t spent this much time in, well, in forever.”
“You can leave anytime you want.”
“For how long?”
Caspian cocked his head, troubled. “What do you mean?”
“Well, if one day… I had been thinking that if eventually I was partially responsible for…all this….” Keira got tangled in her own thoughts. Was she being utterly presumptive? “being away for a month at a time would be an inconvenience for you and…”
He nodded, following her trail of assumptions until she was blushing.
“I’m the lord of Northall, and I enjoy the responsibilities that entails.
I like looking after the people. But even if we were married, that doesn’t shoulder you with my responsibilities.
It is also common for lords to take holidays, during certain seasons.
I assure you that Lionel is perfectly capable of running this house without me in the way. ”
Keira nodded thoughtfully.
“I still have to meet your party, remember?”
A smile spread over her cheeks at the image of Caspian at Grimlocke House.
He shared in the levity before then his expression sobered once more. “Today is a day where I have an unfortunately large number of obligations.”
“The festival,” Keira said, nodding in understanding.
“Will you come down with me?”
Keira swallowed a mouthful of bacon. “I’m not ready yet.”
“Of course,” Caspian said, standing. He placed a hand on her cheek before leaning in to kiss her hair.
“I will come tonight though, at least I’ll try. I just- Being around so many people again…. I need some time.”
He watched with understanding, though beneath was a glimmer of disappointment. “Take the time you need, Keira.”