C H A P T E R T H I R T Y – E I G H T
C H A P T E R T H I R T Y – E I G H T
Altair
I t’s the middle of the night, and I’m still wide awake, holding her in my arms.
The steady rhythm of Olwyn’s breath rises and falls against my chest, her warmth sinking into me like a drug I can’t resist. She sleeps peacefully now, her body curled into mine, the tension from earlier finally melting away. But I’m restless. My thoughts won’t stop circling, replaying the moment between us.
Gods, I want her.
I stare up at the ceiling, my mind a battlefield. I know desire, to control it, to bend it to my will. But with Olwyn... nothing about this feels controlled. Every inch of her, every fleeting touch, is like a spark that threatens to burn through every restraint I have left. The softness of her breath against my chest, the way she sighed against my skin when I pulled her close... It’s all too much.
I’m not sure how much longer I can hold back.
I glance down at her, my gaze tracing the gentle curve of her cheek, the way her lips part slightly in sleep. She looks so peaceful like this, vulnerable in a way that makes my chest tighten with an ache I can’t name. It’s strange—this need to protect her, to keep her close, while at the same time, every base instinct in me is screaming to claim her. To take her in every possible way.
But I can’t. Not until she’s ready, and she asks me too. Not until she knows everything.
My fingers gently brush against her back, tracing the delicate line of her spine through the thin fabric of her nightgown. Even that small touch feels dangerous, like walking the edge of a knife. I know she can feel it too—the tension between us, the way it’s pulling tighter with every moment we spend together. She must. There’s no way she can’t feel how much I want her, how hard it is to keep my distance when everything in me is begging to close the gap.
My chest tightens again, this time with something darker. Guilt.
Because I haven’t told her everything.
She trusts me now, or at least, she’s starting to. I can feel it in the way she leans into me, in the way her guard lowers just a fraction when we’re alone. In the way she wanted to cry when she saw the truth of Elderglen. But trust isn’t enough. Not when she doesn’t know the full truth. Not when she doesn’t understand why I took her from Avantra.
Not when she doesn’t know what I’ve done.
I swallow hard, my own secrets heavy in my chest. I need to tell her about Atha’s attempts on her life, why they are happening. I need to tell her they aren’t the random attempts of a group who despise our union.
But the worst of it, the darkest piece of it all—she doesn’t know about the academy. About the destruction. About me.
And when she finds out, I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me.
I close my eyes, trying to calm the storm inside me, but it’s no use. Every time I think I’ve regained control, it slips again, the memory of her lips against mine pulling me back under. I can still taste her. Sweet, soft, and far too tempting.
It’s not just desire. There’s more to this than that. I can feel it, deep in my bones—the way she matters. Not just to me, but to Iolas, to my kingdom. The way she’s already changed everything.
I let out a quiet sigh, careful not to disturb her, though her body shifts slightly in her sleep, pressing closer to me. My arms instinctively tighten around her, my fingers threading through her hair. She smells like jasmine and something uniquely hers, and it’s driving me mad.
Maybe I’m being selfish. Maybe I should let her go. In any other world I would let her choose someone like the baker’s son from Avantra. He would be the easy choice—the safe choice. He could give her a simple human life, free from the weight of the secrets I carry. But the thought of that makes something dark coil inside me, something possessive and primal. The idea of her in someone else’s arms— his arms—twists at my insides in a way I can’t ignore.
But it’s not my choice.
And in some ways my choices have put her in more danger. But when this is all over, I’ll let her walk away if she wants to. If she chooses to after learning the truth, I won’t stop her. I can’t. I’ve already taken too much from her. But gods, if she stays...
If she stays, I’ll never let her go.