Chapter 16
Sixteen
“Look!” the man said, banging on his neighbor’s door after they’d arrived. “Whatever you’re cooking smells so bad that the fire department thought it was a gas leak!”
Normally, Miles was able to roll his eyes at these things and be grateful no one was hurt, but by the end of his forty-eight-hour shift, he’d lost all perspective. Even his coworkers were annoying him, and he was anxious to leave.
At shift change, he gathered his stuff, ignoring a new poster of his dating ad taped to the wall, and headed for the door.
“I hope your mood improves when you find love,” Sam called after him.
Miles sighed. “Thanks.”
Looking for love. What a joke. He’d had exactly zero interest in finding love in the last fourteen years. None. Never.
Except...whatever was happening when he saw Annie. Miles didn’t know what was wrong with him. When it came to Annie, he was like a man possessed. The entirety of his extensive Thanksgiving plan was to delight her, and when he saw how happy she was, he couldn’t stop.
He was addicted to making her laugh. Beyond that, he felt an urge to get closer to her, to feel her in his arms.
Then he’d contrived a reason to do it. The dance.
It had crossed a line. It was completely inappropriate. But when he’d pulled her close, her body almost resting on his, the delicate notes of her perfume flooding his senses – he could feel in his bones that her problems would be forgotten if she’d only rest her head on his shoulder.
It was intoxicating. Maddening. It had taken everything in him not to pull her closer, envelop her in his arms and kiss her.
Thank goodness Bella had come home when she did. It had knocked some sense back into him.
If Bella had seen them dancing so closely, she would’ve known then and there that he was the biggest hypocrite on the island.
He’d told her for years that he wouldn’t date. That he had no interest. No time. Yet she would’ve seen him close to another woman, in their own house, no less.
How hurt would Bella be? How much more of a joke would Miles be to her?
It wouldn’t do. It didn’t matter what had possessed him to act like a maniac with Annie. He had to gain control of himself. He needed to stop.
He pulled the door to the fire station open and paused. A white envelope sat on the ground, wet and dirtied at the edges. Had the mailman dropped it?
Miles stooped to pick it up, turning it in his hands. There was no postage, no address listed. The front had only the words “To the Firemen” written in black sharpie.
He ripped it open and pulled out a single, folded page inside. More black sharpie.
“KEEP PUSHING AND YOU WILL HAVE MORE FIRES YOU CAN’T PUT OUT!”
He sighed, his shoulders dropping. Though it was tempting to throw the note away and tell no one about its discovery, it would be unwise.
Miles turned and walked back into the fire station, yelling, “Guys, we got a live one!”
He didn’t get a chance to talk to Bella until the next evening.
She was on her way out the door. “Sorry, Dad, I can’t talk. I’m headed to Annie’s.”
He frowned. “Babysitting again?”
“No, she invited me for dinner. You’re invited too!”
Miles took a step back, shaking his head. “That’s all right.”
When Bella was younger, he’d always had someone at the house with her when he worked a long shift. Now she took off on her own. The house was just… empty.
Truth be told, he felt empty. It was like she had no need for him. He just stood around in the house like an oaf, wondering when she’d be home.
“Don’t be like that,” Bella said with a sigh. “I’m sorry I yelled at you about giving me independence. This is different. I want you to come.”
“You don’t have to feel obligated to invite me,” he said.
Bella had told him in no uncertain terms to stop showing up when she was babysitting, and he respected that. In this instance, however, he needed to stay away from Annie.
Her shoulders dropped. “I feel bad imagining you sitting at home by yourself.”
A smile tugged on his lips. “You feel bad? For me? Your old dad?”
“I feel bad for you all the time.” She paused. “You’re pathetic.”
A laugh burst out of him, and her face cracked in a smile. Her skill at sarcasm had always surprised him. She was so like her mom. So sharp. So funny.
“All right.” He grabbed his coat. “We can’t have that, then.”
They walked down the road together, chatting. Miles told himself it would be fine. He’d talked to Annie about not sending Bella the wrong message, and she had understood. She hadn’t reached out to him at all since Thanksgiving.
His heart sunk. Why hadn’t she reached out to him? Couldn’t they still be friends?
He was about to find out.
Bella climbed the stairs and opened the door without knocking.
That was quite familiar.
Miles followed as Clara welcomed them in. “Miles! I thought I saw you out there admiring your new handrail.”
“Not admiring, I wouldn’t say. Eyeing critically.” He shook his head. “It’s not the best-looking handrail I’ve ever seen.”
She waved a hand. “Nonsense. It’s art!”
Miles stripped off his jacket. The house was cozy and warm, cinnamon wafting in the air.
He cast a stiff look around. Annie was nowhere to be seen. Maybe she was avoiding him – though that would be hard to do in her own house. Maybe he shouldn’t have come.
“How are you?” Miles asked.
“I’m feeling well, except my daughter keeps talking about leaving me and running off to the city.”
“But you can’t move!” Bella yelled out. “You’re my mentor and I’ll miss the kids too much!”
Annie emerged from the kitchen. Her hair was tied back with a few wisps free, making her look like a windswept goddess. He held his breath.
“You can always come and visit.” Annie said. She caught Miles’ eye and stopped abruptly. “Miles. Hi. How are you?”
He nodded a hello. “Doing well. How are you?”
“Things are bad!” Clara interrupted. “Annie is over here talking about moving to the mainland after Christmas!”
“So soon?” he blurted out, despite himself.
She looked down, picking a toy off the floor.
“I’ve been trying to coordinate the Christmas handoff.
Roy gets the kids for Christmas, and it’s making me realize how hard it’s going to be to do this forever.
Plus, I got a call from a daycare where we were waitlisted.
The others are all two or more years. They said I could take a tour and they might have an opening. ”
“It’s bad enough we won’t have the kids here on Christmas day,” Clara said glumly. “Now you don’t want them here at all!”
“It’s embarrassing that I had to move in with my mother,” Annie said sharply. “Roy is right. I need to strike it out on my own.”
The topic ended as quickly as it started, with Annie picking up both twins and hauling them to the dinner table. They were in a wild mood, throwing food and laughing maniacally until the end of the meal.
It was only after they were done, when Miles was helping Annie clean up, that they had a moment alone.
“I don’t like you talking like that,” he said.
“Like what?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.
“Saying Roy is right.” He shook his shoulders in a fake shudder.
Annie laughed. “He is, though. I know my mom’s here, and she’s a big help, but I should be able to do it on my own.”
“There are no shoulds in single parenting. Believe me, I have experience. Let all the shoulds go and focus on reality.”
She set a dish down, putting a hand to her forehead. “It’s not that easy.”
“Of course it’s not easy,” he said. “Being a single parent is impossibly hard. Why make it harder for yourself?”
“Because they need to see their dad. I’m making it harder by being here.”
Miles sucked in a breath. As though Roy wasn’t the one who had moved away. As though he was the one who had requirements as to when he’d see his children.
Nothing could have kept Miles from Bella after she was born. He would have moved heaven and earth to be with her.
“You’re not the one making it harder,” he said.
She shook her head.
He softened his tone. “Annie. He is living the life he wants to live. Don’t forget that. What do you want?”
She was quiet for a beat, but when she looked at him again, her eyes were misty. “I don’t know. I get jumbled, thinking about it. I think it’s the fact that they won’t be here for Christmas. It’ll be my first Christmas alone.”
That urge to sweep her up in his arms overtook him again.
He settled for putting his hand on hers. “You won’t be alone. You’ll have us.”
There was so much more he wanted to say. That she couldn’t leave. That he couldn’t imagine not having her nearby.
But all he could do was look at her, desperation in his eyes.
“You’re sweet.” She pulled her hand away, casting a glance down the hallway.
Of course, Bella was just down the hall, wrestling with the twins. He’d forgotten himself.
Again.
His heart beat against his chest with a sickly speed. It wouldn’t take much to stop lying. To tell her the truth. Pull her close again, close enough to smell her perfume. Close enough to make a bad decision.
Miles took a step back and cleared his throat. “We’re your friends. We’re here for you, whether you like it or not.”
She let out a laugh. “Thanks, Miles.”
He turned back to the sink, coward that he was.