Gabe
My head’s been spinning all day. Jason’s words echo in my brain like a broken record, and I can’t get the image of his face out of my mind.
“I brought home treats!”
Felix rides into the garage, balancing a big pink box on his bicycle handlebars.
“Nice,” Torren yells as he scurries over, with me following. He grabs the box from Felix and kisses him. “Thanks, babe.”
“Sure thing, stud,” Felix sings back.
Torren growls and replies in a deep voice, “You look so good today.”
Aaaand that’s my cue to clear my throat loudly and obnoxiously, because I’m not in the mood for the PDA right now.
“Sorry,” Felix replies with a giggle, and Torren leads us to his tiny kitchen and opens the box of donuts. “It was a slow day at Maggie’s, so we even have leftover double-chocolates, Gabe.”
I shoot Felix a thumbs-up, but I really can’t bring myself to smile. Normally, I’d be thrilled to eat these delicious donuts, but my stomach is churning.
“What’s wrong?” Torren asks with a mouthful of donut.
My mouth opens, but my throat closes the moment words try to escape.
Felix must see my struggle because he opens a kitchen drawer to retrieve a pen and paper.
I look at the paper, trying to decide what on earth I want to tell them. My brain tells me it’s better to get this on paper, but my gut hurts just thinking about spelling out the words.
How do I write out the long, convoluted tale that is my relationship with Jason?
It’s too hard, so I just scribble something basic and not even close to what is actually happening inside me.
My stepbrother is living with me. We don’t get along.
I slide the paper over to Felix, and he and Torren read it. “Want me to kick his ass?” Torren asks.
“Is he mean to you? Do you want to stay here?” Felix asks.
“Yeah, you can always stay here if you’d like. We can set you up on a cot,” Torren adds.
My hand reaches for the paper, and I scribble down: Where will you two fuck?
When I pass it back to Torren, Felix cackles. “Kitty Cat Club!” he explains. “Torren and I love our Thursday-night shenanigans.”
I grab the paper and scribble, What about the rest of the week?
Torren and Felix look at each other for a beat. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” Felix explains with a wink.
“Fonder? I think you mean feral,” Torren adds. “We’d be fine, Gabe. I’d want you here if being at home makes you uncomfortable. Period.”
“Absolutely,” Felix assures me.
I wish there were a way I could express how much I appreciate them—they’re just the best.
I signal to Torren to give me the paper.
I couldn’t do that. I’ll be fine.
Once they read it, Felix says, “You know, if you ever need anything, like a security deposit for a place or first month’s rent, I’d be happy to give it to you.”
I’m really okay, but that’s so sweet of you. Thank you. I scribble.
Felix’s father was the Mayor of Belmont. When he died, Felix inherited a lot of money.
He puts his hands on his hips. “You’re as stubborn as Torren is.”
“No, he’s not,” Torren replies with a chuckle.
Felix smirks and says, “Yeah, you’re right. I’m going to change out of my work clothes. Be back in a sec.” Felix kisses Torren’s temple and then leaves the kitchen.
I grab the paper once more and ask the question I’ve been dying to ask.
Why does Felix still work at Maggie’s if he has so much money?
Torren glances at the paper. “Because he likes it.”
Huh. I guess that’s fair.
“Tobias wants me to watch the candidates' match on Wednesday. You wanna come with? Might get you out of the trailer and away from dipshit. What’s his name again?”
Jason, I jot it down.
“Yeah. It’ll get you away from the trailer for a night. Felix can’t come, and I hate going alone. I hate going, period, but Tobias asked me. Will you come?”
I rarely go to the Kitty Cat Club with Torren. In fact, I think I’ve only gone with him twice. He tries to keep that part of his life separate from the life he’s building now.
My cheeks flush—I’m kind of honored.
I nod my head, yes.
“Nice. We’ll meet at the club around 9:30. The fights start at 10.” Torren pats me on the shoulder and says, “Don’t let that fuck face get to you. Take a ten and scarf down a donut. I’m gonna finish up on the floor.”
Torren walks off, leaving me alone with a bunch of donuts and my thoughts. I associate these donuts with Torren because he loves them so much, but there was a time when Jason and I used to go to Maggie’s Diner with my mom a lot.
The swivel chairs at the bar are my favorite part about coming to Maggie’s. Well, that and the chocolate donuts.
And Jason.
Always Jason.
Jason sits between Mom and me while I spin on the chair like I’m six years old.
Maggie saunters over, smelling like Newports, and wags her finger. “You’re gonna lose your lunch if you keep that up, Gabey.”
Mom reaches around Jason and sets her hand on my knee, stopping my fun. “Enough,” she says in a low tone with eyes that could kill.
My cheeks flush. “Sorry.”
Jason laughs at me and says, “I’m gonna eat your donut if you leave it sitting there any longer.”
“The fuck you will!”
My mom shouts, “Gabe!” and Jason howls with laughter.
“What the hell is the matter with you?” she asks. “We’re at a restaurant.”
“Okay, sorry!”
Mom rolls her eyes, but she’s still got a smile on her face. She’s right. I’m wild right now, but I’m excited. This is starting to become a weekly thing for us, and I love it. Jason and I get to hang out, and Mom gets some time away from Dad.
Plus donuts. Amazing donuts.
“Alright, boys, it’s time for homework.” Jason and I groan, but Mom cuts us off: “No whining. That’s the deal. You get donuts, but we need to do homework, too.”
We grab our backpacks off the floor. The inside of my bag is basically a single folder, a lunch box, and a hundred different drawings. I can barely find the stupid folder on some days.
Jason’s backpack is empty aside from the papers he has from school. I’ve never seen him have a folder, a Trapper Keeper, or anything like that.
He pulls the wad of paper out of his bag and starts smoothing the sheets on the counter.
“Jason,” my mom gasps. “You did it! Look at this.”
My mom takes a piece of paper and examines it. “You got a B, Jason!”
I turn to Jason, who is bright red. “It’s just a B.”
Mom playfully slaps the counter and scolds, “Bs are good! I’m so proud of you. I know you hate math. You got a D on the last quiz, and now a B? That’s incredible.”
It’s rare to see Jason look bashful. He rubs the back of his neck and says, “The only reason I did well is because you studied with me. I’m dumb on my own.”
My mom points at the quiz on the counter and says, “Nobody knows how to do something until they’re taught. You just needed a little help.”
Jason looks at my mom and whispers, “Thank you for helping me.”
My hands grip the side of Torren’s table as the memory fades. I close my eyes, cursing myself in my head.
Dozens of moments just like that one race through my mind like a home movie on double speed. All of them featuring little moments when Mom made Jason feel seen.