Gabe
Idid it. I saved up enough money to get a freaking air-conditioning unit that will cool the whole trailer!
I hear footsteps on the gravel, and I know instantly that it’s him. Jason doesn’t walk…he stomps.
He stops, looking around the room with wide eyes. “Why does it feel cool in here?” he asks.
I grab his hand and lead him to the bedroom where the AC unit, wedged in the window, emits its glorious air.
“WHAT? Did you get this?” he asks.
“Yup. Saved up and bought it this morning.”
Jason tackles me to the bed. “WE HAVE FUCKING AIR CONDITIONING!” He straddles me and bounces up and down. “Alright. Stick your dick in my butt—you’ve earned it.”
Never has a heartier laugh escaped me. “Wow,” I finally say as my laughter subsides. “So, you like it, huh?”
“Duuuude. This is amazing.” He lies next to me on the bed with his arms stretched to the side. We’ve pushed our mattresses together, so we have an enormous bed now. “Damn…this is nice.”
“Yeah, right? Not bad.” I’m proud of myself. Jason looks so relieved, and it brings me such joy. “Oh shit, the training! How was it?” I ask, remembering how nervous he was this morning.
Jason sits up, bouncing on his knees like an excited kid. “It was insane.”
He goes on to tell me about the obstacle course and the challenge in the old factory.
Which sounds like a scavenger hunt to me, but what do I know?
He’s giddy the whole time, replaying moments when he overcame challenges, sidestepped traps, and found objects.
He’s beaming with pride, and it makes me want to kiss him until “Tobias had one of the recruits killed” slips out of his mouth, and I almost choke.
I sit upright and place my hand on his arm. “Wait. What? Tobias did what?”
Jason looks like someone who just got caught. “Oh…well…”
“He killed a recruit?” I ask, my pulse accelerating. “Why?”
Jason rubs the back of his neck. “Well, the guy mouthed off.”
My body turns cold. “That’s it? And he killed him?”
Jason shrugs and says, “Well… yeah. He challenged Tobias.”
I suddenly feel nauseous. I rise from the bed and walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
“But dude,” he adds. “I fucking crushed it today. I was better than all of the other recruits, and I could tell Tobias was impressed. I impressed Tobias Kay! Isn’t that crazy?”
I can’t speak. I slurp down the water, trying to do everything I can to keep from being sick to my stomach.
“Hey,” Jason says as he crosses the trailer to me. “You okay?”
I set the glass down on the counter and close my eyes, counting slowly in my head so as not to focus on Jason replacing the dead man in his story.
Jason asks, “What is it?”
I look at his face, and all I want to do is pull him closer and run my fingers through his wild mane. “I didn’t know they’d kill people during training.” It’s hard to push my voice past the lump in my throat. “That’s fucked up, Jason. What’ll happen if you mouth off?”
The question startles him. “I won’t,” he says defensively, like it’s impossible for him to do something I’ve seen him do literally hundreds of times.
“W-well, what if you fuck up? What if you can’t handle it? What then?”
Anger flashes in his eyes, and his jaw tightens. “You think I can’t handle it?” he asks as his face gets red.
“I don’t doubt you,” I assure him, trying to calm him down.
“Well, why would you say that?”
He’s getting mad, and I’m not properly saying what I’m trying to say.
I try to speak again, but I can’t. It’s not like the silence from before—it’s not shame or self-hatred.
It’s worry.
Deep, intense anxiety that makes me physically ill.
“Hey,” he whispers. “Talk to me.” I shake my head, but he persists. “Please.”
I finally muster the courage to look at him, take a deep breath, and force myself to say what’s really upsetting me.
“Jason, it’s not that I don’t think you can do it.
It’s just that…you’re back. You came back.
I don’t know if I could live through losing you again.
” I try to do everything to suppress the sob that’s trying to escape, but it rips out of me as I say, “I’ve lost so much. ”
Jason pulls me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me. A mix of shame and dread swirls inside me.
We stay like that for a while—Jason clearly waiting for me to calm down.
“I don’t think there’s any way I can get out of this now,” he says.
I back away, looking him in the eyes, and ask, “Would you want to get out of it?”
Jason thinks, looking out the window with a contemplative expression. “No. I want this. I want to be a HellCat.”
My sigh feels more like a surrender. I hate this so much, but I want him to be happy, too. “Okay.”
We look at each other for a long moment, then Jason opens his arms, letting me melt into him.
He kisses the top of my head. “Dude, you’re not losing me again. I’ll be careful. I know what I’m doing.”
Do you?
Jason pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “I did really well today, Gabe. Like…really well. I’m good at this. It’s going to be okay.”
Our gazes meet, and I see the excitement in his eyes.
“I’m proud of you,” I tell him. “I’m sure it was hard.”
Then, Jason pauses, looking at the ground before saying, “Tobias wants me to help with a job on Friday.”
A cold streak runs down my back. “Like…this Friday?” I ask.
“Yeah,” Jason replies warily.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “What are you doing?” I ask, trying to stay as composed as humanly possible.
“We’re stealing a necklace,” he says too quickly. “Tobias says it’s chill—a job for a newbie.”
Jason’s an awful liar. “Okay.”
“Are you okay?” he finally asks.
I’m not okay, but telling him that won’t help anything. “I’m good. Just be careful, okay?”