Chapter 10 #2
‘So what was it you liked most about Bets?’ asked Doris, folding her arms and nestling back into her seat as if settling in for a story.
Jack squirmed in his. ‘I don’t know.’ And it was true, put on the spot he couldn’t pinpoint the precise thing. You couldn’t break Bets down into bits, she just was … he liked the whole of her. The completeness of her. It was impossible to put into words.
‘I knew her.’
‘Well, of course you knew her, you were at school together.’ Doris rolled her eyes.
How did he explain that when he was with her, he knew her all the way through?
How she thought, what she wanted. That when they were sixteen and seventeen and eighteen, it all made sense without him ever having to think about it.
When had that stopped being enough? When had he started questioning it?
‘What made you pick her over the other girls?’
‘I don’t know,’ said Jack, trying to sound casual because he didn’t want to think about it.
‘Not good enough,’ said Doris. ‘Come on, think, man.’
He huffed out a sigh. Unfortunately his memory obliged, tossing up a bit of flotsam that hit him good and hard.
‘She was always smiling.’ And there she was in his head, her face caught in the sunshine, laughing as she stepped off the school bus one time.
Then she’d caught sight of him and her face had lit up.
The moment had been golden, just like Bets.
She was like a sunflower, he thought. Always tuned into the positive.
She brought sunshine with her. She made him do better.
‘Always smiling, hmm.’ Doris had a notebook out and was laboriously writing it down. ‘That’s a start, I suppose. What about her looks? What attracted you?’
‘It wasn’t her looks … Although she is pretty…
’ He thought of her dancing auburn curls, how they reflected the way she was always on the move.
‘In a quirky sort of way.’ She wasn’t attractive in the same well-groomed way that his friends Melissa and Saskia were.
They were always immaculate, knew how to dress for any occasion.
They had style. Although, to be fair, they had a considerable advantage over Bets in coming from stable, wealthy backgrounds.
‘Quirky?’ Doris snapped. ‘I don’t think you mean that in a complimentary way. That says different. Not conformist. Most of the men I’ve known want the same old, same old. Conventional looks. They lack imagination. Don’t believe in looking below the surface.’
It was at that moment Jack realised that being truthful wasn’t going to win him any prizes.
‘So if it wasn’t her quirky looks, what did you like?’
‘She’s kind. Honest.’ He felt a quick stab in his chest. Honest. Yeah, Bets was honest. Not two-faced or deceitful. She was cheerfully honest, telling the truth even when it wasn’t always welcome, but in such a way as to be kind about it.
‘She wants to date men, not meet their mothers.’
‘Does she want to date?’ asked Jack doubtfully.
‘The best way to forget a horse’s ass is to get back on the horse,’ said Doris snippily, leaving him in no doubt who the horse’s ass was.
‘Tell it like it is, Doris,’ he replied.
‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself. We’re talking about Bets, not you. How would you describe her? Come on, don’t be a dog in the manger. You don’t want her, let’s find someone who does. Someone who deserves her.’
‘And you need me for this job because…’ Jack couldn’t help sounding a bit sulky but Doris was really starting to piss him off.
‘Because you’re a man and you know what men want … or rather, don’t want.’ Doris sat up straighter in her seat as if she’d had a eureka moment. ‘That’s it. I’m going about this all wrong. Tell me what she should have been like, what would have made you stay, then we can go from there.’
His hands tightened on the steering wheel.
Bets hadn’t done anything wrong. It reached a point where he’d wanted something …
something more … something … in truth he didn’t know what.
He felt he’d outgrown her. He felt irritated that she was waiting for him to finish his life and then he could go back to their old life.
But he’d had a taste of a different world.
Felt responsible for her. Felt that she wanted too much from him.
It sounded horribly arrogant, but he felt she was dependent on him, like he was the pot at the end of the rainbow.
That he’d go home and know exactly how their lives would be.
There’d be no surprises. And he’d panicked, he wanted more.
Wanted excitement, the unknown, a challenge.
And he wasn’t especially proud of those feelings.
In fact he felt ashamed that he was so shallow and ungrateful.
‘I think you’re talking to the wrong person, Doris,’ he said.
‘Yes, I think I am,’ said Doris with a mournful sigh. ‘Maybe I’ll see if Dave down at the pub has some ideas.’
‘Dave?’ Jack felt heat on the back of his neck. ‘Why Dave?’
‘Why not? He’s single. I’ll ask him what he’s looking for in a woman.’
Jack’s mouth settled in a disgruntled line. His mother had a lot to answer for. He could have been tucked up asleep in bed instead of having to put up with this.